Thanksgiving 2012

No Breakfast , No Croutons

That IFP life.

ParphaPaleo

Paleo and IF. Let's go.

SnowDay

Contemplate. part 1.

 Hey Sweetheart,


Halo 3 came out September 25th 2007. So you made the decision to split up with me around September 20th or 21st of the same year. While it doesnt bother my day to day interactions, and I had Halo 3 to refocus my life around,  I will say it is a great time to write a blog to kind off, sort off, step back and contemplate, on my side, sorta what September 20th or 21st . When I first heard that you wanted to move along, it struck me as a surprise. Till that point in time, from when I first met you I thought that we were going to the stars, holding hands, as one, on a magic carpet. We had Disneyland  passports, that had plenty of time left on them. It was bad for me, but I know you still use your passport. I don't mind revisiting the entire situation because on the real, I'm very comfortable with this situation.  if we had to compare mindsets in 2007 and to this day 2012, I am very interested to kind of see where we were, where we thought we were going to be, and what ended up happening. What would be even more interesting than the last sentence would be to compare it with what could have happened, versus what actually did happen. Now I don't want to make a lengthy blog fantasizing about you when it's not necessary or even real. It's just very interesting to see one brain and a transition over a five-year period. This half a decade was spent in classrooms, reading textbooks, working multiple jobs, going back to Disneyland, watching the rise and fall of businesses in the family, and myself in the mirror, usually after a workout. In this five-year period I started a blog, in which I will only write, when I feel like I have something real to say. I like to write when I feel like I can grow mentally from the outset of writing a blog. I feel really good after I write a blog and getting things out of my head and onto the spread sheet or word processor helps clear out the toxicity in my brain.  I was very involved in school, I held leadership positions, I volunteered, and I picked up some internships.I graduated from school.  I speak negatively about education. But I got the job. I've had other girl friends. I'm feeling really good right now.  can't thank you enough.  you build this. You helped me, realize. You help me realize that we shouldn't have been together. But being together, causing that spark, and leaving was exactly what I needed in order to plant the seed which is on its way to grow into a giant stock.
  while we will never get back together never. Never. I will continue to do what I say I was going to do, and not to what I said I will not do. Five years ago, I could've been hopeless. I gave up so many senior year activities in order to please you. I gave up so much time my friend even though they forewarned me that I shouldn't be spending so much of my not my time but my mental resources on trying to please you. Artists could draw you, you have physical beauty, almost unmatched. But you treated me like an idiot.  which I was.







What brought it up and why even speak on this five-year sort of anniversary. Is the song by Wale a featuring Rihanna, entitled contemplate.  This is not the first time I am referencing Wale,  because I really respect him as a musician and as an artist and he really got into my head the first time I had heard the song and especially the first part of the song in which he describes the situation involved in a relationship. This relationship seems like it's one-sided.

YOU AINT BOUT THAT LifE

Random Shit That I Think about

• This Election has nothing to do with Mitt Romney. He is stupid.
• People Tweeting Pictures/Instagraming pictures before their death.
• A protester burning the american flag died from fumes from the flame. Great job.
• Money just Changed Everything.
• I want to see New York City
• I am going to cut my fast early tommorow morning to go to lunch with the boss and crew.
• I love basketball, but im afraid to step on the court and not live up to my potential.
• I want to be about that LifE. 
• I want my parents to be healthy and really impress me the next time that I see them.  I love those people.

Party In the USA

Democratic Party in the USA.

I really never liked History Class, But I did admire General, Abraham Lincoln. I have heard good things, in history class, with one ear pressed against my history book, my eyes, if even open examining undergarments hanging out of girls midriffs. I hated to learn about this stuff. It was useless, and there was a much larger future to focus on. History class was just memorization to me. This date corresponded to this, and this came after that. Action A led to Action B, and the gaps were usually filled in through logic you can scrape in siatuations. Those situations came to life one fine day.

I went to Washington D.C. I chilled at the same restaurants where a little over 50 years ago, Civil rights leaders came to plot. I saw the same Speech, the most quoted speech in all of human history, The Gettysberg Address, given by President Lincoln in 1863 during the battle of Gettysberg, in a Great War our people were fighting, AGAINST OURSELVES. A Nation Divided! This man brought us back togther and delivered the Emancipation Procalamation, which in turn outlawed Slavery. Basically this man got it done.  I saw his memorial and was my attention was held.

