I really am not a good loser. Not a sore loser though, i managed to find the good points in a young group of college students and some recent post grads who i decided to start a basketball team with. My hunger is impecible, and the subject matter is really something i could waste my entire life trying to perfect. While the great opportunities given to me to shine are long gone i look forward and try to paint a landscape I call redemption. Redemption to nobody but those closest to me. In-fact its just a rededication to myself.
I try to apply this principle like seeds proliferating in my garden. School. Work and now even the opposite sex I want to be challenged. We lost the game today, and yeah we should have won. You cant look at your life through the rearview mirror knowing you have one hand on the steering wheel and probably multitasking on the Evo4 4g. thats not a good view. Im going to make some changes, i just need to be pushed a little bit more. Im on edge, but I haven't reached that motivational threshold. That Algorithm, but i can see it coming pretty soon. I told myself that i would run 10 miles this week in order to get my conditioning back gradually.
A lesson in teamwork, some of my teammates didn't show up granting heavy playing time to our team. Showing up is like 90% of life isn't it? I love my team, but i dont know if they understand my vision. I dont expect them too. I mean even the people that i love the most dont know that I post my feelings on the internet. One day i might, and my roommate will finally understand what I been typing out so late at night all along.
Basketball is love. I love it and we have been through it. Im pretty close to telling it something big. Like i said i just need a little bit more motivation. A little more of a slap in the face to redirect my attention from the rest of my life to this subject. I see it coming along though. This week, besides the school stuff, which comes second to work, i decided to run 10 miles. A modest number as I will gradually increase it.
Push Past Pain.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
No Days Off.
I got a certain lust...for life. And as it stands...
it seems that my every lastwish has been granted. When i wake up tomorrow I will take a hot shower, using extra shampoo, and I will scrub really hard. I just bought a Mach 4 fusion pro glide power, what looked to be the most advanced shave my face will ever feel. I oiled my edger, knowing that i need some solid cuts around my ears. I will brush and floss, until my gums bleed, thinking its the most adequate benchmark for a healthy mouth. I didn't shine my shoes, but the suit is interview fresh. Tomorrow is not an interview day, but i was told to treat every day like one. Im going to walk into a large office building, and nod my head to those much older and wiser to me. I feel amazing, because tomorrow is my induction into the "sit down job". Seen as an upgrade, I dont think it will move forward any work ethic developed since 2004 when i was kicked off the basketball team for that exact reason. I would have done anything to see this happen in October, and i couldn't even dream it would be this good. Its the start of much needed experience under a certified public accountant.
Everything is going as right, as it can....
On my quest for independence, Im about a cell phone, and insurance payment away. Im getting there. I pay for school, but its cool with a new job, A nice car, a few girls, living in a new spot in the hottest part of town, with sundays devoted to Chaiwalla Basketball. The Lakers play the Celtics as I get off from my accounting job, it will be half time. I would usually change my clothes before i hit the bar, but im feeling really good about the shirt and tie. I know im getting way ahead of myself, and on Friday at 5pm im granted another All American weekend, but i need to stop myself before I even start. This blog is to get whatever invincibility im feeling out of my system. I feel incredible right now, about life, about everything. About my family, too many friends and the free time ive gained this year which i attribute to prison, I spent getting to know some wonderful and not so wonderful females. I will get more into detail on that as Valentines day hits, but damn in this economy diddnt allow many of my friends 2 opportunities that im about to seize.
They tryna shoot down my flight...before it land.
It must land. I cant show excitement, at this proverbial high point. Im actually scared of this excitement, I trained myself for this and i really should not celebrate this weekend. I feel like my future is set, but i cant let myself think that. I'm not going in for an interview, but i sure as hell need to pretend it is. I know my stregths and I need it right now. This feeling of being unstoppable has to cease before I sleep and has to stay at home. I might turn into somebody that I said i would never become. I love myself, and I promise that's why i love you so much. Dont Get comfortable Neil. Thats what happened in 2004, thats what happened last summer.
But you can miss me with all that..diss me than crawl back..
