Handouts Headlines and Hangovers.

 My recent rambles never made it to the big screen, when I say big screen I refer to my posture in front of the trusty 13 inch MacBook Pro who fell in love with me right after I fell in love with it almost 2 years ago.  I know I do not write enough on here and the deprivation is illustrated by the expression of how good it feels to read some of the old posts. I feel the polar opposite as I did last year. I shave twice as much. I never knew how to behave at the drycleaner. Asking myself questions and trying to numerate how much starch in a single shirt. I also found the cheapest drycleaner around pressing shirts for 1.35. I also know you cant bargain with these wonderful people. I feel a sense of growth a scantron couldn’t standardize. I think, through many of God’s allusions I am in front of my first official job offer. I am reminded of how I got to here and the patience it took before and patience expected here on. One of the best feelings is being able to prepare my fellow students as to what I was doing last year…the internship interview. What makes it sweet is im not reiterating what my mentor taught me. I didn’t have a mentor or so much as contact in the company. I confirm with past blogs that God, aside from his everyday blessings, let me tackle it on my own. To make my own decision. While it will be competitive to live in this world, I hope to never be on the receiving end of a Handout. I know from personal experieicne that it dowesnt work.  There si too much t stakeAs I look at the dates, God Willing,  I cant wait till I get to read what I am about to write. 

Thank Heaven for Twenty Eleven. While everything is going as right..as it can, I find myself face to face in the lab trying to make intelligence from the numbers. The Exchange from figures into vocabulary serves as a measuring stick . So many reasons I to claim that I’m madly in Love with life even though right now is not like it was last year when the similar love was enclosed. I’m going to love this life next year, on top of whatever cliff it must be shouted from.

Im about to tap into the darkest and most shaded part of my mind for your entertainment. I have always appreciated diversity and im arranged to explore this world in pursuit of it. Where better to start than Orange County, Southern California. How better does my introduction sound in Ohio? It sounds great because I have assessed it. I have so many people to thank for the opportunity at hand, and then again, I could credit myself. I used the same pen to sign the offer. Unlike Last year I did it alone. Mom and Dad just got a forward of the e-mail.

I did it alone, without an audience, to confirm that I did it by myself. As selfish as that sounds. I have to be that man. A Man. A real Man. And maybe I should have had my parents with me when I confirmed it, because through their tireless work, I was admitted into Cal State Fullerton. If I was not in the position that I am in today, based on some insufficiency in my academic ability, character, work ethic, integrity, hygene or intelligence, that’s my fault. My Parents did there level best till I turned 21 and they continue to be there for me, by which the black font represent by lines through this text couldn’t describe what it means to me.

Getting this means the world to me. But what really makes it of meaning is that I did it myself. Again As selfish as that sounds, I will forever look back and say I did it fair and square. As a minority, who has dealt with rejection, Im here to say that you made a good choice by selecting me. I am above appreciative and I will exhaust my every effort to grow within myself and hopefully you will benefit as much as I will. I smile back at my Parents as they are happy(relieved) that I said I would do what I intended. 

I Try to keep this between myself and a few. Its nothing I am trying to hide, but I do understand during a recession as historic as ours how distinctive of a situation it is to have a job “lined up”. Again, I accept no handouts because I used to line up people in my living room. As I wouldn’t dabble into selling drugs, I simulated the exhilaration cutting hair in exchange for what was not subject to taxation. I look back on the creativity of the last 4 years and hope to keep it alive as I move forward. When asked about whats next for me after I graduate, I succeed in hiding the excitement behind saying I obtained a full-time job. I just did what I came here to do so I really don’t need to showcase it. I get compliment about it, but I try to brush it off as fast as I can, as that type of stuff tends to fester in my head. I passed up on updating my FaceBook even though im confident that what I had in mind as far as headlines would have generated 100 likes.

Making it in this country, fair and square, is preeminent serves as the  4 wheels on a streetcar named desire. It is the top-drawer to a shelf not shown in the IKEA catelog. I just want to build and create and help those find their sovereignty. I’ll be there for you, everybody has that competitive spirit.

I had to hold my horses because there is still this semester left in what I would call “successful” but I will hold my tounge because I am 4 finals away from what I Hope would be my first 4.0 in college. I will do everything in my power to obtain it and hopefully I will be convinced walking out of the classroom and into the night. Sadly I am predicting a horrible hangover this Friday.  But that’s just me trying to grow up.

They say I rep that deal too much, but that shit just a part of me. –J.Cole

The Fine Line

No Light to guide my way

Im goin’ blind down the hill

Nothing that on one can say

Im gonna find my will to live

No, I wont Brake

No, I wont Brake

No Light to guide my way

Im goin’ blind down the hill

Nothing that on one can say

Im gonna find my will to live

No, I wont Brake

I am such a badass. Triggered by curiosity, galvanized by Peer Pressure, and instilled by exhilarations that rose beyond the scope of my last post. I will forever be open-minded. Inspired purely by every light bulb illuminating the Las Vegas Strip. Sadly no light to guide my way. A bit discouraging as I beat myself up about it, because I remember being posted above that line. That White Line.

Student ID. One Hundred Dollar Bill. (Hunnits). And some simple instructions regarding convulsion. I took it like a man and from there I’m goin’ blind down the hill. This is hindsight speaking so if I could rewind to my reality almost immediately after snowboarding I was going down that hill with almost perfect vision. Perfect hearing. A great snowboard, gas powered even, and it was as if this reservoir of fuel remained unblemished.  I can say for the next hour and a half I became Superman on a Snowboard.

Unstoppable.  Not ready to stop. I wish I knew the ramifications of what was about to occur because my tolerance measured by blood alcohol content changed context. What was usually appraised by 2 to 3 integers. (ex. 0.24 = 3 times the legal limit) was now calibrated by dollar signs. (ex. $.$$) That’s how it felt. I couldn’t stop drinking and in all probability I consumed twice as much alcohol as I did the night before. The discrepancy laid in the fantasy in that I was completely sober.