The Palace that Enshrines President Lincoln Forever was "Honestly" the highlight of my weekend. the statue was shockingly lifelike and expression was immortal.  His commitment to the American People was before his time. To think that we allowed slavery says awful things, but to say they were wrong, at their time in relativity, is proabably ignorant in itself. We have grown as a culture, but are we still racist? Do my Indian parents want me to marry an Indian, when in fact they went against norms and fell in love beyond regions.  Lincoln watches over you and checks you for citizenship. Not your papers but ponders what you have to contribute to the very dream kept alive by his Gettysberg Address.

 The City of Washington D.C. seemed very progressive in its own respects. Rough neighborhoods standing adjacent and evidently to buildings housing the most powerful decision makers on the planet. The home of a Military power not to be seen. The city in between the states of Maryland and Virginia. "No Taxation without Representation" Screams each licence plate as the citizens, (my friends) who pay taxes but do not get votes in Congress. Home of Kevin Durant, Wale, and Dave Chappelle, I got to see what the real D.C. was, and what gets upstaged in everybodys mind to the great monuments to enshrine the leaders of this great nation.

A subway system can get you anywhere and at anytime. Bars that close at 4, mean we leave after midnight, and we sleep till noon.  I got hammered for the first time in a while. Steep rent reminded me of other citys of similar livability. Rain, Thunder, and Traffic defined my commute back to Charlotte in which the DNC was underway.


 The Drama with getting a community credential was Drama. Rain haunted the first night of the DNC, and  I watehed Michelle Obama reiterate the American Dream from the couch. The next night. To my surprise. the power of loose ties, through my good friend, handed me a ticket to see Bill Clinton Address the DNC. I saw him explain politics in what may have been a hard knock speach told to a dr. suess rhythm. I thourougly enjoyed it and because of that i spent time listining to great speaches.

They cancelled the Nomination at Bank Of America Stadium due to the possibility of rains and thunder, but as the day came closer, it was a horrible decision that pissed off my friends who worked hard, and volunteered for the reward of seeing the President Accept the Nomination. Bill Clinton Stole the show.

 Community Credential.

Cali!! 609 votes!

 Inaugurations, Speaches, Moments in Time. The Reflection to a distant Black and White. My American Dreams grow lush and srawl details.

Life After Neil

July 20, 1969
 

It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small.




 

Mondane

I got around to Student Loan Exit Counciling. I really want to get this monkey off my back, because today, when i woke up in the morning and brushed my teeth. took a shower and used scorching hot water to help shave the hair off my chin, something special happened. I felt like an adult. I learned about a grace period in which i am in to start thinking about how im going to attack my $13, 086 of debt that hangs over my head. I paid like 3 minimum (late) payments of my credit cards today, only cuz i will feel alot better next month. Work has been a great learning expirience. I got a haircut, and made a friend that may turn into a lifelong friendship. I started reading david allen again, and im starting to feel like a full time worker as today im going to limit the writing, and forego a few pictures in order to sleep by 10pm. I have a little help from advil pm, but i really need to go to the gym tommorow, as i failed this morning. I dont know about Intermittent fasting as of tommorow, its really hard to concentrate at work as it is, and i dont want to be thinking about food all morning. Ill have to play that by the ear, or the stomach, but as of now, i took the first step into paying my student loans, and i know its not that much, but to be able to pay off what those 13, 086 have represented in time, would mean the world to me. I asked for this. and it was presented to me. Today was the first monday post grad, and its kinda scary to think I could do this for the next 45 years and have a nice hefty retirement check. I don't like that idea, so im thinking of a way to never get old, or never have to retire. Its kinda crazy, but why would you want to just "work" for the next 45 years. I think they are the most fruitful period of time in my life. I gotta make the most out of this. Imagine a 45 year goal. Lets think about that for a second.


Tuesday. Bring it.

The Real World Day 1

My Whole life Packed in 3 Carry-on bags. I had fun in Los Angeles international Airport getting these two way under 50 pounds each except of force the carry-on bag. It was nuts same by my parents. I had a moment with my little brothers before I left the house in Lake Forest at 4 AM in the morning. And the drive to LAX with my father was an interesting drive because I was very inspired to do well and it really hit me. When I got on the plane things became very real to me. Now I'm on the East Coast of United States of America. I had my first day today at Parker Hannifin. The facility in Charlotte North Carolina is about 10 times smaller in the facility in Irvine California. I got to meet more people, and through the doctrine of Southern hospitality they really lived up to the hype. Everybody was very nice.

