Roomationship

My room forever, but its all cleaned out. I'm gonna miss my Roommate. There is a lot i learned from him even though he doesn't speak English.

Planned Parenthood

I Have 2 Fathers. 

1.Father Time. An elderly man usually depicted as the Grim Reaper, holding his clock reminding me that I'm just worthless flesh in God's Kingdom. I’m in complete agreement, which I need to clean my act up.  I spend idle time trying to figure you out. I’m trying to work the clock like I can save time. But time waits for no man. As fair as that sounds, Father Time tick tocks in second place to

2. Father Mine. To the world you are a great host. Good spirits and always positive. By the standard of the Indian Resident, you’re a cipher.  Not a doctor, and thus I will not be a doctor.  Not an engineer, thus I was not a nerd in school. You became a Chef. And you exceeded every expectation put onto an insignificant chef. You were the child of an unsuccessful businessman and a homeopathic hero for a mother in the heart of Bombay. You defied many to marry a Beautiful South –Indian woman and you both came to the United States. Your agreement with Father Time brought 2 brothers and myself before you with an abundance of questions.

You were brought up Hindu. Mom went to Catholic school. You left it up to me to gather which path to take. We would all go to the temple, then we would all go to church on Sunday. I’m composed; I have hypocritically accepted Jesus Christ. I know he is looking after me with his celestial angels, but I cannot escape Father Time.  And I am humbled to say I am not migrating in the right direction, At 21 years of age there is nothing you or mom could do to influence me. It’s all coming from within as I look forward. “How much forward? Is the question I ask my self in the uncertainty’s of the A.M.   Where the thought of ruination and existence are lose precedence to my bank account and wallet which recently couldn’t challenge the weakest of rubber bands.  I can’t comment too much on the Relationship between you and God or your father He is not here but you maneuver.  As you get older I have to examine our relationship. So…

I’m moving out. This time it’s for good and all I needed from you in terms of financial leverage is to cosign on the loan.  I started to appreciate education and what it can do for my brain not the wallets of big company’s who will one day invest in me. Prestigious Universities who will disdain my honest intellectual inquiry in favor of my mediocre G.P.A. supplemented by a test that is “Standardized”. I turned up into this year to be anything but “Standard”, but then again I glance at my wallet, awkward smile, and just keep my Fucking mouth shut. You made it. I know you did it this time because I can see your seismic stress level. Your younger brother is full of mental pressure, which ultimately resulted in a heart attack with the same cigarettes in his pocket.  You are in a position to turn things around for him; Admirable and I feel as though I would need to build a similar support system for your sons. In 2007, similar to the Lakers season, I saw you literally squeeze every ounce of energy to keep the restaurant afloat, including a subsidization of my pay of an amount not tangible, just enough to keep a smile on my face. Secretly what I like about you is you were never a businessman; you were something of a philosopher when the landlord accepted the restaurant back for a piece of cheese in 2008. I was then accepting other jobs in that year to selfishly pay my rent and fraternity dues. Honest inquiry, I wondered how you kept mentally sane. When the realities of our economy presented themselves to you on a platter, how did you keep us undated? When you took a job comparable to your job in India, why did you purchase that Mercedes E320? Because you believed in yourself.  And you had definiteness of purpose. You stuck to your guns like Mr. Jobs in his Levi’s.  Keeping your mind at the same place is what kept our family in the city of Lake Forest, and the seeds you planted erected the Tomatoes you needed in 2009.  I’m moving out Dad because more than anything the independence is what keeps me in symmetry.

This last weekend was the first weekend in memory where by 12 p.m. on Friday I had no plans for Saturday.  The last 3 weekends I was not serving beautiful customers happened to be incredible times in the city of sin.  I stand here in the middle of the week a bit dumbfounded in terms of employment. My money is dangerously low as a result of getting laid off the job I detested to appreciate.  I had a Job interview yesterday and I always keep that energy up.  In fact I’m composing now just to garner that confident (imnogoingtokissass) swagger. It takes me one step closer to my goal of taking your First name out of my name on Facebook.  The name that resonates Bombay Chinese food forever I accept it for one

1.     I am still not completely financially independent to you.

2.     I am proud to be the 1^st son of a man of your character
3.     Enough Said

One day its just going to be my first and last name, it might take a rubber band test but at 21 years old I accept that I am not yet a man. As Carlo Collodi’s Pinocchio was created as a wooden puppet, I feel inanimate, although my 2 Fathers have blessed me with the ability to dream.  In my dreams anything is possible. Similar to my nephew Pinocchio I dream of becoming a real man.  I created my paradox when I identified the lust of the complacent career student.  The intensification of my realizations came when I should have expected it the most. The weekend I turned 21 years of age, I thought I was at your level on a drive to Vegas in which I vaguely remember, on a trip back not talking about how I lost a few hundred, but the pride exuded. My thoughts being a man were quickly justified by the death of my engine, brought on by the ignorance of a rash 21 year old Child. Equipped with fake earrings and one of the greatest fauxhawks I ever cut. A Birthday present from you was dubbed “ The Car I Don’t Deserve to Drive” A Birthday Present from Father Time proves that lesson to be invariably the most material present since getting cut from the basketball team. A straight slap in the face that questioned my lifestyle. A smile back from the heavens, when I looked up with the unnecessary swag and Father Time ripping my very heart and exposing it to my face.  It’s a real challenge before I EVEN THINK about declaring myself a Man. The results from that were well documented. I was humbled that you accepted me back in your house, as I couldn’t leverage a lust lifestyle with over $9000 in damages.  $9000 until this gorilla hangs dry. $9000 and then I can say I did something. $9000 and I’m in proximity of a real man conversations.  So it may not mean anything more than that amount, but I changed meanings and turn liability into asset. You looked at me and I looked around at the mirrors searching for somebody to blame. Thank you ignorance, and I am assured you will never transpire on a trip back from Vegas.  With patience I found a way to reciprocate this debt for an internship that promises me a future.