It took over. Took over control and I woke up in the bed by myself. Not happy with myself and an inventory of receipts that just did not add up. I hit the bathroom only to realize my life was getting more like the hangover part 1. Except for 2 differences. 1. There was no Tiger, and 2. It was not funny.  I got up and salvaged the day with some Chipotle and a little gambling. Las Vegas Winds did a great job of hiding the allure of the strip.

Thinking about it I hope to never go up that hill again. Being open-minded I let it get the best of me. I been here before though and I was able to put my foot down. Regrets are for horseshoes and handbags and I for one, enjoyed myself.  I understand now. for the first time. How things can take you away from what you truely want (Long Term) to satisfy your desire (Short term). Where is the leverage tomorrow morning.   Happiness, exists in your head. For some people its hard to achieve. For others, who Love, it comes easier. For some, im finding out, it comes too easy. I think we all want to be like Superman. I think we all want it to some degree. I just believe some really dont have the patience it may require. And some think there is an easier way to get there. A path in between 2 fine lines. I crossed it to find out what I thought could make me SuperMan, really happened to be Kriptonite. It just wasn't the color green. The "S" which stuck to my chest, I found out it doesn't stand for SuperMan.

XSive

I will wake up this Monday probably less focused and alert than I am on this thursday night. Thats pretty convenient and because Classes are canceled as thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for the time to catch up. I have mixed feelings about thanksgiving day and the subsequent black friday as those days in any recency have proved to be swamped at everybody's favorite indian-chinese  restaurant.  I should have started a petition on that change website.  So I turn 21 and Go to Las Vegas to see the other side. And do it again. and again. and again. June, August, January, August, and Tommorow making it my 5th time being removed from 20 years old. Forever 21 is how tend to treat that place but i think this time things have to change slightly. for one  we have to successf8lly nap before we head out. It should be a great time as long as I dont drink too much. Im really trying to grow up and i gotta start showing it in the most elusive places on earth. Not counting the many trips before i turned 21 I set objectives to reach when i got there. This trip is for my man. Although I have every reason to celebrate, I dont think the problem is in the execution of a celebration. I do think we need to redefine the enterprise of my celebrations.

The room is 40
Gas is 20
Presale Tickets are Purhcased 35 XS, 30 Marquee.


Thats as far as i will go cuz im the definition of ballin on a budget.

In my head I can already predict what my budgeting will be exactly one year from now.

The room is 400
Plane Ticket is 200
Bottles Split with the Entourage 350 at XS and 300 Marquee


I will start a cycle of immaturity and excess I thought I left behind last June when I was sure nothing could stop me. Last year I had to lie about being 24 to seem cool, although I was holding an Adios the color of aqua due to Ice dilution. Next Year I may not have to lie about being 24, but If I do im sure it will be more believable as the Ice dilutes into Tonic Water. Life is been getting better and doesn't stop so today I was reminded of how great life is and overall I love California and am looking forward to coming back to some great company. While I'm Psyched for the future I understand that this weekend is no big deal. Its whatever. It's cold out there. I'll have a good time after my nap tomorrow. The Nap is scheduled from 3pm to 8pm. Clutch!!!

FourLokos. Never again.

The New Eleven

When I introduce myself to somebody for the first time there is a percentage chance that the exchange will result in a miscommunication. Inevitably I get my name confused as Neo. I’m usually all the way cool with that. That’s a cool name.  I think this  post is going to be special because I have put a time frame on it. I will not write past a certain period.  But if I set small limits I guess the gun pointed on my head serves as the proverb I cant keep quiet and let it out.   I have a letter dated to me with my name spelled wrong but I in a state of jubilance I looked past it.  What’s in a name? More over what is an Age? It’s a number.  That letter hit me really hard because it was something I wanted last year  and envisioned it in my mailbox.  It’s here and its just missing my signature. I signed a similar letter last year, but this year there were more numbers and they aligned. I got the letter yesterday, which means It wasn’t received on 11/11/11.

I was talking to my brother today who I think is the one guy who works harder than me, namely on the basketball court. For him, Basketball is Life. I wish I could say the same without a little hesitation in my voice pitch.

Me: Hey are those my NBA socks I been looking for?

Him: Dude I love them. Besides your wearing my socks

Me lol

We are a lot a like and the conversation eventually got to him telling me that He drank and smoked at a party. Which I knew was coming some time or the other, he created his own ranking system though and he ranked basketball over all the liquor. We see the same thing.  I love my younger brothers and they love me. More on it later as im reaching the time limit

If I was to make a wish, it would involve my environment. I don’t want a perfect environment, rather one that will forever require my input. Although im always very hapy with what I am given I don’t want happiness as much as I want to earn it. I want to know that I can have it all but its going to cost me. I want to be a champion bad but as a super senior in college I cant go back to high school. I wish for challenges and the strength to move forward.

Don't order the turkey burger combo and upgrade it. If you must upgrade it to large

Malm Night Stand

Swagger on a hundred thousand million.

7,000,000,000

If I could meet everybody, I think I would be able to write a worthwhile blog. As if everybody would come up to me and want to shake my hand and give me their "elevator pitch".  On day 8187 I ponder my very position and what where ill be next year. Doing me and taking care of myself present the brick and mortar to the fortress the protects my castle as I stand tippee-toe on a ladder, the ground too close for comfort. I want to get these dreams off the ground and I think If I could meet everybody they could help me do me.  The sad part is that people are satisfied with their 8 person circle and hate to get out of it, even if we are talking Google + I wish I could go back 4 years ago and walk into a Party in which i know Nobody at the UV's with 12 bottles in a box. 12 indispensable bottles of beer representing the best brew any of us freshman could afford. I would have turned those 12 bottles into 3-5 new friends and possibly expanded my already beautiful network of friends. I love my friends, all of them, even the ex's who have been nothing but assets to me since removed from humble beginnings.