 I got a rental car from Avis. It was the Jeep grand Cherokee. It drives very well. My hotel room is very nice everything is very nice in fact. I can't complain about anything at all. I'm very excited to do well in the company. I found a gymnasium that is fairly close to work and and eventually I want to be able to go to the gym beforehand. But does the breakfast buffet in the morning that is preventing me from even thinking about going out and working out. I have been eating very unhealthy the last two days.  For breakfast at some added enchilada with eggs. I think I should go to bed because it is about one something in the morning and I said I wasn't tomorrow 8 am.  God bless those affected in the tragedy that happened yesterday. It was a sad sad day today at the office.  I like this new life and I know this can be over in less than six months I have big decisions to make that that time.

 Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Carolina On My Mind.

Flight Leaves in Four Hours.

 It takes about an hour to get to the airport from Lake Forest. About an hour. That leaves me with about two hours two getting ready and write this blog. in my head, there is a lots of different feelings going on. I will miss all my friends, my family, my car, my way of life, my enemies, My 2  beautiful dogs, and because of baggage regulations at Los Angeles international Airport, I will miss many of my shoes my clothes and other equipment I would love to taking.  When I get on that flight, everything is uncertain from their. I don't know any of the people that were on the flight, and moreover I don't know anybody in the city of Charlotte. Except for one HR lady. Who call me told me about my living situation. This presents a challenge to me. Challenge accepted.

"A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have."

 It is incredible, that in just two days, I will wake up in a bad I've never slept in before, and will have to call that my home. I'll get into a car of never driven before, and commutes to a job I've never worked for.  today is that day, everybody has these days, some unexpected some expected in my case I expected today It stands maybe two years ago. The fact that it's so close, compels me to come to this blog and tell you how feeling. At the California home front, I have started a wager with my father, in order for him to lose weight. I have waged about $1000 by the end of this year that he will not lose about 25 to 30 pounds. I really love my father, and I want to see him win. My youngest brother, is desperate to have his clothing line, flight crew, to blow up. I can make that happen slowly and I'm not even in the picture I'm about 3000 miles away, on the other side of the country. I trust that he will invest my earnings and create a huge following for the brand. My second youngest brother is still trying to find himself as he enters  the fourth year  at UCLA. I took the accounting route at Cal State Fullerton, and now I have a license plate–that states that I am a an alumni.  One of the first things I plan to do is put the license plate cover on top of my license plate in North Carolina. I think that makes for a great picture to upload onto the Internet after i put a filter on it. the I had a bonfire last night and a lot of my great friends, came, and had a great time. I think they love me and I love them back so much. I went to into  in and out burger tonight, and it tasted great just like it always does. 

I did a pretty good job of seeing everything that California had to offer, in these last few weeks, except i had no money. Seeing Santa Monica kinda sealed the deal that my days in California will be my best days, and it will come again. I just need to test out the friendly skies, and the great American Dream. First stop Charlotte, Its a party in the USA. I had all the time, but no money. Kinda nuts that a check came inside today and it changed my world.

 There is one topic that I would like to delve into, it would be, the responsibilities of the college graduate. I'm single, I just finished college, I just moved back into my parents house temporarily, I am looking around for ways to be anchored into California and I can't seem to find that. In about 2 1/2 hours unwittingly leading to the airport and is incredible that I have the sense of freedom. No anchors. I can work there I can move somewhere else always making the same money. And the great part is I can always move back. But what is kind of interesting is I'm not 100% sure that I would want to back. I love California I don't like my parents house. 

I love my dogs.

I will miss the PDP in Downtown Fullerton. That was a period of time in my life.

I  I spent a lot of time thinking about what my status with me on Facebook. Like it was an important thing to think about. Like I would have something so epic that it would be one of the best status updates ever posted. But I think what I'm going to do is not do that. I think coming into it out of it, it is not worth it. I have to stay humble, stay focused, and show that I have breaks. I'll probably do some variation of the quote you only live once. 

Its about 3Am now.  I got Carolina on my Mind.

NoDaysOff.