I want to take this time to thank you for completely financing the first 2 years of my Higher Education. I want to thank your creativity and the State of California for coming through for 3 semesters. You (un)like many fathers help their children by investing in them. Now I'm not getting into “a mind is a terrible thing to waste” bullshit but now that I finally (7 semesters in) see the value of the bachelor’s degree I really value it and that’s why I feel like I should pay for it somehow. I have “Obtained” employment this summer and its looking good for the spring as well (don’t jinx it). I will be making more money than anybody has believed I deserve to earn. Balancing a sheet to the tune of my education has me grossing almost double at an hourly rate that balancing a tray has ever promised me. I got pretty good at balancing the tray over the years and I want to thank you for teaching me. I met some incredible individuals while working as a server.  But allow me to cut to the chase and express to you an acknowledgement of starting at the bottom. I’m starting to feel more complete from the feet up.  I feel like I can handle it from here because I have understood what can go down at a catering, and nothing can touch it. Not a tax return or a financial audit.  I remember the many times I have witnessed Father and son come in and I serve them. It would always bug me to think to myself:

“When can my dad and I do this, just go out, order a couple beers, and talk about life.”

It’s starting to look better. And pretty soon you’ll be the one bossing the waiter around  and ill be the one taking the check. I can’t wait for that day because I always love when we get to talk about Life. Sentience. Growth. Personal Productivity. Human Relation. God. You are a philosopher and (in terms of my reiteration) I have just scratched the surface. I’m starting to think this is not the last blog I am going to write about you  One thing you were not very much involved in was my high school basketball career.

I have one regret in my life. Just one, as I write I can be completely honest with my self and usually humbled to world before me. Getting cut from the basketball team still lives to wither my soul. I am certain why it happened; the ball was in my court and I just didn’t dribble it. I didn’t have the work ethic. I had a girlfriend around that time, and did only what I needed to do to get by with basketball. No drive.  Not trying hard is what excludes me from the conversation. I didn’t get cut, but I requested it through complacent behavior. I took my position for granted. Similarly a percentage (the better off) of the human race take life for granted. A lesson was to be learned when I yearned for your attention on the sideline. Though you didn’t exist in the crowd I got the cheers from the O.P.P. (Other Peoples Parents). It was not the same. What does clapping sound like when you have one hand? What was awful in my eyes was not even being asked about it when you came home from your routine 13-hour day. What was wrong in your eyes was I was never thankful that you kept the food on the table. Good food at that. The good food on the table that was worthy to power my scrawny arms and nourish my bones.  It was my dreams for 15 long years. While we never saw eye to eye until years of maturity ratified me I can now say one thing.

“Even though you weren’t in the sidelines to see me shine during the game. My downfall set me up for life’s lessons. “

Maybe if you were there I would be able to show the coaching staff my potential. Your youngest son yearns for the same attention. I will try to give him what I can knowing you have 2 restaurants you have to earth, while there was one that kept you from my games. The knowing that you would be at my game would have changed motivation for me. You weren’t there so there are no pictures to document it. The love that wasn’t there was irreplaceable but a more mature Neil will always understand and thank you for your hard work and money that gave me the opportunity to play. Getting cut gave me exposure to my death. From now on with my endeavors, or any undertaking that I believe in, I will put forth my best effort.

“If I were to get “cut” from anything as a result of my behavior, it would probably suck my heart dry” “It would take away my matchless will to live, I probably would stop breathing”

School is easy.  It was 1/4 of a life that is becoming the challenge. Accounting is just counting and observing. Finance is not a skill, its just prediction. I will be the first “College” graduate in our family, and I feel like ill have better things to do than be there sitting in the sun to accept my diploma. I mean I had better things to do on 3 other occasions when they wanted to recognize me. It’s not a big deal to me because every time I would talk about how my day went you shut me down to nothing and claim it was about “results”. I want to acknowledge recent graduates because I feel like accepting my diploma is not the “result”. Rather options. I want the freedom to choose. I want to re-write destiny. Realistically write signatures on job offers. I hope for 4 rejects and ill choose the dotted line that best suites me. I thought that was a fair tradeoff for staying in school for another year. I admire how you left your house, left your family, left your motorcycle, with a culinary education to move to Chicago. An even better move was your move to Southern California where your children could grow under our immortal sunlight. It was your decision. Working for Airline Catering until they couldn’t promote you any farther than the “Executive Chef” I vaguely remember you spending your time off (Saturday and Sunday) turning our home Kitchen into a Catering Kitchen. You Catered out of our own house and even changed our home number to (714)- 774- CHEF. Minimal marketing and hard work and saving money let you inaugurate every Chef’s dream, opening your own restaurant.  We already discussed my attitude about my future in the restaurant vocation, and it just wouldn’t be a story for me. I couldn’t write about it. I could fall back on it, but that’s falling. I’m trying to Rise.  Shit, it might make the most financial sense too. But I don’t get pleasure from the “results” you speak off. My virtue lies within its journey. But when Father Time comes pointing at the clock, I look back again at my wallet, and I’m presented with every pressure. I am taken deep into the dark and harsh realities of a world filed with temptations beyond my wildest dreams.  I’m preparing myself for that day, more so than my wedding day.

“I don’t know dad”

I have exactly 64 dollars to my name and at least 3 weeks till I can get a job and at least 5 weeks till I can see the loan. I feel like a failure to ask you for money but you did lay me off. I’m a Hardhead but I guess I need to take off this helmet and just give you a hug. It’s not that serious with sunglasses on, but I look at the topic under a microscope. Ever since ignorance coming back from Vegas I tell myself to be a Man. From there I covet to do better than you did. Every Father would encourage his Son to better than him. Its because you love me. But when I do ask you for about 300 dollars today I hope you hold me accountable. Because were on the same side (sunglasses) but you’re my target (microscope). I’m aiming right at you. I don’t know about your other 2 sons, and their life plans but I have been a server for almost 7 years.  So with taxes, bankruptcy and other things that people hate to deal with, I’m going to be their man.  I wont mention the word “attorney” prematurely, but it’s a goal. My fan club will grow, but for me to take on the upcoming TangyTomato / Chowpatty National empire would take some goals and lofty creativity. Lets get it.

