Height Advantage

 You aint gotta get drunk to have fun. We all know that and I sure dont need to pound that into my head. This one is about self control and blissful ignorance. The Height advantage lies in my "ability" to stay grounded. I am very knowledgable about that Cali Kush. I reference the narcotic drug trade when seeing my friends ReUp, for pleasure or profit that escapes balance sheets and eludes California Tax. I sit 4th on the Lshaped couch that fix 7 people with 2 other participants leaving 1 who wishes he could partake. I am the ONLY ONE who doesn't smoke. I cant perceive any advantages in those numbers but ill roll the dice keeping hesitation in my heart.  We watch our favorite show on the DVR, Entourage and I observe both a nicely rolled blunt and bong being passed different directions as if 2 waves crashed into each other.  I dont shoot but over the years I passed blunts like Allen Iverson, but now I see clearly and I Chauncy Billups it to my left. Ive catapulted past peer pressure and come up with every excuse to still look cool. I lied about when I "quit" and understand that if i got into it again, I would probably enjoy it. While I dont give a shit about the laws of the land, and how our parents used to do it, something about it just diddnt vibe with me.

My life is a movie, but this Hollywood demeanor I put up is far from an Act. You love movies cuz it keeps you on edge but you knew he was going to make it. I'm not ready (at all) to say i made shit, but i know I barely had the credentials to sit in front of the people interviewing me for the internship. After all those crazy nights I had, they still chose me to sit in front of them and chat. I drank my fair share, but passing the blunt would probably be what gave me the Height Advantage to just barely make it into that chair. It gets alot more important for me, which I intend to cover in my own terms. My Director, My Producer all told me not to get high again and didn't tell me why. He also told me to handle spirits in moderation and said the sex scenes are just fillers. The next movie could take place in the High Heavens and thats if i agree.

I observed some of my friends giving up this habit for a short period of time in order to be more attentive and focused and motivated and upon hearing this I learned alot about why im not into it. The more I smoke it the less attentive and focused and motivated you can become, which pretty much defines life for me. I kicked and screamed to get here. I yearned for this townhouse, I currently Glipse at Independence. I barely did it, and as the camera rolls I intend to take everyday by my directors thumbs up and thumbs down. I'm far from perfect and to be honest as a believer I am guilty until proven innocent. I lost my innocence 3 weeks ago and I just might be one of those people that gets saved by a DNA breakthrough. I enjoy sinning and hey that rhymes with #winning. I have a certain lust for life and im working on it, whatever the f@ck that means.  My actions may seem elusive but to me they are so obvious. If quitting temporarily it makes you better temporarily, where are your plans at? Moderation, Grain of salt, fuck it.

I feel like a Law Student in a courtroom. The first rule in Law School is raise your hand if you know the answer and dont let those questions pass you because eventually your going to get called. I created an allegory from this in the form of sacrifices. I'll try to sacrifice getting High in order to gain a Height advantage. I dont know many of the other questions being administered, but ill sacrifice worldly pleasures that and concentrate on the pros. I shouldn't have pre-marital sex, but i respond, sounding angelic, that its not pre-marital sex if you dont have any intentions of getting married.  I'll give up eating red meat, and tell you its for health reasons. Its not written in the bible, but its just a simple sacrifice telling God that I am willing to expense a common worldly pleasure because this New Years Party is going to be one for the recordbooks and hopefully not the hospital.  I started the Victory Lap today, I study numbers which consist of 9 digits and a 0, but im starting to fall madly in love with constructing sentances out of 25 letters and a z. I feel like I thrive in certain situations involving Human interaction wheather or not you like to fornicate. Truth Be Tole, I want to be there for my clients like a good great excellent exceptional Attorney, it's not in me to Judge.  I'm not saying ill never do it,  but as we speak of Highs and Height I've grown comfortably admist ignorance, and honestly at this point, i can roll you a pretty formidable "j".


I dont get High, Life keep me at a decent Height.

-Lupe Fiasco

Mama I aint done yet.

Unemployed winner?

I'm writing thank you letters to everybody I interacted with this summer at Parker. Everybody that I believe will remember my name whether they felt my contribution or was somebody i said hi to when taking bathroom breaks. I learned enough about accounting and too much about being middle aged. I learned that people dont change too much after 21 and it would be hard to not talk about the wrong things in the cube.


Ill definetly miss the cube.




I love that I can look back at past posts about what i thought about this. Last year I was watching this from the couch. A small step for my Mankind, I cant explain how blessed it was to be able to wave my badge to clock in. I was one of maybe 2 people that even clocked in.  Waking up at 630 am was no big deal, starting the day at 5p.m. was life as i now know it. I start school on monday, i do everything i was going to do this summer tommorow. I dont remember the last time i walked into the classroom without a job because it was just too long ago. I look to the future hopeful and willing to stay with the company had they let me extend my capacity of the intern. I enter into the 5th year of my higher education with both eyes looking ready to look at the books. Landing a Part time job is a long shot but its in my heart. My mind says take out a loan and lie to women about having a job. I dont know, im kinda confused on what to do. I just know that I intend to exhaust my every energy, as God intended that I do. I explore other avenues such as learning spanish, or salsa dancing, but i just feel in love with hand shaking and small talk. I promise Im good at talking about the weather and I can get deeper into current events. I love hearing about your family and your justified excuses about how you missed zumba last night. I miss my job already and Im starting to feel empty. Im temporarily back to the drawing board, and im fueled by the same desire of independence from my father. Let me remind me that its not where i go, but how i get there. Moreover I could accomplish my goals and feel empty because I accepted whats next to a bribe. I hope it doesnt happen, but thats the futuristic battle i dream about that will end my world. I sound so John Conner but I believe myself and God will get to the truth.  It was the greatest summer ever, i want to thank my degree and a decision I made just over a year ago.