My Type of Party

Meeting people, different people, in many different situations. I think one of the most important things that happened to me in the last five years was getting to understand people for who they are and, and seeing through their eyes. A great learning experience for me was joining the brotherhood, or fraternity, as they call it. The fraternity that I rushed in the fall of 2008 was SigEp . I had a wonderful experience with the fraternity, the best part was being able to decipher my way out of hard situations. Every week we would quick be in a very tightknit schedule we would need for meetings on Sunday nights. We would have basketball practice once use these we would have homework the next night together we would do good deeds for the community and of course we would party on Thursday nights. I met about 27 guys on one night, first name last name favorite hobby. Today I don't really talk to any of them anymore. I hate to downplay or make this seems any less important but I do want really want to recognize that it was a very good experience that helped change the way that I will interact with everybody in the future. When you bring a bunch of guys from different origins into one place you immediately recognize differences. There were some guys that I played basketball with, some that I only cut hair, some that were interested in doing homework together, and of course there were some that were cockbloxks. It was easy to see that there were some guys that you will only see on Thursday nights, that have no value to the fraternity and to the team. Some that I only saw on Thursday nights where there was a party atmosphere and a lack of sobriety. And it always went down the same way, hey what's up, cheers. I think I know how to see people and their motivations and if they have an agenda. I met some friends who no matter what were always busy, and never really wanted to hang out. They found that I had a lot of girls coming to my party and without an invitation they show up. It's I want to discuss a certain neutrality I had some people, but I respect everybody and I was always a good host. I've known Indian international students, who don't consume alcohol bring a $40 bottle of vodka to my party, just because it was the right respectable thing to do. And I also know people who I consider my very very close friends, always coming to the party late without contribution or chipping me money.I have paid more than my share in having these parties come to life.. Throwing a party I released its began to understand the stresses and the sort of problems that occur mentally when throwing it. You want to invite this person but and you don't want their friends. It's not that I don't like your friends, but will my friends get along with your friends?. I developed a sort of rationale when it comes to your friends or a friend's friend. Just let's say somebody is neutral that means I don't know you nobody knows you, and you have no sort of contribution to the party as an you can come in and you can creep on girls, and drink alcahol. You take that same person, and when he walks in the door and everybody sees him he now has a bottle alcohol in his hands or 820 pack of beers. He also comes in with two hot girls. It makes a big difference. This person went from negative to positive. It must be stressful being a party promoter, especially one with a lot of friends that want to party. I wish I can get a lot of people with me on the same page but it is think it's just something that is too much to ask for. The party last Saturday went very well, I understand there were a lot of people that said they were combatant.com a lot of people that said they were going to help me out but did not and the many other problems that occur with parties. I did not want to set it up as a going away effort. But the few people that did come did contribute, and had a good time, we will always member the pad. It's called on. College was a lot of fun for me. I can't believe it ended two days ago. I wonder what fraternity will do for me in the future. Where will the connection resume. And speaking of resume where will the value, in terms of it resuming on my resume. The dynamics of partying and having a good time, is a study of its own. What really bothers me, is in one of my classes I sat next to a devout Muslim. This guy had better grades than me, he was very outgoing, and he really badly wanted the job. I said I helped set him up with an interview with an employer. What really is sad, is that I knew he would not fit in in the workplace. It's really sad, because after they get past past that you have a good GPA, in an interview setting they are now trying to find out if this candidate is one that we can take out to happy hour and entertained. To these very religious, who do not consume alcohol, it is outrageous. It is unfair. But, we have to understand we are only dealing with human beings. Why would I study partying inhumane dynamics,? Because, it may be very helpful in my future dealings with the employer. Many deals get done on the golf course. Workplace relationships are something of study…and I intend to get to know this better.

On to the next one

10 semesters 5 summer sessions 1 intersessions. I retook a class from fall 2007 in spring 2011. I went ahead and pregamed the last final. It feels a little surreal to be starting the next level In 12 days. Thanks to you and everybody this step by step process went down as it should. I had so much fun and I feel as  perplexed as I feel prepared to move. The weather is hot and the summer is feeling very California like this year.

3 Weeks of IF

 164 Lbs. Last time I was this weight i was mad.

 I started a trend that i was going to keep putting up progress pictures of this intermittent fasting thing. The HodgeTwins have really helped me find my groove in this. This picture was taken on July 20th.