“ I accept”

The Challenge has always brought a smile upon my face. The Challenge you presented me to make money to pay my rent brought me to the world of hair design. I love it. I love it. I love it.  I was getting pretty good even referrals had referrals. I might start that back up and see how it goes. But it was a lesson learned that I got something out of the struggle.  Now I really have some options. Another Job, Masters, JD, Hair School, etcetera. I feel like a hand with a power plug figuring out with outlet on a surge protector will light up the room. I feel like a naked man with like 8 naked…ok well damn. My big break. And I know what helps me. It’s helping others and communicating with them about their issues. It’s bringing others into equilibrium. That’s my major definite purpose.

When I talk about others, believe I fancy to have a son of my own. I haven’t thought of a name, neither a mother. But I do (as a result of this post), size myself and the women I meet for that inception. While that’s another topic, I will mention this: the birth and upbringing of my child will be similar. Will I attend his basketball games?  I wouldn’t miss them for the world. I interpret that feeling all too well.  

"You try to stay even keel and not get too high or low after a win or loss. You just move on to the next one. Take care of business."

– Kobe Bryant after Game 1 of the 2010 NBA Finals.

Dad, you nearly translated to me this above quote in detail many years ago. You don’t go to the temple, but through meditation and the depths of the law of attraction you became a philosopher IMO.  Our most recent conversation before I attempted to start this post ended in your understanding of your place in this universe. I asked you “What have you learned, tell me honestly what you have learned in the last 10 years”

“I’m Fearless, if I become successful, I won’t get too excited, if I go down, its not a big deal. I don’t fear the future”

I’m as of now but that’s what I want, and looking back on the past year, half of which I was 21 years of age, I have a lot of germinating left to be germinated, a lot of learning I’m yearning. I’m afraid I wont grow to my potential. I fear I might be compared to my peers who never felt fear, who never have seen uncertainty. I hate comparing myself (good or bad) to the next boy but sadly I still do. I need to stop that useless shit so I’m turning off the TV besides Mtv. I want to read and write. Mental preparation for the prestige of a professional education in the realm of Law.  Fearless is the goal. You are the goal.

Father Mine, I know deep down though. I know it in my heart, Father Time has our numbers. I’m an 80s baby and your 53 years old. I know it in my heart because you stopped spoiling me and let me learn and teach from my mistakes. I know it in my heart that I could have been fearless on the court, I needed you to cheer. I know it in my heart, as your son, You want to see your “SonShine” so comfortable under your shadow is just wasting God’s amiable rays of light. I know it in my heart because you equipped me with something they don’t teach in schools. You say your “fearless”, but deep down, I know it in my heart that your not. I know it in my heart, deep in my heart. It was written that I would make it. Deep into the perfect temperature of the cup of Tea that warms the Heart. I Love You more than Anything, I’ll go to the drafts of struggle to keep y(our) dreams alive. 2 Fathers created me, with the ability to dream for myself. In my heart of hearts, I know deep down you still fear something.

“Don’t believe the lies/Look me in my eyes”

“Please don’t be scared of me.”

Job interview

Be Confident. I'm a bit scared of heights though

Jet

hungry

Fearless

for Cost Accounting. a lot is on the line. but I left my emotion at the door.

Patience.

Im scared of what i wont become.

Ode to the Pulse.

Yeah Right..Like i was going to reject.

Intelligent Ink just sealed the deal.

No inferior pen would do.=]

Count your Blessings.

With so many blessings, its getting tough for even an AcCOUNTing Major to keep up.

This is a great morning alarm clock jam.

American Investigative Journalism

I was reading an article posted by my cost accounting professor. and it showed how Hollywood Accounts for profit in the Motion Picture industry. From the Marketing to Distribution, the whole supply chain. Big blockbuster movies like Forest Gump gross about $382 million in its first year of release yet the project suffered a NET LOSS of $65 million. the way they account for movies is a whole different ball game. A ball game known very well by  Edward Jay Epstein, who went to Cornell University, and while he was a grad student, he published his first book called  Inquest, the Warren Commission and the Establishment of Truth. Written in 1960s he discusses the Kennedy assasination.




He has been writing for almost 50 years dude. Looks like he has covered JFK and now hes into Hollywood.








I have 5 finals which will sum up a great semester for myself. on that wednesday night im done its going to be either hit the bar, or start hitting the books. Thats going to be a tough one.

shades over my eyes

Attention Deficit

I really cant sleep right now. Its that can ov rock star i took at 7pm. it was legit and it did its job way too well. I came home at around 11, made myself a martini, watched nonsense on YouTube with the brothers and i was in bed at 12 ready to wake up at around 6. I wake up at 2 and toss around for an hour. Tea is my destiny i come to you to word this.

Today i want to talk about Attention Span. So i present everything i currently know about it and i hope when my attention is not present (or I'm sleeping) i get something out of this Subject.


I'm sure we attract and think about what we are in congruence with. Have you ever noticed that you start noticing the car that you drive on the road? It became easier to seek. Today we have Twitter and Hash tags, which bring it to you. Today our attention spans are getting less exercise. Anything that you don't stress will grow bad. i mean back in the day i used to watch rap city and TRL, now its gone because we can watch videos via VEVO anytime. we used have to manage our schedule around it,and its working in the opposite way supposedly to our benefit.


Who reads books anymore. I googled a few statistics

• 50 percent of American adults are unable to read an eighth grade level book. 
• 40 percent of all high school graduates never pick up a book again.
• 25 percent of all college graduates never pick up a book again .
• Arizona uses literacy rates to figure out how many beds to put into their prisons.

The factors are endless to see our decline. I picked up a book, and to my surprise i could have finished it in one sitting if time was plentiful. It was about stuff like this. American culture and it was presented pretty negatively. Although i hate to bring any negativity in my life i do think knowledge is power. i do want to refocus and reexamine. From "The Empire of Illusion" by Chris Hedges, i want to read about 5 more books that he recommends. from there it goes on to different.

I love YouTube. but after seeing what I'm seeing, I have found beauty in literature. I'm not a story-teller and I'm very far from an aspiring author, but i am beginning to appreciate this literary work. What correlates to the last sentence is I'm also beginning to appreciate my own education more. And as i battle with finals again i can draw from this appreciation. And believe me anything you do coming from appreciation and a positive attitude you do better.