Thanks Mom, I got this.

It's Complicated.

This blog is about you and your lover. You and the right one. You and your past love life. You and your perfect love life. This is about you accepting marriage. This is about you trying to propose. This is about you and how you should have proposed long ago. This is about upgrading a friendship. this is about downgrading a frienship. this is about sexual harrassment. this is about getting over that guy that you sweared who never played you. this is about your relationship with God and how he wants you to interpret his love. This is about Beauty and its misconstruction in America. I swear this is about pressure and free will. This blog is about what you want in the opposite sex, and its propensity to fall when somebody sweeps you off your feet. This post will argue logic as opposed to emotion. This post is about Las Vegas and Beer Goggles. This post is about moving On. this post is about being pateient. This blog is about chasing your dreams.

Me Myself And Molly.

I really believe that I can have everything I want, patience, in good time, the right time, planned out, or right now with no resources to sustain its beauty.  Getting to that happy place is the answer if you answered your question with another question....why? about 4 or 5 times in succession. I was in the zone a couple weeks ago at Hard Summer, a concert. a concert.  I was in the midst of different sounds. Skin splitting sensitivity seperated bacteria from skin and slowed down what was going on in the world. The world according to me simply stated was being the man for that night. But so was everybody else, and nobody at the bar would get into a fight. Fighting was not in anybody's (thatrolledobviosly) conciousness.

I guess everybody wants to feel like your in a Jacuzzi but really the appeal lasts when your on the inside lookin out.  Looking into it it requires adequate levels of chlorine and a ph balance to ensure the acid doesn’t eat you alive.  500 gallons of water couldn’t be heated on a stove so you object to waiting. It feels good to be inside but there are certain responsibilities to enjoy that warm fuzzyness. Take exstacy and you forget those responsibilities.  My Self induction into this wonderland  can be likened to being inside of a Jacuzzi.  Your Clothes stay on your whim, and you are not bounded by the limitations of  water. You are surrounded  by flounders and you swim through the liquid air . The beat bangs  with a certain huss and you follow its orders. You move and shake. Instead of demands you see requests. Instead of fights you see people with a lot of manners. If it wasn’t easy enough to make friends with people looking in your direction, I saw friendships being made looking in the same direction.  A dopamine overload allowed the speed of light dictate its own path. 

A light show consisted of 10 fingers in your face all with different colored lights at the end, you follow with your pupils and obey their sudden movements.  Myself and Molly extended our hands in an easy agreement. I am intrigued by this and as I submit my innocence along with my belt keys, cell phone, and my wallet, I will make sure it never comes back because I can now relate to so much more of the world.  It didn’t last forever because I came back from this lust to a life I already prescribed as lustful. It didn’t last forever, we still gotta do things for ourselves. Maybe for a split second it lasted forever, but there is something in that pill that makes you not want to look at your wristwatch.

As far as the city goes, the tickets cost about 70 dollars and there are enough people to fill an arena. The DJ’s are up and coming and earn a lot of money from a genre of music bolstered by the underground  unspoken economy of narcotics. The drug alliance will never see this legalized, but the city of los angeles will never get suspicious about how many ravers have the Nokia 8830 cell phone turned off. That’s a handshake because it profits from these events but  pretends to be indifferent of the situation. It stimulates the economy……for the better.

I wore my Penguins and they are completely fucked.  I used to be against these type of things but I do whats possible to see the world with an open mind and heart.  I will ask for Gods forgiveness  but I try to make up for it in other ways. Will I jump in the Jacuzzi again? Probably but its definitely at the cost of moving toward the Devil.  Hell Hath no Fury and If this Love story took me in the right places it would be upward. I know some of the best times ive had were in front of this keyboard, walking out of a classroom, or head bent, hands to knees sweat dripping exhasperation. I aspire for things and the most important word in the sentence is Aspire.  I aspire to aspire. My challenge is to get back to that euphoria without sacrificing anything or stepping on your feet.  I think one can be that happy, but it definetly requires a family, or other people to make you happy. I don’t think you can feel that on your own, and its good teamwork to alternate who puts chorine into the hottub.

I mean cocaine has been around for centuries so it barely got prevalent in my life. 22 years old and im trying to never be a senior citizen, I observe deterioration in the homeless stressed with humiliation. With nobody to cry on, these quick fix genius’ are sold the last array in exchange for tangible, measurable sacrifices. Time frame is a big part of this topic as we discuss time limits of these substances. Im trying to find that Love I know is there when I sleep and wake up and keep. I got to know molly and she told me she diddn’t stay too far away. I could jump in that Jacuzzi when I wanted but the only way to keep me at a safe distance is if you drained out the water. When you take the drug you could be a star. A Rockstar in your own mind.  The only mind that matters right? I guess all good things come to an End, and I have a problem with that.