July 21st. I woke up with the "Guju" Allergies and i kinda wondered how i got them, I was very far away from any of their houses, or the sweet shop. Its a mystery although that was about the only symptom that stayed.

3 weeks later. Imagine what i could do in a year. IF is really effective.

I think the Human Soul cries out for more than just three weeks of vacation and full dental.

Living under the delusion that the generic non-technical degree from a middling school will guarantee you account durable life's. The reality is that you'll probably just wind up four years older, a few tens of thousand dollars poorer, and finding out that your job opportunities are pretty much the same as they were before.

 I'm actually pretty happy I got this job because I'd included were really expensive prestigious school and my GPA was not that impressive but somehow I landed this job because I went to a second he may be at third tier school my God and I didn't really know what I wanted to study, I was unsure what I wanted to do I graduated somewhere around the middle of my class but somewhere in between I decided to study accounting. I'm happy that in about three weeks I'm not starting some job unrelated to my degree and I'm happy about putting on a name tag or blue vest. If that was the case I should've probably just not went to school at all that, crazy if you think about starting over in fact like 2007. The month is August. No, 2006. When I was attending El Toro high school in Lake Forest California I was told to apply to college. I did not know what the SAT was about. I should have known but I did not have anybody telling me years beforehand what it was about. I just went to school everyday looked at the neighbors next to me. Got decent grades. I had a girlfriend I was probably more concerned about her. I applied to colleges just like my English teacher told me how to do it the. The I took her advice, which wasn't really advice it was more like a lecture on you should apply to college even more so if the CSU. If I can go back to 2006, not knowing what's going on today, and also provided there were no misfortunes to change my path, and made them better off just teaching myself everything. Does four years later what has changed, four years later that's 365 days multiplied by four. Add a leap year and it's another day another 24 hours. I may have learned I may have learned more outside of the classroom that I have inside. If I finished 150 units of class and each class is three units, then that's about 50 classes. Over five years that makes about 10 classes a year. Divided by two semesters and the summer I could easily set I took four classes a semester and to every summer. If every class had three tests, two midterms and one final. I really wonder how many days I really studied for these two tests and one final multiplied by 50 classes sold 100 test and 50 finals. Maybe hundred and 50 days in total which equates to about half a year. While these are gross under estimations this system is at academic system we have, even under the most optimum mistake settings and mean looking so positive that it it was not that enjoyable. The main call it enjoyable and would change me was the people that I met, the fraternity I rushed, the clubs that I joined, the people that I usually would not have hung out with I decided to hang out with, having two younger brothers to share my everyday experiences with as little as two great parents who may or may not really still understand what I go through. I read some instructions and basically it's set out to work harder than everybody else, because it's not that hard to do so. And what I've learned is I have a niche when it comes to people work my curiosity with people and I pretty much didn't make any body my best friend. It's not that hard. College also as you know about getting drunk simple as that. Did I need it. While I got the job so whatever. I'm an accountant's lips he would mistake me. I'm in a be in a cubicle in a few weeks and I think the first thing is him and think about is how to get out of the cubicle. In maybe I'm just in it for the money. Maybe I'm just in it for the money. Maybe, maybe the money was the best thing about getting this job. But they're offering the opportunity to stay out of my mom's house. We have the same bed that I did five years ago. Walking on the same stairs, and although I love my parents and my family and my dog and my little brothers, I have a certain lust for life and I don't think I can ever satisfy my hunger by doing the same exact thing that I did five years ago. There are 50 states in United States of America. California just one of them. Conventional knowledge says that California is God's country. It's the best place to live in the world. Southern California especially Orange County especially, Anaheim California home of the happiest place on earth. While I am about to challenges that ideal. This win-win situation that I am about to embark on give me truth that my parents made the right decision when they moved to California in 1988. I was born in Corona California. In circle city hospital. I think it's kind of a crazy idea but I really want to go and visit the hospital before actually embark on this trip. That's where it started, where a was born placed to start the slice which is about to take a huge turn. I think it's a right turn. Not a U-turn, but a right turn. If I keep demanding more of myself, I will soon realize that I'm just a call in the machine. One day I'm going to want to equate focused on my own projects. Working for yourself, not some other entity where you mean nothing, it's probably worth a lot of money. And when I say money I don't think I'm talking about numbers,. Just a few things on my mind. August 15 is like 23 days away.