I devoted my attention briefly to other people represented by those statistics. No more. In my first blog i said i would read a few books this year, not one. And i hate dishonesty so i have to read another book, and I'm going to love it.

This blog is not secured at all with any privacy settings. When i made it, i wanted it to be something that you found, i don't just share my thoughts with facebook. When i made it, i knew i would touch subjects and if i did just let it out, it would have some positive and negative consequences. I kinda like how its going now. But as i write and write profusely i write, i begin to get even more secluded in thought. This challenges the world to get more creative in seeking my story. I want this to be as special for you as it is for me. I don't want your attention,  unless its the right way.

Seek and you shall find.  That's the foundation of "Tea Is My Destiny" I cant believe that held true 11 months ago.

"You are not Disordered"

stupidity

Sleep on it.

Thats why God give you night.

Last night i was faced with the toughest "keep your cool" and smile situation in my 1 year something tenure track at the Tangy Tomato.  Why/How did i get pushed so far last night? Why was i so enraged at that point, its not like me. I think its the meeting point of causation between it being a wednesday night, the team was short staffed due to a catering, and my close coming resignation from the restaurant. It all hit me at once and the scrawny 20 something year old who rubbed me the wrong way at the wrong time exposed almost everything i try to take out of my picture frame. God you are so great to challenge me on the eve of Thanksgiving.

I was going to write this last night. as the rage only continues when you get into the car and reflect on your 30 min drive home from work. It only gets more creative. i was writing lines in my head. Being so negative i diddnt want to take it to my pride and joy. My blog.  Not this thanksgiving. We give thanks. Thankful yes i am. For what? starting with the most basic and prevalent.

1. I'm Thankful for the day off. To spend with Mom Rishi and Jet. 
2. Thanks Dad and Jai for holding down the restaurant. For which its success makes for a better life for our family. A better life for Dad and Mom namely. Im so glad my mom doesn't have to work though she chooses to. 
3. Thank you Jet. When i look into your eyes, i see the reflection of my power to love. The greatest ability i have was generated through your unconditional loving. You never say anything but you communicate to me very accurately(that your hungry) lol. I really don't think i would be the same without you, you have shaped me more than most humans. 
4. To the Beautiful Young Wordsmith who brought me into blogging. When i first saw your blog and witnessed your innate creativity it was like you popped open the wine bottle i bundle these thoughts and Ideas. Now im trying to keep up with the word play in order to win "The Competition".
5. To my youngest brother. You Never Gave Up. When i would have given up. You diddnt. Damn thank you for opening up my eyes. I live vicariously now, instead of creating my dream years ago, i let the pen down. I threw in the towel but you diddnt. Thank you for showing me something i can apply anywhere in life.
6. Jai, the thinker. I know you are going to make it because you have a very rhythmic approach and we can all relate to it. Your working very dearly, but i want you to keep it moving. Out of us 3 you are the most sensory. Im thankful for you and will do whatevers necesary for your success.
7. To my Older brother Kobe. The craft. Its in the Craft. You have shaped my mind so much. I know we are illusioned to glorify heroes in our culture, but i see it differently. You glorify the pain involved in Championships, not the Champaigne afterwards. For you, you love the journey. and the slow realization of that became the single greatest motivation as i move through life. I rep the lakers, but i rep your outlook the most. THE MOST. Thank You.
8. Dad. This is going to be a weird one. Its crazy how your more passionate about me cutting hair than going to a law school. I guess its what you see in me and how i got to cutting hair. its defeinetly a story to tell, but your story is greater. You took what you loved the most and created something out of it. You are no Doctor or Engineer, but an Artist. And i think it shows with your peers where your personality stands out. ill probably write a whole nother blog of appreciation, but for now im thanking you for all your support, 
9. Mother I love you. Im so proud of you. Thank you for being the most Beautiful Woman in the world.
10. California State University. Thank you for being my gateway. For the professionals to push me. The education i need. The Degree with 2 concentrations. The reminder that i have to hustle to compete with students who have more money and go to more prestigeous universities. I see it. Thank you for putting my foot in the door.  "Formal education will get you a job but self education will get you rich"
11. Parker Haniffin Aerospace. Thank you for the Job Offer. Even though i start in June. I will treat every day at your corporation like my interview day. Unlike the jobs in the past, i will now work for a CEO and Shareholders.

That felt much better. but i just want to move through this world and shake as many hands as i can. I want my energy to resonate through others. I want to take people  with me. I think thats what i have going for me.

 Ok i gotta go study but its Quote time

"Conquer your enemies with love" -Gandhi

Algorithm

 "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but"

Via the help of wikipedia i explain a physiological fallacy called  the Appeal to emotion. 


Conclusively, the appeal to emotion fallacy presents a perspective intended to be superior to reason. Appeals to emotion are intended to draw visceral feelings from the acquirer of the information. And in turn, the acquirer of the information is intended to be convinced that the statements that were presented in the fallacious argument are true; solely on the basis that the statements may induce emotional stimulation such as fear, pity and joy. Though these emotions may be provoked by an appeal to emotion fallacy, substantial proof of the argument is not offered, and the argument's premises remain invalid.


What was just explained was the reason we shell out money to watch a movie or purchase a CD. Its why you would zealously bump your head and close your eyes to music because you can relate times in your life to whats being presented almost seamlessly. Almost as if you share the same pessimistic mindset. Almost as if they know you personally. Its like Its where Marketing and your Brain work together to extract money out of your pocket. Its the reason why i bought Kid Cudi's CD. Never has a song like Track 11 hit my emotions so perseveringly in manner. Scott, i swear my own life fantasy of being named after Neil Armstrong will be evident  every time i hear something sci-fi. I swear i feel like the man on the moon sometimes.


Actually most of the the time. I don't know how long it took to land on the moon, but i know you have to be alone for a while going from earth into the unknown. My unknown happened to be a series of situations i was forced into. its not much, its not crazy, its just my life and social sacrifices i am not accustomed to. Its staying home on a Thursday night quelling my thirst is water. its working and making money and love that my car sounds so powerful as i drive to school in the morning. The same car that i don't deserve to drive. Its loving the room i left in order to become independent. its not going into detail with people about why I moved away from my apartment and back into my moms house. Its the debate we all go through in the morning. My debate starts with 2 blankets and the warmth of My bed versus my luck in the cold world. I created a monster in me. During the last few weeks it nearly embezzled me until i found out that i got a job in the summer, which ultimately sealed a job for me after i graduated. I had to celebrate. I know I'm sounding negative, but in reality i do love life and love the opportunities provided. I always stray away from the big picture, which is, i have a home, i have a family, i have clean water, and i can read.  I was given 2 eyes to read, and from reading, i can absorb so much information from libraries of literature. I'm also very young at 21 years of age i have so much to read.