Being young and in Love is special, and I am besides familiar with it. I try to let it take care of itself but I’m realizing that It will require a reservoir of energy and consistent effort on my part.  When I am forced to turn the on switch I must be warned that I always try my best and usually the effort directs me into the very waysprings of Stress.
“Aint no such thing as halfway Crooks”

Taking things one day at a time, with no apparition for future plans become a conflict when you want to meet the 7 Billion people who share the air. We trust each other as we get into our cars. I want to take it a step further and really understand the Opposite Sex but when the line is pitched and I start letting people down I will suddenly realize that there are just too many people sharing the narrow resources we consume so destructively.

1.8 people die every second. 4.1 are born every second.

I sense custody about every relationship, and welcome new ones, try to regenerate the old. I love my social circle and try to be the one erecting bridges and manufacturing links. Slowly I realize the most important people will be met in the least estimated fashion. While I tell myself I am attracted to women of  a certain grandeur, I will probably fall in love with my server from the restaurant I didn’t want to go to but rather was forced into. Now with other open loops in my head I cant leave it to chance rather open my mind to possibilities created by Nature. 

My very existence comes from a Father and Mother who broke every rule to bring to bring me here. While I will dabble into my creation in the future I must mention a small belief into “Love at first sight”. I Thank God for that.  Then we can go into the polar opposite and the detestation created by our complex outlook of the world. There are those before me on a Friday night getting drunk off the Bible, Getting Drunk off a basketball or even Getting drunk falling in love. I’m just getting drunk, and I never solicited for a Hangover yet it seems to Subsequent rather than Consequent.

The Human Race got to 7 billion people, thanks to the Indian rabbits who are so good at being classy about it and pretty good at math. But I don’t know if she is going to be Indian. Getting less into numbers and more into words, my written Destiny involves happiness I couldn’t manufacture and a story to sure to please any crowd. I just keep an open mind, Ambitious girl is one of now 7 Billion deducting my family and dividing by 2.something genders. While I Fein for any excuse for “out with the old, in with the new” I understand from 8188 im going to wake up, and I’m going to send her a text message that will Fuckin make her day, yet im I feel uncomfortable to say. Its been way too long and I feel like im way too cool. Yet in the Grand Scheme of things. It Hasn't been that Long, and Amoungst 7 Billion people, Im not that cool.

LightWork

Friend of the People

The Wellsprings

In many ways this preoccupation with economics is unfortunate, for 1929 was a year of many marvels. In particular, it was on of those years that marvelously illuminate human motives and the very Wellsprings of human behavior.
-  John Kenneth Galbraith

I want to write but i have writers block. I have taken an extra credit assignment in which I choose a classic book about economics and read it and write a report. Its due on finals day and there is no page limit or anything else to guide me. I just pick a book off the list and write about it. The amount of extra credit is rediculous (up to 20% of the total class grade) so  I decided to jump on it.

The word "wellsprings" kinda jumped out at me, I like how it was used and I cant wait to use it in a sentence this Friday. This Friday Im going on a date. A date. In order to be able to execute it, i should practice it in sentances.  Lets go.

1. The very wellsprings of my love for live rests in between 2 basketball hoops.
2. I used to drink out of the wellsprings of jungle juice. Now i get a hangover just looking at anything besides gin.
3. When I read my old posts, i understand i am looking at the wellsprings of my thoughts.
4. To get where he is, and he could probably beat me one on one, My brother took to the very wellsprings of hustle and cardiovascular activity.
5. I will never reach the wellsprings of organization if i dont start with a clean room.

BTW this book is so old that it has a punch card that dates to 1970. And "The Great Crash" was written in 1954 which I think gets to the very wellsprings of cool.
 

Think Different.

Steve Jobs never sacrificed imagination. What a great quality. People said no and he persisted. He changed the game on a regular basis. An incredible inspiration and he left us a legacy of products that defied convention, and shaped culture. I blog exclusively from the MacBook Pro. Yesterday it was announced that the iPhone was releasing for Sprint and the Phandroid in me got shook by Apple Magic. Well see how this plays out but the moral of the story is that Mr. Jobs was as confident about his product as much as he was confident about his deterioration. Maybe it was written.

My Man Ranting.

 

I'm going to encourage this cat to keep doing what he is doing.

Round 2

Good Luck charms locked and loaded.

Open Season

Mom took me to Costco today and she bought me groceries. Not something done all the time, and i like doing my own shopping. Im getting on the broke side so i really appreciated not having to think about it.  I feel healthy. All my laundry is did. I have  clean underwear to attack 7 days in a very important week. When I talk about the real world, I always reference the past and real stories of real fathers hustling for their families on an hourly wage. I have come to see people develop their ideal work ethic at the wrong time in their lives. I sit here at my computer with just 12 units to attack. I never wanted to be a kid without a Job. I haven't seen it since being 2 years removed from middle school and kicked off the basketball team a lazy athlete.


My youngest brother breaths determination. He is determined to dunk before I do and defy genetics as he stands about 5'8 or 9. He starts his new job on roller skates at Sonic this week. I knew he could do it and i see and compare our senior years in high school. The middle one starts at the Flagship campus of the University of California tommorow with his head looking forward. Tommorow I have an important dinner event. It could land me a job post grad and moreover a relocation that I have been contemplating for a while. To say im not stressed is a lie. To say im not looking at other options is also untrue but i have to seem happy in front of one crowd and fake loyalty which is something I said I would never do.  To get primal I quote Kendrick Lamar "Whats your life about enlighten me /Is you gonna live on your knees or Die on your feet?"  But I have a dinner with 2 important decision makers regarding a summer internship and whats next. Also there are 2 job events this week where I will print out a resume that I can say im Proud of. It's Open Season. Its recruiting season and Im on that Victory Lap.  I had an incredible experience in college and it could end in Orange County Fashion.  I can't believe after all Ive did I kept a respectable (by employers) G.P.A. Its a little above 3.0, which will not get me into a Grad school of choice. I have even more plans and I will dedicate a story about myself and the drive to become a Certified Public Accountant. The meaning of that and why I can do your taxes better than anybody. I see soo much in store and i really want to take everybody with me. Lets hope I have no problems waking up tomorrow.