I been doing food service since i can even remember, to just yesterday when I wrapped the last sandwich at Togo's. I will always keep these memories, and remember that its probably what made me. Not having a job for a month was hell for me. I would hate talking to girls, I couldn't even look myself in the mirror. I would rather make sandwiches than do nothing, and thats what i did. Thank God my old Manager loved me. Other than that i applied pretty much everywhere, knowing i would have my original internship in the summer. I really hope I never look down on another man. It happens so often I couldnt put it past myself. I just have a certain appreciation for those who have to struggle. Its like i want to hold them. Its incredible, how just being genuinely friendly to a waiter, what it could do for you. I get hooked up with free fries at Carls Jr, and Arianna at sonic burger even gave me her number. John at the Flamebroiler remembers my Name and always hooks me up with a drink, I pray for his success. Vero at Starbucks has hooked me up with at least 20 dollars worth of free coffee, and a wink. She is cute and I told her she was my Favorite Barista ever. I wonder what is going to happen when I see her again. I mean she remembers my name amongst a Sea of Starbucks Regulars. She is wearing the nametag. Thats customer service right there, I love it. I had a rule that i would always mention their name if they wear a nametag, and if they dont i would ask for their name. I really love to humanize somebody who looks like they need it, and the compensation is unlimited. I guess you cant put a number on somebody, I believe everybody has a soul, everybody has a fire about them in form of passion. Its not hard to see, but I guess its so easy to forget.
I really wish y'all would fall back, but getting rich sposed to solve that.
They want me to call this the real world, cuz i wear a tie. But i believe the real world started a long time ago. I refuse to take it easy. I refuse to be in a circle bitching about an economy. I wont ever make an excuse. Ever. I'm Reppin NoDaysOff and im going to find ways to push myself past what i was doing in years past. im 21 years old, and that was an adult in the 1970s. I dont know what people call it today, but let me tell you why the 1970s are important, because the ones handing out the paychecks are from the 1970's and beyond. I wanted to take over Cal State Fullerton a few years ago, I wanted to be captain of this, president of that, and yeah that was my name on the Bhangra Team Sign ups. I figured out that there is more than the College Expirience. I have experienced it, and almost every concievable angle of it. Im happy i made it to where i am, and that BMW stuck in the dessert couldnt have been any later than it was. I found an algorithm within myself that i need to reach again. I need to connect with my boss, and learn everything I can. I'm being so genuine, cuz i refuse to kiss an ass. I told you i would never do it, and i bagged 2 internships going into fall.
My dream was to be the VP of Finance of CSUF, but its funny that it may not even be good enough with what is going on. I swear things are going so good right now, but am I prepared for the worst? I have a stack of books i need to read, but im beggining to push them away like im too busy. I got options now, so i must use my brain. I have been granted weekends, which i have to proliferate with activities, or schedual solid studying time, as i could be working upwards of 30 hours on mon-fri.
And these days women make offers, and who the hell am I to say noo, noo, noo..
I'm going shopping for new ties and shirts, and girl wants to come with me. I told her we would go to the mall together this weekend and she was going to concurrntly buy a dress. i guess that's kinda cute, but its def. cutting too close to valentines day tho. Things are insane. More about that later.Sundays are basketball days, and i need to take it seriously as the Chaiwalla Team Captain. I swear I love my life. I dont need a vacation. If you love your life, do you need a vacation? seriously. I dont mind tho, i need to see this world. I had a few days off this year, and they havent done much for me. When im told to have a great weekend, i will nodd my head with the civilian and wish them the same, but you know what im reppin. and i feel like i need to be held to these things. Im going to set some hard goals by way of fitness and school. I need to cut hair, i need to rap. I gotta help my little brothers and Even the Poor. There is so much i was given in which i dont deserve. I dont deserve the treatment, but i take it.
I will go hard forever though. Believe that i have some revenge to serve a short list of people. Believe i have to shake off stereotypes that Im a Chef. I want to study law, and find a way to make alot of people smile in a short period of time. Im really happy, but i could be really vulnerable. I start a new chapter in my life very soon, and im ready to move. Stop calling me a college student, i just swag it out like one. Yeah that's a backpack, but remember it was my decision to even be here. This the real world (i Guess), school finished. Im trying to be independent, im getting close to it. I dont ever want to be considered a chump again, no not by basketball coaches, older women or even worse in front of a mirror. Im about as hungry as a plastic hippopotamus. Good Night. Thank you Jesus.
#Nodaysoff ever.
it seems that my every last
Everything is going as right, as it can....