This monster was dormant and somehow was vitalized when i played the cd over and over. Number 11 being the catalist i feel like it was a police description of what i would like to call my "Algorithm".

I come to this place, in the shadows, its my blog. my hideaway. Its my escape from the present. where i can share information to the seekers who seek it. and it serves as the mirror to my self. Not a reflective one that shows a smile, but an emotional recount of my beating heart. My Algorithm has been changed  a few times but sometime during the last six weeks i got a glimpse into my own way of thinking. I come back and i have one goal through it all. I want to be a Man. A REAL MAN (pinnochio voice, lol).  If i want to go to grad school as a 30 year old with my own saved money vs. a 22 year old puppet of my father, its going to be a tough decision. I hate depending on other people. I would much rather do it myself. It aggitates me to think i would be financially dependent to somebody else. it bothers me. It would bother me as a potential man to live somebody else dream. I have one life as Neil Syal. Right now its Neil Raj Syal, but i want my first name to be uninterupted.

This next part is going to be really perplexing  to explain.

Being a man is my algorithm. Its how i know frame everything from women who need a protector for our children.. To my brothers who need advice to live out their dreams. To my mother who is still protective. To the Job Recruiter who probably thinks i will do ANYTHING to have a position. Im hardwired to be this way. Going to law school is a great thing. I want to do it. but now im thinking if i were to just go and not credit myself in the world, im not only wasting my education, im spending somebody else's money. I would be in a financially dependent circumstance to my father.  Thats not a man. I want to go to law school on my terms. The JD degree behind my name would reflect my sacrifice to get there. weather it be working full time while getting it or thinking of something creative. I made the deans list a few semesters ago. While i dont think its very hard to make it there. (school is easy) I made the deans list and diddnt even shake the deans right hand because i was at disneyland washing dishes using both hands on that thursday evening. i hope the audience clapped with their hands a little extra despite my absence because that was one of two jobs needed to pay my rent for the month. everytime i look at the award i am not reminded of my 3.7 g.p.a. that semester. its deeper.

Through Maniac, i have identified my Algorithm and will continue to explore it in week 13 of School.



"Live every week like its Shark Week"

A Real Job?

I can relate. unless you fed me your entire story i feel like i might know what you are going through. They asked me if the customer is always right. I responded "Of Course, the Customer is ALWAYS right, because without revenues supplied by themmmmmm, we cant construct a capital structure. I diddnt get into any economics, but that would be the only way i could keep talking without getting my true feelings adjacent.




As a customer, i cant help but accept whatever i get. I now hold a great respect to every server at denny's working the early morning shift. Every bartender, bouncer, and especially the bathroom attendent. I try to start conversations and do my best to make their day. Recently this became really important to me. It became really important to me to view my peoples as equals, or even above. My innate satisfaction with life tends to always be on my side. the cup overflows onto the table and drips on the floor.

They asked me how i prioritize things in my life. I answered pretty liquiditly and said that i love people. I love my social life, but the promise made to me by the university and a even more liquid element (my job) i have the satisfaction to know that most of my friends are staying for good so i can concentrate singlemindedly on what offers a promise. The promise though, was given to me standing in front of a mirror. or a piece of glass to be dramatic, where 2 pupils turned into 4 looking  in the same direction.

I put that to the test in the month of october. I understood my need to socialize and party. Losing myself in the process i found that in this rare month of 5 full weekends, i spend a minimal amount of time doing the weekend. In Chris Hedges' masterpiece  "The Empire of Illusion" i immediately understood how human beings are so "maleable" or should i say easy to please. My interpretation of the facebook like button is the same as ordering off the mcdonalds picture menu, its easy convienient and it appeals to the masses. I feel like its true that we lack culture and depend on the media to provide the fodder for our nutrition.  IF they asked me what my strength was. I would respond with a smile. Because it is what it is. I was brought to this planet to touch hearts.



Well today there were no more behavioral questions. There was one though.



Actually it was more like an offer.

I missed his call(heart jumped), called back, (skipped a beat).


It was a JOB offer. an internship yes. but the step 1 which in pareto principle, was more important than all my other steps combined . I wanted it. I wanted it the right way.

i celebrated.

Now its back to work. i have the day off tommorow.

but i have a to-do list that is waiting to undress a whole 8.5x11.


Thank You Kobe.
Thank You Family
Thank you God.

I have so much more to do. But i cant say that this is a real job relative to ones ive had before. It is a job though, that will utilize my knowledge and force me to think.



=]

Act I the world I am ruling

Yeah

Welcome,

Welcome You

Hey

I am your big brother,

What do I have to say to the kids?

Let go, life does get tough

No need to stress,

Hold you back too much,

Lets go I heard they found a solution

Where’ll you be for the Revolution?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

I love you Vivian Oh

I forgot

cheers.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

the pledge

I pledge that this is the last beer I will drink in 2010 unless I hand in my test on Wednesday at 515 with no doubt I got an A. I really have to get that a because I don't wanna bthat sober knowing its the best for me.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

phew

I think they liked me. I hope they like me. we'll find out in a couple days. but the show must go on

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

Hustle and flow

I feel like I am staring at the high dive. I came and I saw. I now see because I was a seeker. now its time to speak. I know Jesus has his angels looking after me. I guess the best thing for me to do for 20 mins is appreciate everything god has given me. to get me to sit here in front of corporate America. thank you. for every individual you have put before me. the talents I must now utilize. the magic. the miracles you have granted to my family. the empty pages and the pen voice recording, I have 2 hands and I will use one of them to write the other one to help keep my head up . thank you for making me struggle because I can see your there in my life and you really care. the opportunity. thanks for the opportunity. I promise to move through this world and sacrifice everything besides my integrity. I keep this badge on me in this progressive situation to remind me that I did start somewhere at the bottom. I hope my head stays the same size because its feeling great at where its at . I'm blessed. I hope I never forget where I came from. I really hope I don't because its so easy to do so. every body does it. but I'm not them.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

Shooting Myself in the foot.