I dont believe in yesterday as this is my last opportunity at this University to blast off.

9/11 Celcius

Distraught. Just a little bit.  Knowing that the last 10 years were not the greatest pages in the history books as much as we have progressed I have so many questions. I think to make it in this country you have to make it in New York City. Many numbers were out there, Those who died. Then those who died or the percentage of firefirghters that will die due to the asbestos around Lower Manhattan.

I reflect. i reflect. i reflect. i keep reflecting. i keep asking and I live in denial. How does all that steel turn into dust? How does the greatest structures in the greatest city in the world fall down at speeds governed by physics. Where were the bodies at the pentagon? So many questions i just dont feel like asking. I feel like there are more important people to ask, with more klout in this 9/11 climate. Who live closer to new york and have something to do with it. 10 years ago i was just a Kid being fed information, and i would like to challenge that behavior not by denial rather inquiry.


but then i just tell myself to enjoy life and not think too much about it and live life because i was given all of what i have.  I dont deserve it but i have it and why would i dwell on this day? Because i just dont know if everything I was fed for the last 10 years was really nutritious. Maybe ill continue this dialogue tommorw. God Bless You.

I Spent 23 years on this earth searching for answers, until i realized i had to come up with  my own. -KL

Live Fast Die Last.

Im glad there are numerous traffic instigating detours and arsons that slow down my car racing its path to destruction. I gladly accept any deliverance from a path chosen from me. When you are going somewhere you never gone before and take the wrong turn what is the first thing you do? You turn down your radio. But for one i dont listen to the radio, and i wouldn't turn music down as im comfortable about where it is this car takes me. I should reconsider but its rare that my gas indicator is on the east side of the Mississippi, and im drinking a slurpee out of my sippy cup, leaving one hand to the steering column in with assistance from the knees.  Last night I could have saved a man from getting his first D.U.I.  but i was asleep, impartial to danger. He got his wake up call as today i got a little insight about getting a DUI ticket...People that get DUI's are people that knew they had it coming.

I reflect on my life as well as my younger brother whom with the help of genetics is the beneficiary of my new California Drivers Licence. I want to revoke it but I know the kid is smart. You never know though. I learned a lesson today, and thats dont drink and drive. And i may never learn a lesson but i repeat: Dont drink and drive. Thats my FWord. I will pray for you and  you will one day be happy that this happened to you. Ill be there to help you reconstruct that life that you always wanted as finalize my own life.

In Townhouse 286. I call it the house the lust built. You call it the PantyDropper. it is located right behind the transportation center of Fullerton. The same place that a homeless man was beaten to his death by the  City of Fullerton's Finest.  Transportation taking you to places that you want to go. Destinations or Halfway. You can go Home or come back, we are always welcoming. I just hope that you understand that you have options as to where you want to proceed and that the residents of Townhouse 286 like you are very primordial in our careers. We can take the take the bus, train, surfliner. We can fly as fast as aviation can regulate. I definitely prefer walking. I pose walking because you can see and sense everything there is to see, and kinda soak it all in.

Being 4 hours away from Las Vegas you really see the beauty of Southern California. That 4 hour duration can commiserate conversation in a car headed 80 miles an hour with every seat-belt fastened. The Grown up driver is always conscious of the cars temperature as they fleet the cajon pass. You can rent a car and that may solve your reservations and take your attention away from the temperature.  Being 300 miles or  4 hours away is a great thing because it is just enough for me to plan something else and forgo that weekend. I have Las Vegas Fantasies, but I want a life of Health and Vitality. Once you hit barstow though you are waist deep into your commute and it is hard to do anything but move north.  You see that 4 hours is not enough time for me to figure it out. You cant think on that 8 hours drive to get back so your back to where to you started. 

You want it all. Its so appealing to be in the Moment, Yet I fantasize about 5 years from now. Its tough for me to write it out but i see the foreshadowing everywhere. I should be praying, even when it seems easy, waking up and staring at the ceiling. I see the opportunities in front of me that I Have to capitalize on. Last Thursday night i was asleep at 11:30pm hoping that I would catch some Rapid Eye Movement. In reality I could have stayed up with you and prevented you from your DUI. As much as I cant look at you in your face I have to tell you that this DUI will put your whole Life into perspective its these horrible things that you have to cherish and love. Good things will come weather you deserve it or not, you are blessed with the accessible. Yeah i still park my car as far as I can, because Id rather you not know what Im driving. I drive that shit till the indicator hits E because I like the feeling. I have live fast tendencies but through writing and thinking I keep in mind what i want to see, have, feel, and most importantly be in 5, 10 years from now.  I don't want a DUI but I wonder what areas would improve because of my Stupidity. Something HAS to improve, its just how compensation works. When you have your eyes closed for a measurable amount of time your senses have to compensate for your eyelids. I have some farfetched ambitions to get to the moon but I'm constantly detoured. If this internship turns into the Job it should turn into then I ponder If Vegas turns into a 1 hour flight with conversations with strangers, and suites instead of tuscany suites, with bottle service instead of lines, its going to take some work but even then the motivation is as pure as a themed casino itself. Very fancy and decorated but if you look behind the allure of Las Vegas, every hotel is all the same, the odds are comparible, and the slot machines are run by computers.  I would say take this day by day and I agree to some short term Sacrifices (SacriVices) in favor of things later.  I just hope you never ask me the wrong Questions.

Heaven or Las Vegas?

S.O.B

How Bad Do You Want It from Greyskale Multimedia LLC on Vimeo.



The only thing you care about when you tryna breath is to get some fresh breath. That's is When you get to the point where all you want do is be successful as bad as you want to breath then you will be successful.