On my quest for independence, Im about a cell phone, and insurance payment away. Im getting there. I pay for school, but its cool with a new job, A nice car, a few girls, living in a new spot in the hottest part of town, with sundays devoted to Chaiwalla Basketball. The Lakers play the Celtics as I get off from my accounting job, it will be half time. I would usually change my clothes before i hit the bar, but im feeling really good about the shirt and tie. I know im getting way ahead of myself, and on Friday at 5pm im granted another All American weekend, but i need to stop myself before I even start. This blog is to get whatever invincibility im feeling out of my system. I feel incredible right now, about life, about everything. About my family, too many friends and the free time ive gained this year which i attribute to prison, I spent getting to know some wonderful and not so wonderful females. I will get more into detail on that as Valentines day hits, but damn in this economy diddnt allow many of my friends 2 opportunities that im about to seize.
They tryna shoot down my flight...before it land.
It must land. I cant show excitement, at this proverbial high point. Im actually scared of this excitement, I trained myself for this and i really should not celebrate this weekend. I feel like my future is set, but i cant let myself think that. I'm not going in for an interview, but i sure as hell need to pretend it is. I know my stregths and I need it right now. This feeling of being unstoppable has to cease before I sleep and has to stay at home. I might turn into somebody that I said i would never become. I love myself, and I promise that's why i love you so much. Dont Get comfortable Neil. Thats what happened in 2004, thats what happened last summer.
But you can miss me with all that..diss me than crawl back..
I been doing food service since i can even remember, to just yesterday when I wrapped the last sandwich at Togo's. I will always keep these memories, and remember that its probably what made me. Not having a job for a month was hell for me. I would hate talking to girls, I couldn't even look myself in the mirror. I would rather make sandwiches than do nothing, and thats what i did. Thank God my old Manager loved me. Other than that i applied pretty much everywhere, knowing i would have my original internship in the summer. I really hope I never look down on another man. It happens so often I couldnt put it past myself. I just have a certain appreciation for those who have to struggle. Its like i want to hold them. Its incredible, how just being genuinely friendly to a waiter, what it could do for you. I get hooked up with free fries at Carls Jr, and Arianna at sonic burger even gave me her number. John at the Flamebroiler remembers my Name and always hooks me up with a drink, I pray for his success. Vero at Starbucks has hooked me up with at least 20 dollars worth of free coffee, and a wink. She is cute and I told her she was my Favorite Barista ever. I wonder what is going to happen when I see her again. I mean she remembers my name amongst a Sea of Starbucks Regulars. She is wearing the nametag. Thats customer service right there, I love it. I had a rule that i would always mention their name if they wear a nametag, and if they dont i would ask for their name. I really love to humanize somebody who looks like they need it, and the compensation is unlimited. I guess you cant put a number on somebody, I believe everybody has a soul, everybody has a fire about them in form of passion. Its not hard to see, but I guess its so easy to forget.
I really wish y'all would fall back, but getting rich sposed to solve that.
They want me to call this the real world, cuz i wear a tie. But i believe the real world started a long time ago. I refuse to take it easy. I refuse to be in a circle bitching about an economy. I wont ever make an excuse. Ever. I'm Reppin NoDaysOff and im going to find ways to push myself past what i was doing in years past. im 21 years old, and that was an adult in the 1970s. I dont know what people call it today, but let me tell you why the 1970s are important, because the ones handing out the paychecks are from the 1970's and beyond. I wanted to take over Cal State Fullerton a few years ago, I wanted to be captain of this, president of that, and yeah that was my name on the Bhangra Team Sign ups. I figured out that there is more than the College Expirience. I have experienced it, and almost every concievable angle of it. Im happy i made it to where i am, and that BMW stuck in the dessert couldnt have been any later than it was. I found an algorithm within myself that i need to reach again. I need to connect with my boss, and learn everything I can. I'm being so genuine, cuz i refuse to kiss an ass. I told you i would never do it, and i bagged 2 internships going into fall.
My dream was to be the VP of Finance of CSUF, but its funny that it may not even be good enough with what is going on. I swear things are going so good right now, but am I prepared for the worst? I have a stack of books i need to read, but im beggining to push them away like im too busy. I got options now, so i must use my brain. I have been granted weekends, which i have to proliferate with activities, or schedual solid studying time, as i could be working upwards of 30 hours on mon-fri.