Thank yous to the career center for letting me have the opportunity. 

Veni Vidi

This will probably be the hardest blog to date. Simply because i feel like a water balloon filled to its exact absolute. Faced with 2 decisions to either live life on the brink, or let go. I popped at around 1:30pm this Friday. Im not a water balloon though. I am a bit discomposed. Positively, because from 1:30 today and 1:30p.m. (on the Fuckin dot) Next Friday is the rest of my life before my first interview for an Accounting Internship.  I asked for it. I applied with that single piece of   electronic paper that is supposed to be represent every plasma, cell, and platelets that carry oxygen and nutrients that carry back the by-products. On that note i have a rapid heartbeat, and i don't think its going to ever go away.

Strategic decisions i have made since my change have end resulted in things like this. Opportunities. I finally feel like i am thinking clearly and heading in the right direction. Its innate now. I made a decision to stay for my 5th year in school. Now i have an internships interview. Causation. Opportunity. I love it. The challenge to me, and all im going to be thinking about for the next week leading up to friday is, How am i supposed to par with this interviewer. How honest? Staying positive is the name of the game, but what will tug is my internal love struggle . 

I have a certain "Lust" for life.  and I'm beginning to view human beings differently in terms of their intentions and I'm getting quicker to see somebody for being genuine. when you professionally network, you have an agenda. And thats not a situation i would like to be in. I want to make friends with somebody and land this internship, i think something has got to give in this situation.  Things have tottally changed in some "respects". I've always loved people. Always. But i used to respect alot of people. Thats changing day by day as im in search of a hero, A big brother to help make sure im heading in the right places. 

I look at the graduate students much differently when presented to me. i know a 27 year old who finished her Juris Doctor but has never worked a day in her life. She had the grades so i shook my head like yeah im impressed. Should i land this internship, my resume now has some relevant work expirience only to replace my sandwich making and dishwashing experience. and i know it means absolutely nothing to that girls mother, but its those jobs at the bottom that make me feel deserving of what's next. Its that core, its the real love that was at stake when i had so much on my mind. I was silent, and on friday at 1:30 i  get to speak. 

I came, I saw, 

(thats what she said)

,layS ihsiR raeD

 Dearest Brother

I knew you would do it. I hope your a successful young man when you reading this because your probably not going to seek it until a day a very far time from when i wrote this. Multiple years till we both seek to  speak on the synonymous. The levels of consciousness between you and me in 2010, especially seen from the outside are in a disparity. I started composing this blog, and it took over me. now it raises me. if i sit here for long enough, i reach a the New York state of mind.

You have coerced me to be proud of you. You understood what was missing in your life. Its always good to multitask, but when you focused on that one void.  That hollow that prevented you from being you. You lacked Happiness. Jealous, You saw it in your peers eyes.

I can see it in yours. 

Your story, though one in the small suburban community of Lake Forest, in a plausible basketball program such as El Toro High School, is enough to inspire any individual you can see under you. my question to you is, ( and its kinda directed toward myself) what happens  when you look up. what do you see. 

My Broken dreams.  My Castle in the air. Speculations of my past they will always be there. As i try to never live with regret, i never wanted to sit ad mist the trash and fellow Fans half heartedly cheering for the players that represented my school. Though our mom and dad you and jai never made it to one of my games as a family, believe me i will be bringing everybody to see your debut.  The truth is we don't always do the right thing. and each day as i fuck up, i will make sure it doesn't happen to you. 

im getting a taste of the real world. ive seen every avenue of my school and now have a new attitude on what it means to be educated. there is so much you get to have on your way up that wasn't presented to me . I don't know if that means if either of us will be further fulfilled, but i m going to make sure you don't make the similar mistakes i did. 

Complacency killed me. i was relaxed.After they cut me, it seems the same Jersey they took off my back in 2005 happened to fit you in 2010. they didn't wash it, and you weren't bothered. Tenacity that i can see in your every move as you let them know that your for real. You have it. You have the drive. we have the same heros. except for one, because i want to let you know that i think your my hero. The goal you set was almost unattainable.  you knew you were going to get there because you never took shortcuts to get there. It was your destiny to be in that program. 

It was great  while my stint lasted, but it barely lasted that i couldn't even sip my drink. There is nobody who i would rather be than Neil Syal, But sometimes i would take your 10 fingers as an alternative.  In lieu of my own body, as a matter of choice, if i had a flux capacitor. I let the biggest opportunity of my young 15 year life pass me by. Gone, and i started from the bottom at 15 years old making minimum wage.  Everything that i dreamed of went through the same game that still pumps oxygen  through the two lower chambers of my heart. When i got cut it left me without oxygen and to this day its pumping that carbon dioxide furiously. These ventricles will never stop because both my mind and whatever left in my heart are transmigrating into the next investment. 

I know this is what you want little brother., and i speak from somebody that knows there is so much to offer after basketball. but i will speak none of it to you. The moment. Your Moment is now and steady into the future that i hope you build from this. Fight. hit those weights. Tear it up. I cant wait to see you shine, and know these qualities in you will transform everything you come into contact with. 

Even though it pains. 

I cherish every opportuntity to redirect it.  

Your success is my success.

They will talk down to you. They will spit on you. Break you. Never. 

On to the next one

Your Brother and Friend

Neil 

I'm about to open up this badboy for the first time

The Depth of Intensity.

This video makes me tear up. 

aftermath

ill send an email to each of these cards pretending that I am so thankful. they will reply with a standard see you later and hope they remembered my brown face.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

Good to know

But you be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work (2 Chronicles 15:7)

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?xl=xl_blazer&v=qhCM7iwjWOw

Here you go.

Dear Mr. Deloitte 

 Irrelevant is all my thoughts and emotions. On this Jpeg image i showcased 21 years 3 months and 22 days of relevancy to my best abilty. This took a little less than an hour to produce and its tangibly all i  have to persuade you to offer me a position in your company. 