Height Advantage

 You aint gotta get drunk to have fun. We all know that and I sure dont need to pound that into my head. This one is about self control and blissful ignorance. The Height advantage lies in my "ability" to stay grounded. I am very knowledgable about that Cali Kush. I reference the narcotic drug trade when seeing my friends ReUp, for pleasure or profit that escapes balance sheets and eludes California Tax. I sit 4th on the Lshaped couch that fix 7 people with 2 other participants leaving 1 who wishes he could partake. I am the ONLY ONE who doesn't smoke. I cant perceive any advantages in those numbers but ill roll the dice keeping hesitation in my heart.  We watch our favorite show on the DVR, Entourage and I observe both a nicely rolled blunt and bong being passed different directions as if 2 waves crashed into each other.  I dont shoot but over the years I passed blunts like Allen Iverson, but now I see clearly and I Chauncy Billups it to my left. Ive catapulted past peer pressure and come up with every excuse to still look cool. I lied about when I "quit" and understand that if i got into it again, I would probably enjoy it. While I dont give a shit about the laws of the land, and how our parents used to do it, something about it just diddnt vibe with me.

My life is a movie, but this Hollywood demeanor I put up is far from an Act. You love movies cuz it keeps you on edge but you knew he was going to make it. I'm not ready (at all) to say i made shit, but i know I barely had the credentials to sit in front of the people interviewing me for the internship. After all those crazy nights I had, they still chose me to sit in front of them and chat. I drank my fair share, but passing the blunt would probably be what gave me the Height Advantage to just barely make it into that chair. It gets alot more important for me, which I intend to cover in my own terms. My Director, My Producer all told me not to get high again and didn't tell me why. He also told me to handle spirits in moderation and said the sex scenes are just fillers. The next movie could take place in the High Heavens and thats if i agree.

I observed some of my friends giving up this habit for a short period of time in order to be more attentive and focused and motivated and upon hearing this I learned alot about why im not into it. The more I smoke it the less attentive and focused and motivated you can become, which pretty much defines life for me. I kicked and screamed to get here. I yearned for this townhouse, I currently Glipse at Independence. I barely did it, and as the camera rolls I intend to take everyday by my directors thumbs up and thumbs down. I'm far from perfect and to be honest as a believer I am guilty until proven innocent. I lost my innocence 3 weeks ago and I just might be one of those people that gets saved by a DNA breakthrough. I enjoy sinning and hey that rhymes with #winning. I have a certain lust for life and im working on it, whatever the f@ck that means.  My actions may seem elusive but to me they are so obvious. If quitting temporarily it makes you better temporarily, where are your plans at? Moderation, Grain of salt, fuck it.

I feel like a Law Student in a courtroom. The first rule in Law School is raise your hand if you know the answer and dont let those questions pass you because eventually your going to get called. I created an allegory from this in the form of sacrifices. I'll try to sacrifice getting High in order to gain a Height advantage. I dont know many of the other questions being administered, but ill sacrifice worldly pleasures that and concentrate on the pros. I shouldn't have pre-marital sex, but i respond, sounding angelic, that its not pre-marital sex if you dont have any intentions of getting married.  I'll give up eating red meat, and tell you its for health reasons. Its not written in the bible, but its just a simple sacrifice telling God that I am willing to expense a common worldly pleasure because this New Years Party is going to be one for the recordbooks and hopefully not the hospital.  I started the Victory Lap today, I study numbers which consist of 9 digits and a 0, but im starting to fall madly in love with constructing sentances out of 25 letters and a z. I feel like I thrive in certain situations involving Human interaction wheather or not you like to fornicate. Truth Be Tole, I want to be there for my clients like a good great excellent exceptional Attorney, it's not in me to Judge.  I'm not saying ill never do it,  but as we speak of Highs and Height I've grown comfortably admist ignorance, and honestly at this point, i can roll you a pretty formidable "j".


I dont get High, Life keep me at a decent Height.

-Lupe Fiasco

Mama I aint done yet.

Unemployed winner?

I'm writing thank you letters to everybody I interacted with this summer at Parker. Everybody that I believe will remember my name whether they felt my contribution or was somebody i said hi to when taking bathroom breaks. I learned enough about accounting and too much about being middle aged. I learned that people dont change too much after 21 and it would be hard to not talk about the wrong things in the cube.


Ill definetly miss the cube.




I love that I can look back at past posts about what i thought about this. Last year I was watching this from the couch. A small step for my Mankind, I cant explain how blessed it was to be able to wave my badge to clock in. I was one of maybe 2 people that even clocked in.  Waking up at 630 am was no big deal, starting the day at 5p.m. was life as i now know it. I start school on monday, i do everything i was going to do this summer tommorow. I dont remember the last time i walked into the classroom without a job because it was just too long ago. I look to the future hopeful and willing to stay with the company had they let me extend my capacity of the intern. I enter into the 5th year of my higher education with both eyes looking ready to look at the books. Landing a Part time job is a long shot but its in my heart. My mind says take out a loan and lie to women about having a job. I dont know, im kinda confused on what to do. I just know that I intend to exhaust my every energy, as God intended that I do. I explore other avenues such as learning spanish, or salsa dancing, but i just feel in love with hand shaking and small talk. I promise Im good at talking about the weather and I can get deeper into current events. I love hearing about your family and your justified excuses about how you missed zumba last night. I miss my job already and Im starting to feel empty. Im temporarily back to the drawing board, and im fueled by the same desire of independence from my father. Let me remind me that its not where i go, but how i get there. Moreover I could accomplish my goals and feel empty because I accepted whats next to a bribe. I hope it doesnt happen, but thats the futuristic battle i dream about that will end my world. I sound so John Conner but I believe myself and God will get to the truth.  It was the greatest summer ever, i want to thank my degree and a decision I made just over a year ago.

Thanks Mom, I got this.

It's Complicated.