And these days women make offers, and who the hell am I to say noo, noo, noo..
I'm going shopping for new ties and shirts, and girl wants to come with me. I told her we would go to the mall together this weekend and she was going to concurrntly buy a dress. i guess that's kinda cute, but its def. cutting too close to valentines day tho. Things are insane. More about that later.Sundays are basketball days, and i need to take it seriously as the Chaiwalla Team Captain. I swear I love my life. I dont need a vacation. If you love your life, do you need a vacation? seriously. I dont mind tho, i need to see this world. I had a few days off this year, and they havent done much for me. When im told to have a great weekend, i will nodd my head with the civilian and wish them the same, but you know what im reppin. and i feel like i need to be held to these things. Im going to set some hard goals by way of fitness and school. I need to cut hair, i need to rap. I gotta help my little brothers and Even the Poor. There is so much i was given in which i dont deserve. I dont deserve the treatment, but i take it.
I will go hard forever though. Believe that i have some revenge to serve a short list of people. Believe i have to shake off stereotypes that Im a Chef. I want to study law, and find a way to make alot of people smile in a short period of time. Im really happy, but i could be really vulnerable. I start a new chapter in my life very soon, and im ready to move. Stop calling me a college student, i just swag it out like one. Yeah that's a backpack, but remember it was my decision to even be here. This the real world (i Guess), school finished. Im trying to be independent, im getting close to it. I dont ever want to be considered a chump again, no not by basketball coaches, older women or even worse in front of a mirror. Im about as hungry as a plastic hippopotamus. Good Night. Thank you Jesus.
#Nodaysoff ever.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I love you, Man.
"If you see a cool looking guy strike up a conversation and ask him on a ManDate."
I cant believe after all this you told the world that you look up to me. Its not fitting, but I'm humbled to say Thanks my dude, and now I just want to keep improving, because according to you in the last 19 months, I was doing something right.
I Know that’s not going down but in August of 2009 I was living my life, not documented to this degree and rightfully so. I thought the path to man hood was through fraternal virtue. I was impartial to the Economy, and partial to the Chicken 65. I had signed a lease on Apt 4 to the tune of independence and the location was the Bees Knees I had an idea of how I was going to get through college, and at the time I would have sounded really convincing. I was just lying to myself and was enveloped by the present moment. Its not that I was sitting and standing, but direction is what I would have asked for. I would drive back home really late from work with the hopes the opportunity to serve for my father. While all this was going on 3 "RI" moved 2 doors down into apt 6.
Back then, rash I was the kid that exploited ""I don’t need my MOM, I don’t need my DAD, I don’t need this, I don't need a girl". I would also like to add, "I tie my own Du-Rag, sit back and relax". From what I remember I needed direction. I have the component and the energy; I just don’t know where to feed it. And I wouldn’t budge. I wouldn’t budge unless I was moved. What could have possibly moved me? Ambitious girl? Well she doesn’t exist yet. My professors. No, because at the time I definitely took school for Granted. What did I need to set me on path to Destiny? Something Beautiful to move me. Beautiful persuasion. In my fast paced life, it seems I didn’t consider sensory beauty that God proliferated around me. I needed no motivation. I thrive from inspiration, but there was room for something. Something as beautiful as poetry.
I Needed a Poet.
Literally moments after I appeared in his presence I noticed an aura about him. Energy about him. For me to describe it I would say it was an orange aura. If I speak about auras I tend to think about your negative and positive energy. A Poet, rightfully named, seemed to know nothing of worldly drama and conflict. He didn’t express his problems with his new home in the United States. No expression of hate hath seeps through his rich South Indian Skin. His Full head of curls showed no fear. I sensed no apprehension. His ambition was nothing like those I aspire to be. This was not somebody I wanted to be like, but truly admired. He was definitely somebody you needed on your team what he came to this country for was simple, but our interaction changed things dramatically.