No Breakfast.

Its a great process. Inside and outside, i intend to clean up the mess I created. I thought the Intermittent fasting was a good idea. Little did i know it was a great idea, that i dont mind doing for the rest of my life. With about 28 days till i wake up in North Carolina. The big question is, will i eat breakfast that morning? I dont eat breakfast, and that allows me to go to the gym on an empty stomach (still not that fun) but I get a cleaning feeling goin inside my body. I feel as though my fat is being held to the furnace and its burning. After working out and doing 30-60 mins of cardio, im ready to eat my first meal of the day around 1pm.
It tasted amazing, when it otherwise wouldnt if your not starving. Im keeping this up. and eating a turkey burger with no mayo when i get hungry. Every day it seems im getting closer to what i want. What i want is just to keep getting closer. It never stops.

White Girl

I'm bothered

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The first of the month

Bank account: 181.08
Rent 362.50

Damn ...the last rent

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Day 3 iFasting

Intermittent Fasting is kinda cool. I'm very hungry though and I can't wait till 12 when the healthiest shit is going to taste like pizza

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The Gastank Manifesto

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Consider Me

My roomates and I get along pretty well. I count any of them will ever know about me though. As much as I try to bend over backwards as a good roomate I always get the short stick. When our internet went out and we needed a cable guy, they were never home. When I'm getting home the lights off in my room. I don't even feel at home in my room. In Fullerton, yes. With my old roomies yes. But today, no.  I continue to think what's next for them after we all end our agreement as roomates in 5 weeks.  I wanna say Fuck em but I really do care for them, I wonder if they feel the same bout me. I know I continue to habit our habitat on my own, as my own choice. 

The tv seems to be occupied all the time...good because I should be studying anyways..

Ionno they ain't and will never be on my level. Hopefully of anything.

Next month is July and this is MY party.

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<3

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exactly half.

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Entering familiar territory

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..when your 23.

Best things about being 23 (copied from google)

1. your old enough to know wtf is going on but young enough not to care.
2. if you dont have kids by now, you probably wont have any for a loooooong time because you know better.
3. people still think your 18!
4. your brain is still in high school, while your life slowly drifts towards the thirties.
5. your mom asks you why you dont come by enough, you actually have a legitimate excuse.
6.you start to realize that the money you make looks better in the bank than in a beer or flatscreen tv with cable
7. you realize that you really dont have to apologize for anything as long as your making it on your own.
8. your priorities change for the better. you start to live for yourself rather than someone else.
9.your more comfortable in your own skin.
10. assuming that whatever youve been through hasnt made you super jaded or angry, you can actually find peace to be yourself and enjoy life instead of be cynical and sarcastic all the time.


You know how the Song goes, Nobody likes you when your 23, and I will be spending the bulk of the rest of my 22 year old life getting from Los Angeles to Cleveland. Before I wrote this, i looked at the blog i wrote exactly 1 year ago to figure out what was going on and how it is interpretted a year from the day. It's kind of a blessing to be able to recollect the trials, and the adventures I was apart of last year. I get to keep them, it is a blessing, almost as much a blessing as living this long itself.  Blood pressure is low, my stress is above average, and our work is never over.
I have to mention that last year today, i made  a promise to myself that i would dunk a basketball, which is yet to happen, while i said i would delete this blog, I resent that statement, because me losing this blog is like me taking the last 2 and a half years away, and me relying on pure memory, which will further dramatize the stories i got to capture as a 20, 21,  and 22 year old.  Moving on to 23, I want to set another goal. Attainable, yet will take me all 365 days to get to. As in each day i move 1/365th closer to my goal or .0027% closer to my goal. Last year i didnt get serious about my verticle jump until this year, and i may even do it tomorrow.

Tommorow though, my plan B for taking flight involves going to the airport and heading onto a flight provided by the company. When I land in Cleveland,  I find Avis rent a car, and i get a car for the weekend, and head to my hotel. And this is just for me to get familiar with my peers. Not bad. in fact this is incredible for me. I love it.  I leave in about 10 hours.