This blog is about you and your lover. You and the right one. You and your past love life. You and your perfect love life. This is about you accepting marriage. This is about you trying to propose. This is about you and how you should have proposed long ago. This is about upgrading a friendship. this is about downgrading a frienship. this is about sexual harrassment. this is about getting over that guy that you sweared who never played you. this is about your relationship with God and how he wants you to interpret his love. This is about Beauty and its misconstruction in America. I swear this is about pressure and free will. This blog is about what you want in the opposite sex, and its propensity to fall when somebody sweeps you off your feet. This post will argue logic as opposed to emotion. This post is about Las Vegas and Beer Goggles. This post is about moving On. this post is about being pateient. This blog is about chasing your dreams.

Me Myself And Molly.

I really believe that I can have everything I want, patience, in good time, the right time, planned out, or right now with no resources to sustain its beauty.  Getting to that happy place is the answer if you answered your question with another question....why? about 4 or 5 times in succession. I was in the zone a couple weeks ago at Hard Summer, a concert. a concert.  I was in the midst of different sounds. Skin splitting sensitivity seperated bacteria from skin and slowed down what was going on in the world. The world according to me simply stated was being the man for that night. But so was everybody else, and nobody at the bar would get into a fight. Fighting was not in anybody's (thatrolledobviosly) conciousness.

I guess everybody wants to feel like your in a Jacuzzi but really the appeal lasts when your on the inside lookin out.  Looking into it it requires adequate levels of chlorine and a ph balance to ensure the acid doesn’t eat you alive.  500 gallons of water couldn’t be heated on a stove so you object to waiting. It feels good to be inside but there are certain responsibilities to enjoy that warm fuzzyness. Take exstacy and you forget those responsibilities.  My Self induction into this wonderland  can be likened to being inside of a Jacuzzi.  Your Clothes stay on your whim, and you are not bounded by the limitations of  water. You are surrounded  by flounders and you swim through the liquid air . The beat bangs  with a certain huss and you follow its orders. You move and shake. Instead of demands you see requests. Instead of fights you see people with a lot of manners. If it wasn’t easy enough to make friends with people looking in your direction, I saw friendships being made looking in the same direction.  A dopamine overload allowed the speed of light dictate its own path. 

A light show consisted of 10 fingers in your face all with different colored lights at the end, you follow with your pupils and obey their sudden movements.  Myself and Molly extended our hands in an easy agreement. I am intrigued by this and as I submit my innocence along with my belt keys, cell phone, and my wallet, I will make sure it never comes back because I can now relate to so much more of the world.  It didn’t last forever because I came back from this lust to a life I already prescribed as lustful. It didn’t last forever, we still gotta do things for ourselves. Maybe for a split second it lasted forever, but there is something in that pill that makes you not want to look at your wristwatch.

As far as the city goes, the tickets cost about 70 dollars and there are enough people to fill an arena. The DJ’s are up and coming and earn a lot of money from a genre of music bolstered by the underground  unspoken economy of narcotics. The drug alliance will never see this legalized, but the city of los angeles will never get suspicious about how many ravers have the Nokia 8830 cell phone turned off. That’s a handshake because it profits from these events but  pretends to be indifferent of the situation. It stimulates the economy……for the better.

I wore my Penguins and they are completely fucked.  I used to be against these type of things but I do whats possible to see the world with an open mind and heart.  I will ask for Gods forgiveness  but I try to make up for it in other ways. Will I jump in the Jacuzzi again? Probably but its definitely at the cost of moving toward the Devil.  Hell Hath no Fury and If this Love story took me in the right places it would be upward. I know some of the best times ive had were in front of this keyboard, walking out of a classroom, or head bent, hands to knees sweat dripping exhasperation. I aspire for things and the most important word in the sentence is Aspire.  I aspire to aspire. My challenge is to get back to that euphoria without sacrificing anything or stepping on your feet.  I think one can be that happy, but it definetly requires a family, or other people to make you happy. I don’t think you can feel that on your own, and its good teamwork to alternate who puts chorine into the hottub.

I mean cocaine has been around for centuries so it barely got prevalent in my life. 22 years old and im trying to never be a senior citizen, I observe deterioration in the homeless stressed with humiliation. With nobody to cry on, these quick fix genius’ are sold the last array in exchange for tangible, measurable sacrifices. Time frame is a big part of this topic as we discuss time limits of these substances. Im trying to find that Love I know is there when I sleep and wake up and keep. I got to know molly and she told me she diddn’t stay too far away. I could jump in that Jacuzzi when I wanted but the only way to keep me at a safe distance is if you drained out the water. When you take the drug you could be a star. A Rockstar in your own mind.  The only mind that matters right? I guess all good things come to an End, and I have a problem with that.

Space Bound

Like most people I admire John F. Kennedy, and you just dont know why. Very charming individual who handled the Bay of Pigs. The only Catholic president in our nations history, and in my opinion one of the greatest orators I have ever heard. He made a promise to the United States that we were going to explore space. Sadly he never got to see his own plans blast off blueprints as he was Assassinated by (Lee Harvey Oswald?). He never got to see Neil touch down on the solid surface surrounded by the Stars, revolving around our earth. The lack of gravity gives me an Idea of a heavenly body, so free and accommodating to brave astronauts with infant like curiosity.  Westsider Richard "Tricky Dicky" Nixon  watched Apollo 11 blast off into infinity.

I would like to take this idea, with every stench of the Armstrong mentality and blast myself off into the unknown and be that first one to do it. Taxpayer financed Voyage to the unmanned Moon. The Nations chosen one with a crew who follow your every footstep. I'm really curious to how strapping up your safety was before they took off. I wonder what my last meal would be before my Father exited the highway and made a left into the Kennedy Space Center. I  It couldnt be In-N-Out because that culture resides in Southern California. I would probably eat Rubios Fish Tacos, probably too many at that with a Vanilla Coke (cuz all Rubio's have Vanilla effin Coke). Concious of the time, I would limit my dwelling around the Salsa Bar. We all can agree that Rubio's, even on its spottiest days, produces the best salsa out of any Mexican restaurant, chain or not.