Sometimes I get caught up in this American Dream. You hate your PT Cruiser so now you drive a Beemer. Then your leather seats don’t make up for the fact you don’t have a navi. You trade that Beemer for a Benz. You then are fixated on the Bently and I don’t understand it. I guess when you have it all it still is not good enough and you die of an overdose of Cocaine. I guess those substances can take you beyond a beauty of this life given to us. Relatively speaking, I don’t know this concept of a “beautiful life”. I think I have the potential to know it. Its not something that can be spoken to me, it has to be recited. I can’t read it off a page, or learn it through repetition. It just had to come to me at the right time in the right place in life, 2 doors down. It was his poetry. The poet never spoke but he performed.
I needed a Poet. I didn’t need his advice. He went to school in the rigors of the Indian Classroom. He was a Civil Engineer; so many argue that he will destroy what we have left on Earth. I study Accounting, or they say Greed. I’m starting to agree with the greed remarks because I see where my life is headed. I needed a Poet to help restructure me. He only utters the utmost. The second day of knowing the three they offer to assemble my bed.
I said: It was unnecessary.
They then refused to take no for an answer and got to work. Incredible. All they wanted to do was help and they were never defeated to cook enough food for me to eat. Chapatti and Daal, rice. Wednesday Friday and Sundays were the exclusive non-veg. days. The Poet seldom ate non-veg. Seldom. It provided enough insight into how you treat a guest. Does everybody get treated this way or am I something special. The Poet never let me get up for anything; I was a slave to his hospitality. It was unreal and it was happening in the United States of America. This great country.
Good times then came, as for the day to day. As the Vice President of the India International Club I used student fee’s to help tell our story. In the annual culture show we sprinkled situations blending American Adolescence, Ice, and the Journey of 3 Civil Engineers from Bangalore. I don’t get too excited over culture shows because it just never was a part of my daily life. I wrote , wrote and wrote to attempt to tell the world about our relationship as friends. It was a bittersweet show, as the audience loved it but I couldn’t capture the passion, the exploration and the surprises meeting you entailed. I couldn’t recite the poetry you recited. I couldn’t recite even if you helped me. It was not my business to explain to the group that one person has created a debate between myself and I.
I guess I admired your take on life. The calamity you resonated when you sat legs crossed on the floor. You had a couch in your apartment, but it wasn’t for you. That was a symbol of the adjustment. While my mind is fixates toward the future, I tend to think of present day as past. The poet seizes this great life and tends not to enthrall in the worldly. Though he has more disposable than the average skinny, dark Indian dude, I swear he is satisfied with his hand. He could really shock you at the poker table , as his poker face remains the same. We both deal with numbers in school, yet he tries not to numerate happiness, he just is happy. Just be happy.
It’s an interesting philosophy. Be happy.
When I first set him up with a haircut, he didn’t care what I did to it. I cut him the trendy Fauxhawk and proceeded to style it. The funny thing is he never styled it himself, nor bought a much-needed flat iron. He just went with the flow and I styled it when needed. He was not concerned or really self-conscious. It amazes me how much clearer your mind gets when you act without vindication from others. His zone was his business. Whatever lines I wrote for him to say he spoke like a Poet. When I inquired about him being nervous he said “I will only be in this country for another year, therefore who cares what they think of me” If I had that attitude I think a lot more could get done. Patience was the poets Virtue.
I can never complain, as a student of human interaction I have so many friends from different areas, whom I know very well and whom I shared life’s air. There are some from high school and beyond that I can call companions. There are those who share similar career paths that I can call partners. There are some who love basketball and I can call them teammates. There are the Indians who deserve exclusive nomenclature as its not enough to say that he is an Indian. There are so many people and I wish I could spend more time with them and hear their story. I believe in others very heavily, and I bet many people are capable to believe in their peers via open mind. I believe that we trust each other through the air we breathe. It’s the same. I hate conflict and the poet recites my kind of language. I can’t get too close in interactions as I’m reminded that I have a mission to accomplish.
When I took you to the airport, it was one of the hardest drives. Almost a silent ride with little or no eye contact. Sadness standing its ground against our combined optimism I swear we had a moment as you head to the gate. The drive back was worse but I was reminded of my many friends I have in this country, whom ive yet gotten to know like I know you. Your last song spoke too much as you left back home, inspired to ask more of yourself. I drove home confused on my own approach to life.