I guess this is what you wanted. But you will hear from me on september 30th. 

Neil Raj Syal

Wise words from a decent man

The more you study, the more i like you. - Rajkumar

holes in the wall

scotties burgers was a great atmosphere for me to study. great pancakes too.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

jamba juice

http://i52.tinypic.com/6gltw0.png

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

debang

banggggger

(Dis(s))Cover Letter

Dear  Mister Lord of the Flies.

I want to first apologize to the great people at Ernst and Young. I was totally out of line and my anger was just the result of the negative associative transfer when I immersed from the sea and had my initial breath of salty air in the corporate world. In the last 19 days on this island I have learned new survivial techniques. Cultural norms. Met foreign locals and enjoyed their food. They have given me tours and promised me a future.  Im learning a lot everyday, and besides adhering to their dress code, I consider myself the newest addition to the society. The Accounting Island, and Its my turn to hold the conch shell.

In any organization, team building is encouraged. They found the number 1 reason kids are staying in school, is because of their friends. In higher education, from the administrations perspective we call this  learning groups.  In this society we meet  twice a week (of course I never can make these conflicting meetings), to the tune of food and usually a speaker from the accounting industry.  On this island, it’s like the once a week visit from the food provider, and we make none of our own food.  I have met many of the locals and I have built a hut amongst them. As human beings we long for acceptance. The locals may fake that they like you, and want you to succeed, until the food provider makes his/her rounds and it’s again a free for all for food. I really love economics, because it reminds me of physics and sociology drawn from a business mans fountain pen. Economics deals with scarcity, and the fact that humans have to eat. I get hungry every 3 hours and Economics will explain how I keep myself nourished.  I draw from William Golding’s Classic book as I explain how we students interact in our newfound surroundings.  When you set up children onto an island, they create economics in order to survive, its natural, and its human nature. A systematic behavioral system based around scarcity and natural roles are created. The hunters are responsible for the food, which would be the production of the product. Ralph and Piggy distributed the product to the children, who then consumed. In economic terms my relationship with the accounting society can be explained through the SCARCITY of jobs in this struggling economy. Naturally we are out for our own, and either I accept it, or I end up kissing ass for a lot less money. Is a kiss -ass world, and my spaceship ship landed sooner than the aeuronaughts predicted.  

Networking is a skill that I need to learn, I should. I have a stack of business cards and a pad folio, I should learn how to distribute.  I should, and it may be essential to my success, but what if it wasn’t in congruence with my values, my personality. What if this new style of networking doesn’t commiserate my destiny? I have been questioning that for about 2 weeks now. There are courses, and seminars teaching me how to achieve through networking. I am encouraged to attend to the tune of “How will you stand out this recruiting season? The elevator speech”

The elevator speech is a speech where you have to get somebody to like you on the basis of nothing.  The end result is a job for you, if they haven’t given it away to somebody undeserving, but established repouir Its about standing out, being the mechanical pencil, the red scantron, or the livescribe echo.  I must prepare myself to do this the right way, or there is my way. I was invited to go to Disneyland with the locals from the island on a Friday. I respectfully declined because of work. Although I like going out and meeting new people. I was encouraged to hang out with people who already got jobs in the industry. Somebody invited me to go to Disneyland and hang out with people on the basis of he or she had a job, and I need their job. Its absolutely nuts that I would want to hang out with somebody to get an advantage in the job market. I would want to hang out with these established individuals to hang out, and find out their situation later, ideally learn from them, and hopefully give them something to draw from.  It’s called love, and its undefined. I have no tattoos as yet, because I feel the love, im undefined.  If you didn’t understand the last paragraph, here it is again.

People are hanging out with people who work at deloitte at Disneyland because they work at deloitte, and not trying to have a good time. That fucking frustrates me.  That’s like removing the soul of a human being. What’s left?

I’m not saying the job market is filled with non-qualified ass kissers, but maybe the hardworking individuals who deserve slice of the warm apple pie are getting crusted because maybe they couldn’t develop these skills.  Maybe they had a kid and are juggling work and school in their 6^th year of college.  Maybe while I hit downtown Fullerton, they are the guys picking up my plate, and serving me my drink. Sometimes when I finish work, I venture off to go somewhere to eat, and get served just like I serve. I know that my job puts me in a horrible mood once I clock off, but I can confirm it could be a lot worse. My social life takes a hit, but what about the guy that’s serving me, it’s like midnight and he’s still working. What about his social life? What’s his motivation?

Last weekend I almost clocked 40 hours though 3 shifts. I would say I hit 36 hours. By the time hit the victory lap on Sunday, I was ready to quit. Convinced that I couldn’t hold up in this political battlefield, or should I say farm. The Tangy Tomato has boiled my blood, but I draw from appreciation to keep me sane as my ego takes a hit every weekend.  My tongue is chiseled with bite marks. I remember to never bite the hand that feeds me. Im already producing more than my peers, I don’t necessarily need the support of anybody. I look at a calendar placed into the future. The year 2011, the date is January 24^th, and the calendar box reads a day as important as the day Im trapped in now.  I did deem the possibility of resignation, and full focus on my studies (which are as liquid as money in the bank). It even involved state money I can have through a grant. $7,000 to be accurate.  It ate at me, every time I was ordered to do something. Every suggestion that ended up blowing in my face. It was a thought that would re-allocate the blood sweat and tears. Into a less diversified effort and enormous focus on studying. I kept thinking about it. I sat and thought about it. Slept on it and dreamt about it. I looked myself in the mirror Monday morning, brushed my shoulders off and accepted the challenge of another week.  My plan is to stick with my job and get smart.  As an islander, I see the characteristics between the natives and myself.  I hate to be sounding cocky, but I feel like I can do it. I can do it, because I got myself to where I am right now. 

When it feel like living's harder than dyin/ For me giving up's way harder than tryin

-Kanye West.

A picture drives me in my head. A Mosaic. Moments in time of the many times I felt a stimulus of negative energy attempting to sway me. Included are the reactions, and ways I channeled it weather wrong or right. Individual frames of my life to paint a mosaic of a White man and myself with a White Collar shaking hands after a set of interviews. And his belief in me. His great investment into the mind of Neil Raj Syal. It’s a picture I see vividly. In that interview I gave my boss me. The real me. I didn’t kiss any ass, but then again, it was all a dream.