Bravery. I need to grab my balls and wrap my head around the fact that If I dont make it back to earth from the moon, at least I made it out of my moms house, out of the county, out of the state and into outer space. At least I got to moonwalk and Defy Gravity. My kids who are worried about me, and a wife that will not sleep. I would tell her weeks and days in advance to just Trust in Jesus, and tell her how Beautiful and strong she is under the Moonlight. My children who dont know really what is going on, drive my worry and help navigate all hope to come back in one piece.

I really liken this to the next 9 years of my life, or whatever we have left before the next decade. I think as humans we tend to overestimate what we can do in one year, but underestimate what can happen in 10.  Similar to Neil and Apollo 11,I have an Idea where i going, but i cant imagine it tangibly. I once Googled" How to Become an Astronaut" and wasn't satisfied. Ill do that again shortly. A Journey, a story, risks, and especially uncertainty will keep me out of a classroom coma, so please let this journey involve the fruits of life.

We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon... (interrupted by applause) we choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.

My life changed in 17 minutes and exactly 48 seconds.






Well, space is there, and we're going to climb it, and the moon and the planets are there, and new hopes for knowledge and peace are there. And, therefore, as we set sail we ask God's blessing on the most hazardous and dangerous and greatest adventure on which man has ever embarked.

President John F. Kennedy, September 12, 1962, at Rice University, Houston, Texas

Rest in Paradise

Your 15 Minutes.

Much of My attention is directed to the summer internship. I must admit its worth it, because its a dynamic place that makes me feel really small, but important in a certain, unimportant sense. The small fish in a big pond. After a long chat with a really influential person, My dad, i realized the importance of showing up. I really wanted this internship, and I everday risk being late. I said i would go `15 mins early the last 2 days, but i havent gon through with it and procrastinated. Im going to try again tommorow, and then describe those 15 mins in detail.



“I phone home to the real they wanna know just how it feel
Who woulda thought a lil’ nigga from the ‘Ville could get a deal
And tell them niggas at the top we want yo spot we are for real
And yet we heard you got it locked but like them socks we on your heels
So you best be on your toes nigga
‘Specially on your flows nigga
Cause man they keep on checking for me — ’specially all your hoes nigga
Catch me on your doorstep, you see me let me in
All I wanna do is eat, I’m like a freaky lesbian
Now all I wanna do ball on TV, me ESPN
They heard I’m bout to blow so all my enemies say ‘let’s be friends’
And all these rappers know just know where I’m bout to go so catch me then
Where all the girls that we knew scream fuck you
Go let me in
I’m definitely in a class of my own
And dinner with Hov hoping that he pass the baton
He just pass the patron
Ain’t nothin’ given dog, it’s earned
If you just livin’ dog you learn
I let you niggas see the light
I’m like the prison yard I yearn
For that living large, but Mama I ain’t done yet
Sit back and watch your son rise [sunrise]
Kick back and know that yo son set [sunset]
Forever I ain’t run yet and I never will
Nas told me “Life’s A Bitch”
Pac said “Fuck The World” and I ain’t cum yet
You up yet?
My punchlines like gut checks, I’m raw dog
I’m rough sex, I’m on deck, I’m up next
I’m God Blessed, I’m success so fuck stress
You can get the fuck from around me
And if you listening, I know you wondering where the fuck they found me
I’m from the ‘Ville boy…Ay Wale…good lookin’”

Forever 21

I really dont see the point of counting birthdays after this. From any standpoint we thing age is just a number but to the courageous it means absolutely nothing. Being too young isnt an really excuse anymore outside of Enterprise Rent-A-Car.  Derrick Rose won the NBA MvP at the age of 22. I thought turning 21 was going to be my Be-a-man turnaround, but i realize, or im trying to realize that this thing takes time, and undeniable situations that you learn from.  As an explorer we keep aware for others mistakes, but you really cant avoid those ugly situations that keep your head from floating too high. As our bodies fight for better or to stasis you grow older and are confronted with both good and evil.


Simply stated, no pain no gain.  And life is going really well as June hits. So im expecting bad things to happen. I cant get too excited this weekend, I may not come down for a while, but Murphys law taught me that the bigger they are, the harder they fall. As positive as I can be, I just see this learning expirience as God's Blessings.  I been on this planet for about 22 years and it took me a while to start asking myself questions. I played basketball yesterday and was in an uncomfortable position. I couldn't cascade with the highschool kids and yet I was weak amongst the zealous strength of the older men. Its up to me to really decide if im ready to let go or keep fighting at this "basketball career". I have no expectations put onto me, and that's when I can ignore it and move on with life, or look back and invite feelings of alienation with a sprinkle of hope, similar to the bricklayer who builds his castles in the air.

Growing older you know you will die. You just know it. From time to time you ignore it in favor of the contemporary now. Zen. Tonight. Whats good TONIGHT. And the good part is that Im the youngest kid at the bar who has never bought a "round" on a Friday or Saturday Night. I finally have a job that i could afford it from time to time. I can take a girl out on a date, or if im Bold, a whole day of Fucking around at Disneyland/DCA.  I can take my mom out for dinner, or as she would perfer, save money and make turkey burgers. Emancipate.  I have a long long journey, with short and long term benchmarks and a curiosity that calls for an ambiguous education. I want to study what I love, but before love, i want to take care of Business, Business Administration. I want to study English, and give my opinion on the classics, and go into the minds of real writers, and heck, scribble, communicate, and transcribe my way to graduation, but that will not a journey of this economy. Getting my Business done is sort of like my ticket out of Mississippi Burning. I'm not saying its slavery, as it has become very enjoyable, but as i write this coming of age blog, I want to be forever young. Seeking joy in lifes mysteries. I need you to need me, is where i feel ecstacy. I want to be 25, and cool.  I want to be a Pretty Good Boyfriend to the Girl who understands and is happy with the guy who is trying his best but its not observable.It may not be Noticeable. Trust and Humor and I promise things get better and we get younger. I want to be 26 and educated, mentoring high school students before their senior year. My youngest brother got to see alot unfold, but its until he is pressured himself he sees change in his life. He can learn from my mistakes, but only so much. 