Everything you spoke, I took it to heart like your sposed to. It inspired me in a different way. With respect to ranking and labels, I hate the label of best friend, but I liken you to my brother. A lifelong brotherhood who are active in each others well being. I talked to you and really needed you poetry when I was unsure about females. I needed your delivery as I presented information to the class. You took a lot from me and ran with it. Something very interesting I thought about was that you replaced no friends. You displaced no relationships. You came into my life and only improved it, I still carried on with other friends, and I just had a more diversified group of friends. It is plain to see that Everybody loved you. Everybody was attune to your hymn. Your honest inquiry, your innocent intentions. You just came into the room and proceeded to entertain. Nothing to be taken for your personal pleasure but all to be given. Abundance. Incredible.
When you told me that you are coming back to see me graduate from school I was quite surprised. I think school is easy, and honestly I would probably miss the ceremony to get a head start at the bars (open to interpretation) and have them mail my certificate. But now that your coming im going to look for your face in the crowd, and you definitely stand out. I hope you stand close to my mom, she loves you too. I guess we are not so much different, as we have the same mother tongue in Tamil. It makes this whole phenomenon reality. That I am an Indian Boy. I was Born in the United States but I was the child of 2 that grew up in India.
What it boils down to, and why I wanted to show you off to the locals, was genuine love. When I look through your eyes I see straight into your heart. Its almost like love at first sight, or the foundations of it in a fantasized context. It was like when I met Jet, who looked back at me, in his brain illustrating the context of family. Ive never seen anything like it and I’d rather not get my hopes up that it will happen again. You are just 10 digits away from me, we have skype and pretty soon I will be sustaining employment that will put me in the bracket of purchasing plane tickets. You see im not trying to be like the poet, ive set sailed on my own voyage, but there is elements that you have that are so rare. You represent every good part of people and what many people consider the humble Indian. Though you go beyond that.
I have so many friendships, im blessed with so many friends. I’m working on becoming that self sufficient independent man. Im almost there, but I know if I needed a friend with an ear, God has proliferated my phone book. Its an incredible feeling, but your poetry has spoken and invited beyond my cries of help, it has inducted branches onto 2 family trees, It Started the guest list to my wedding day, and yours alike. The poets heart beats for his wife, but its not his decision. I feel like I should have my take on it, and we should talk about your upcoming arrangement. I want to be there to introduce basketball into your child’s life. As I took you into the weight room, you became a child again, akin to growth, willing to learn.
An open mind and open heart was your combination, your roomates were wonderful, but its you that has my first place prize. It took some hesitation, as much as I hate labels, I would call you my Best Friend, but that could have happened in 2009. We progressed and now I see you as an Older brother. Simple as that, I would take a bullet for you to let you carry out your poetry. What you speak shines brighter than my plan, which I constantly waver. So full of life you are, I realize our differences as we recite side by side.
As with many of the blogs I take to heart, I can write till the word processor cant hang. With Friendship being the theme, I will strive to be like you, and given the limited scope of the human beings life, I will never expect to hear the poetry from another friend. I kindly welcome it, but will never expect it. I discovered you by opening my own heart against the society that pushed you back home. I will keep that. Forever. This is just the beginning.
I love you, Man.
I cant believe after all this you told the world that you look up to me. Its not fitting, but I'm humbled to say Thanks my dude, and now I just want to keep improving, because according to you in the last 19 months, I was doing something right.
I Know that’s not going down but in August of 2009 I was living my life, not documented to this degree and rightfully so. I thought the path to man hood was through fraternal virtue. I was impartial to the Economy, and partial to the Chicken 65. I had signed a lease on Apt 4 to the tune of independence and the location was the Bees Knees I had an idea of how I was going to get through college, and at the time I would have sounded really convincing. I was just lying to myself and was enveloped by the present moment. Its not that I was sitting and standing, but direction is what I would have asked for. I would drive back home really late from work with the hopes the opportunity to serve for my father. While all this was going on 3 "RI" moved 2 doors down into apt 6.
Back then, rash I was the kid that exploited ""I don’t need my MOM, I don’t need my DAD, I don’t need this, I don't need a girl". I would also like to add, "I tie my own Du-Rag, sit back and relax". From what I remember I needed direction. I have the component and the energy; I just don’t know where to feed it. And I wouldn’t budge. I wouldn’t budge unless I was moved. What could have possibly moved me? Ambitious girl? Well she doesn’t exist yet. My professors. No, because at the time I definitely took school for Granted. What did I need to set me on path to Destiny? Something Beautiful to move me. Beautiful persuasion. In my fast paced life, it seems I didn’t consider sensory beauty that God proliferated around me. I needed no motivation. I thrive from inspiration, but there was room for something. Something as beautiful as poetry.