A second picture comes to surface in my brain. It’s not a mosaic, but its in vivid colors, to remind me its still intangible. But within it, I see myself on a Friday evening around 7:15pm with my work shirt, tie loose and a new watch. This new watch sits on my left hand and attracts the assiduous bartender. In a crowded bar I look to my left and right calculating, and before I give him my request of 20 shots of patron (or anything else that’s top shelf). Im buying everybody at the bar a shot in celebration of my first weekend and how im just resting my head the next day (Saturday). I just realized I was not at any old bar. I was at T.G.I. Fridays and I just made 19 new friends. The time is 7:20 and the night hasn’t even started.

As I conclude, I don’t want your job if it is going to be easy. I feed off challenges. That’s how I am defined. Don’t look at me like you did the people in front of me or behind me because we probably tick to a different rhythm.  I don’t want this job if it wont facilitate my growth. I gotta make my momma proud.

I know this is a lengthy cover letter, and I may not have followed the grammatical rules. Sir, I just wanted to say, I want to show you that I can write, and sometimes it ignites passion within me. Instead of trying to kiss your ass, I want to let you know that im destined for success. I can swim off this island, I need the exercise. I can’t draw or sing, but this healthy expression of my life is turning me into an artist. It helps me exercise my emotion, and strengthen my beliefs. My life is beautiful and I cherish every opportunity to learn. I understand that you can control me working in your office on this lovely island but you don’t have free will over my life. You can’t change me, but an opportunity given, I will help change your work environment My Professional Resume will follow,  thank you for your time and I want to remind you that my Destiny is out of your hands.

Sincerely

Neil Syal

My Definition

I hit up my girl Marium for some research


Definition of EARNEST


1: a serious and intent mental state

2: a considerable or impressive degree or amount
 
Definition of Ernst & Young
 
1. a company that loves ass kissers.
2. a considerable or impressive degree will only be considered.
 
 
Im a college student. just like you. i just cant stand people are fake. ESPECIALLY in a situation like this one.  a competitive job environment.
 
My first meeting with the accounting society was today. we had free pizza and sort of an orientation enviornment with a big accounting firm called ernst and young. this is my first ever encounter with an accounting firm of any size and i was trying to feel it out and see how i felt about it. i am now left in a state of anger. im going to write a blog encapsuling my feelings as i begin revisions on my resume. it is a blog i cant wait to write, but i know my emotions will run me over during it, and all bets are off when that happens.  So a few people speak, about the job culture, and what they expect. these desi's seem like they love the company and are having a great time. after the orientation it was question and answer or "FACE TIME" where you can talk to them straight up on issues and anything work related. this is where you get your networking in. so while i was being neil syal in my tshirt. a girl with a nametag comes and interupts a good conversation with an ass kissing cadence, professional dress, ass kissing smile, nice heals, but an ass kissers mentality. Probably a higher G.P.A. then i have, but yet again, she did a good job to let the recruiter know i was inferior. It turned me off completely. because there is a whole nother issue that needs to be addressed. WHO DESERVES THE JOB. is it the most competitent? Is it the most emotionally intelligent? is it the total package? do they descriminate with race?  you take alot into consideration, and then you realize how affirmitive action came about. Year after year my regard to the college degree has gotten less. You dont get it and just enter into the real world, its your decision as to when the real world starts. I see some kids with no work expirience try to get a salary and just think to myself.....
 
TO BE CONTINUED. FUCK ASS KISSERS.
 
 
 

no mayo

2 dollars

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

The Competition

it's been well over 45 days since I last laced you guys up. I sit in the midst of squeeking Nike's. I breath the stench of sweat. I smell my soysause smelling self. I taste the tasteless chewing gum. I look at the clock and wish it wasn't there to limit my time and passion. fantasyland I sit in front of the game that ill always be with. while its been so long since I hit an open layup I sense emotional toll once I get on. I attribute. my absence from this game similar to missing high school and showing up randomly without any documentation. I hope I can keep up. I hope this goes well, I hope I dominate cuz this is my house

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

locker 473

within lies the contents that will contribute to explosive growth

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

Today.

la la la la

tommorow I hit school in another semester. this time it probably wont be defined by madness. I denied the option to become the Indian club president. I denied a little bro, in which I would guide to greatness. I denied an apartment with a chance to bond with another roommate who probably would be punctual off the court as well as on it. I like to numerate and monetize things in my imagination. it's business. sense

ok think like this. personification with numbers and dollar signs.

I have one more year and I'm worth much more to the marketplace. (w)right now its whatever I write on my timecard and a diluted amount of tips. do i sound like I'm complaining? he'll the fuck no. i love this job, and a year ago it seemed spot more exciting, demanding. now its a week in week out habitual motion run. not a challenge. i need a challenge cuz I've grown out of my Pope shirt work pants and I've eroded the bottom of my kicks. the time spent here. i gain almost no enlightenment. only good times chatting about women and tits.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

tommorow

our work never stops

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5

embassy hotel

this is an old school heater. super oldschool

Summer.

I thought i told you that we dont stop.


eh-eh.

Lets get it Fall 2010.

ill be back

san fran samplin

my home

san jose

our alcohol

on red

cleaning

reminecing on what we can't remember

My Girl. Accounting.

After my moment of truth, i hoped it would come to this. I made a promise to myself,  that i would get A's in my classes. As nature and my past correleate, i usually forget about these self fulfilling prophecies, but, maybe the short duration of 5 weeks was what kept the spirit in my head. Maybe this relationship i had erected with Intermediate Accounting is foreal. A little help from my professor through his generous curve and letting us bring one page of notes to the final has been factored in. Into this blog where i will announce that 14 hours prior to my final, I am a candidate to recieve an A in this class. I just have to work harder than my peers.

I got another Class Management 340, im not sweating it at all.
I feel the good fortune, but sometimes i feel like its just God keeping me at equilibrium.
I get reminded of this

http://qik.com/video/7204776

I really need to get back to studying. while the good luck is with me.

Cuz im going back to Vegas.