I wanna keep writing although my blogs are just journal entries i try to play off as sumptious when i display them for public consumption.  Im not profound, or imposing, nor will i ever try to be. Im very secure with myself and my initial decision to write, along with the privacy of this blog persevere. I want to shape my own life, and i venture out into the open, Interplay with nature , smile at girls, shake hands with strangers, collaborate with enemies, Take one for the team, and ask the socratic, come back and write suspecting, but accepting that the clock never stops. A realist in most cases, but when I was a kid i lost my  sandle in Fantasyland, and never gave up trying to find it. There are people that live with no fear. Its something you can get to, you either have to be under the age of 1 or older than 21 for that. I have a Hard Head, but weak Faith. Sadly Weak Faith. Better said: Misdirected Faith. Because who is to say I am strong minded with weak faith? Who is to say 25 year olds cannot graduate from school. As i look precedently I try to do so with an open mind. I want to take on challenges and tax myself beyond any interrigator. I want to give my body that abuse, knowing that we humans have healing power. I want to perpare myself, because i heard the first rule in law school is you raise your hand if you feel certain about your  answer to the question, because you probably will be called upon, and you dont want to be called when you are not informed.


Excitement. The moment and ahead i will always look behind me. I have one call, and one thing to put on my bucket list. To dunk a basketball. I have perpared a TimeTable and an appropriate wager. This is an attainable goal, practicable and very difficult. It will be a challenge and will require handiwork and belief and sweat and all that good shit. The generous timeframe ends on June 1st 2012.

I will complete a real dunk on a 10 foot hoop, and right after that I will do the Racks Dance and if there is no girls around ill flex. haha

if i fail... I will delete this blog along with every post and Teaismydestiny.blogspot.com will become available to the aspiring blogger. Something so strong and appropriate to wager, this blog is worthless like anything that isn't moving me into my goals. Money cant buy everything.  Lets Get it.  22 dunking is my individual deed.  Stay Positive.

is you feeling me?
if not you feel my energy
see I know I’mma make it, but even if I don’t
don’t feel bad cuz honestly all these times that I had
those will be the best memories

Cuz in the End all you really have is Memories 
-Big Sean






.

The Victory Lap

I finished 4 years of years of college coursework. Exactly one year ago I knew i was going to Graduate. Graduate. I was 20 years old and I was almost ready to visually fixate on a graduation date. My younger brother had some big news (litteraly) as he is ready to become a UCLA Bruin. It's wonderful, but no surprises or luck there. He deserved it. I am so happy for him, but really am I?

I mean the post my Father put up on Facebook got more "Likes" than anything else he has ever put up.  My mom is so proud. I mean we all are. But what are his acceptance in terms effects on my pathway. Do I have to get into UCLA as well to measure up to the younger one? In the eyes of my parents, it really doesn't bother me, because my goals will taken by  the shape of demands only I can put upon myself. I know I said i want to become a certified accountant and also study law. LAW. 'But do you really wanna know why. Because when i read the Sparknotes to  Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird" I fell into admiration with the Noble Lawyer Atticus Finch. I will never change that reason, but on the surface, when I spin the totem, and im convinced that im awake lets say im trying to help those people who I am sposed to look down upon. But Atticus, lowkey is a father figure to me, and that book deserves a genuine read. I guess you can say, though fictional, A Strong Willed Role-Model who fought with his heart. An Attorney who fought for Tom Robinson. A Literary Hero who saw the Good in people. Who hated inequality.

Let me get back to Undergrad. Where was I?

There is so many things and so many thoughts and so many storys i want to turn into allegories about the last 8 Semesters. I interviewed with Associated Students for the Vice-President of Finance, and figured out the only way for me to have been selected was to prematurely quit my Summer Internship at Parker Hannifin. No. Its sad that it came down to that, as there are so many trainings meetings and events that are mandatory, but i have to pursue this internship with an as open mind and wallet. 40 hours a week and more if i would so choose. Im happy that I even have options like this, based on the opportunities given to me and taken from others. Can I really be happy about that? I guess i should be due to the unlimited aspects of Happiness. On the other side i sense hopelessness from those that sit next to me. When I left  from my first day at an office job, I got on the elevator and somebody was going down. I asked him how he was doing ( Too much excitement on that day) He said good, then asked me. I just smiled and he rhetorically answered "Livin the Dream". 

What is education? Nearly 4 years ago I could have written a book on what Education was, and what i wanted it to be. Today I would take that book and burn it so it will never be salvaged. I think of education as something different today. As much as i think its a right, i believe it belongs in the hands and minds that deserve it. Those genuinely thirsty for knowledge. Those who want to learn and grow. 20/20 hindsight and this keyboard would have me becoming an English Major. I love Psychology, but whose hiring? I would always Enjoy Nutrition and Kiniesiology, but what happens in 20 years? Im at the mercy of the 2 line indication of Supply and Demand who said i should study Accounting. I truely love it. Definetly. Why is it Taking 5 years? CPA requirements and im studying Finance as well. Im not a big fan of Finance outside of its good working knowledge. It's the study of Greed. Dont Say 5th year or Super Senior. Its the Victory Lap.


I do feel like I grew up over the past year. Its no use to take it from me though. I wouldnt reccommend you listin to what i say. I completed an Internship at a small international Taxation CPA firm. On the 8th floor with a view of the Matterhorn Mountain and Angel's Stadium. I guess the view from up was great, cuz you can look down. Convieniently you can look down on people as well. It's kinda scaring me. I start another Internship on a larger scale. But i get to meet more people who will give me ideas i have yet taught about. Aerospace. Engineers who will help build my SpaceShip so I do like The Neils before me.

man its late, Why am i still up?

"The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience."
- Atticus Finch