I Needed a Poet.
Literally moments after I appeared in his presence I noticed an aura about him. Energy about him. For me to describe it I would say it was an orange aura. If I speak about auras I tend to think about your negative and positive energy. A Poet, rightfully named, seemed to know nothing of worldly drama and conflict. He didn’t express his problems with his new home in the United States. No expression of hate hath seeps through his rich South Indian Skin. His Full head of curls showed no fear. I sensed no apprehension. His ambition was nothing like those I aspire to be. This was not somebody I wanted to be like, but truly admired. He was definitely somebody you needed on your team what he came to this country for was simple, but our interaction changed things dramatically.
Sometimes I get caught up in this American Dream. You hate your PT Cruiser so now you drive a Beemer. Then your leather seats don’t make up for the fact you don’t have a navi. You trade that Beemer for a Benz. You then are fixated on the Bently and I don’t understand it. I guess when you have it all it still is not good enough and you die of an overdose of Cocaine. I guess those substances can take you beyond a beauty of this life given to us. Relatively speaking, I don’t know this concept of a “beautiful life”. I think I have the potential to know it. Its not something that can be spoken to me, it has to be recited. I can’t read it off a page, or learn it through repetition. It just had to come to me at the right time in the right place in life, 2 doors down. It was his poetry. The poet never spoke but he performed.
I needed a Poet. I didn’t need his advice. He went to school in the rigors of the Indian Classroom. He was a Civil Engineer; so many argue that he will destroy what we have left on Earth. I study Accounting, or they say Greed. I’m starting to agree with the greed remarks because I see where my life is headed. I needed a Poet to help restructure me. He only utters the utmost. The second day of knowing the three they offer to assemble my bed.
I said: It was unnecessary.
They then refused to take no for an answer and got to work. Incredible. All they wanted to do was help and they were never defeated to cook enough food for me to eat. Chapatti and Daal, rice. Wednesday Friday and Sundays were the exclusive non-veg. days. The Poet seldom ate non-veg. Seldom. It provided enough insight into how you treat a guest. Does everybody get treated this way or am I something special. The Poet never let me get up for anything; I was a slave to his hospitality. It was unreal and it was happening in the United States of America. This great country.
Good times then came, as for the day to day. As the Vice President of the India International Club I used student fee’s to help tell our story. In the annual culture show we sprinkled situations blending American Adolescence, Ice, and the Journey of 3 Civil Engineers from Bangalore. I don’t get too excited over culture shows because it just never was a part of my daily life. I wrote , wrote and wrote to attempt to tell the world about our relationship as friends. It was a bittersweet show, as the audience loved it but I couldn’t capture the passion, the exploration and the surprises meeting you entailed. I couldn’t recite the poetry you recited. I couldn’t recite even if you helped me. It was not my business to explain to the group that one person has created a debate between myself and I.
I guess I admired your take on life. The calamity you resonated when you sat legs crossed on the floor. You had a couch in your apartment, but it wasn’t for you. That was a symbol of the adjustment. While my mind is fixates toward the future, I tend to think of present day as past. The poet seizes this great life and tends not to enthrall in the worldly. Though he has more disposable than the average skinny, dark Indian dude, I swear he is satisfied with his hand. He could really shock you at the poker table , as his poker face remains the same. We both deal with numbers in school, yet he tries not to numerate happiness, he just is happy. Just be happy.
It’s an interesting philosophy. Be happy.
When I first set him up with a haircut, he didn’t care what I did to it. I cut him the trendy Fauxhawk and proceeded to style it. The funny thing is he never styled it himself, nor bought a much-needed flat iron. He just went with the flow and I styled it when needed. He was not concerned or really self-conscious. It amazes me how much clearer your mind gets when you act without vindication from others. His zone was his business. Whatever lines I wrote for him to say he spoke like a Poet. When I inquired about him being nervous he said “I will only be in this country for another year, therefore who cares what they think of me” If I had that attitude I think a lot more could get done. Patience was the poets Virtue.
I can never complain, as a student of human interaction I have so many friends from different areas, whom I know very well and whom I shared life’s air. There are some from high school and beyond that I can call companions. There are those who share similar career paths that I can call partners. There are some who love basketball and I can call them teammates. There are the Indians who deserve exclusive nomenclature as its not enough to say that he is an Indian. There are so many people and I wish I could spend more time with them and hear their story. I believe in others very heavily, and I bet many people are capable to believe in their peers via open mind. I believe that we trust each other through the air we breathe. It’s the same. I hate conflict and the poet recites my kind of language. I can’t get too close in interactions as I’m reminded that I have a mission to accomplish.
When I took you to the airport, it was one of the hardest drives. Almost a silent ride with little or no eye contact. Sadness standing its ground against our combined optimism I swear we had a moment as you head to the gate. The drive back was worse but I was reminded of my many friends I have in this country, whom ive yet gotten to know like I know you. Your last song spoke too much as you left back home, inspired to ask more of yourself. I drove home confused on my own approach to life.
Everything you spoke, I took it to heart like your sposed to. It inspired me in a different way. With respect to ranking and labels, I hate the label of best friend, but I liken you to my brother. A lifelong brotherhood who are active in each others well being. I talked to you and really needed you poetry when I was unsure about females. I needed your delivery as I presented information to the class. You took a lot from me and ran with it. Something very interesting I thought about was that you replaced no friends. You displaced no relationships. You came into my life and only improved it, I still carried on with other friends, and I just had a more diversified group of friends. It is plain to see that Everybody loved you. Everybody was attune to your hymn. Your honest inquiry, your innocent intentions. You just came into the room and proceeded to entertain. Nothing to be taken for your personal pleasure but all to be given. Abundance. Incredible.
When you told me that you are coming back to see me graduate from school I was quite surprised. I think school is easy, and honestly I would probably miss the ceremony to get a head start at the bars (open to interpretation) and have them mail my certificate. But now that your coming im going to look for your face in the crowd, and you definitely stand out. I hope you stand close to my mom, she loves you too. I guess we are not so much different, as we have the same mother tongue in Tamil. It makes this whole phenomenon reality. That I am an Indian Boy. I was Born in the United States but I was the child of 2 that grew up in India.
What it boils down to, and why I wanted to show you off to the locals, was genuine love. When I look through your eyes I see straight into your heart. Its almost like love at first sight, or the foundations of it in a fantasized context. It was like when I met Jet, who looked back at me, in his brain illustrating the context of family. Ive never seen anything like it and I’d rather not get my hopes up that it will happen again. You are just 10 digits away from me, we have skype and pretty soon I will be sustaining employment that will put me in the bracket of purchasing plane tickets. You see im not trying to be like the poet, ive set sailed on my own voyage, but there is elements that you have that are so rare. You represent every good part of people and what many people consider the humble Indian. Though you go beyond that.
I have so many friendships, im blessed with so many friends. I’m working on becoming that self sufficient independent man. Im almost there, but I know if I needed a friend with an ear, God has proliferated my phone book. Its an incredible feeling, but your poetry has spoken and invited beyond my cries of help, it has inducted branches onto 2 family trees, It Started the guest list to my wedding day, and yours alike. The poets heart beats for his wife, but its not his decision. I feel like I should have my take on it, and we should talk about your upcoming arrangement. I want to be there to introduce basketball into your child’s life. As I took you into the weight room, you became a child again, akin to growth, willing to learn.
An open mind and open heart was your combination, your roomates were wonderful, but its you that has my first place prize. It took some hesitation, as much as I hate labels, I would call you my Best Friend, but that could have happened in 2009. We progressed and now I see you as an Older brother. Simple as that, I would take a bullet for you to let you carry out your poetry. What you speak shines brighter than my plan, which I constantly waver. So full of life you are, I realize our differences as we recite side by side.
As with many of the blogs I take to heart, I can write till the word processor cant hang. With Friendship being the theme, I will strive to be like you, and given the limited scope of the human beings life, I will never expect to hear the poetry from another friend. I kindly welcome it, but will never expect it. I discovered you by opening my own heart against the society that pushed you back home. I will keep that. Forever. This is just the beginning.
I love you, Man.
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