22 today, 23 tommorow, Los Angeles today, somewhere else tommorow. Im overcome with excitement, eased on by stress, riddled with curiosity, broke AF therefore im getting creative  as to how im going to make my 2nd to last rent payment. I have a security deposit paid  a year and a half ago i need to claim in order to not drown. I barely made it here. I graduated, but still life sends you summer school to simmer the mood. I love school learning. But with this backwards thinking, repped by most indian parents of students my age, i wonder how many of yall got your degree, and are about to move away to another city, and live life on your own terms. I wonder how many of yall , are doing what you said you were going to do.  I wonder how many of yall  are moving away to make, not spend money. I wonder how many of yall moved back home because you wanted to, not because you had to. I wonder how many of yall think your ahead of the game. I wonder how many of yall even wonder your place in this world. I really think about that too much, and as much as i hate comparison, it is done subconsciously. LIke where do I fit on this measuring stick. I wonder how many of yall who reacted to any of this, decided to live this way as a college student itself? I will always be a student, so in my mind, very little has even changed in the last 2 years. Some people celebrated, some didn't, but honestly, i have celebrated so often in the last 5 years for things that prior, diddnt recieve celebration.

Whats 23?

To Gemini,  You are so beautiful, and I am so lucky to have you in my life. I will be thinking about you pretty much the whole weekend, my whole birthday and will call you when i come back. This weekend is big for me. Almost overwhelmingly big.

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Every thing happens for a reason.

In Tuition

Scared to Face the world, Complacent career Student, some people graduate but be still stupid.

This is exactly how I feel right now, before graduation tomorrow. I will be graduating from college, and be on my way to becoming, or in my free head, Staying a man. I think new things are on my way, a new job starting in august, a new expense card, new roommates, a new boss, a new tax bracket. I keep thinking about my old jobs, which pushed me up the wall, my current credit cards whose minimum payment is the maximum I can spend, reflecting on a credit score that does not impress. The roomates, who ive seen grow in and out of the gym, who see similarly but not the same life envisioned.  I think of my first boss who fired me, and wonder who makes more money, Professors who use all 5 letters for questions on scantrons.

One week has passed since Graduation, I woke up really early that morning with Rahul and we had decided to leave the Jack Daniel’s as it stood on the island. I tried to eat a bowl of cereal, but I just couldn’t finish it. After getting to school and witnessing firsthand the many people who are graduating, bringing in many more people to watch, I realized that it is a big day for some people. I also realized some people didn’t even care to walk. Graduation is a simple formality, or even better, an event to show your parents that you could get through 4+ years of higher education. I decided to walk because I became the first person in my Family to do it. So big ups to them for helping me set up for this. Paying my application fee in 2006, Paying for School in 2007, Letting me move out in 2008,  Giving me a job in 2009, Understanding I was never coming home, and I didn’t care if you didn’t support me in 2010, witnessing me transition in 2011, and coming to my graduation in 2012. I made it here safe.  I could really go on about memories, but whats great is I have mmany memories already  accounted for in the posts below.

I got a bunch of congratulations, which I accepted, and was applauded for graduating, which I find silly, because in all honesty , the last Four Five years have been a wild party, and an effort to look elsewhere besides studying. Sure there were some tests,(accounting) where I needed to study before the day of the test, and I witenessed stress. But to be honest, I was so priveledged to be in this position in the first place. To be able to study and make myself more valuble to the marketplace. How can I accept a congratulations, when there are people out there who diddn’t have it like me , My age and working as the manager of Sonic Burger. Is it time to look down upon them, now that your congratulating me for my accomplishments? No, they exhibit that strength to do well in the classroom. They have a life to attend to, and have built a work ethic and willpower that very few will see. It may be unfortunate that since I was so privileged by the time they are ready for an entry level jobs, they may have to go through me. Well I will always understand and remember what 10 dollars an hour felt like. The Hustler salary was neve about how much they made but more the time of the day it was done.  So again one time for those who bust ass but didn’t graduate, Your time will come and you will have a reason to celebrate. I on the other hand, did not have to worry about food for most of my college career, and when I did slip and fall, there were those who contributed to a speedy recovery. I want to thank you for that.

I really dont mean to Knock anybody in particular.

The polar opposite demographic, includes a cohort of students who, graduated, and had 3-5 sashes, stolls, medals, and flowers. Who graduated no better than in 4 years. They have 50 people coming to watch them walk, graduation parties that are catered by people like my parents, and thanks to you Facebook, you have been following their progress since they updated their status, in line at admissions and records, making it official that they applied to graduation. It then followed up with another update to inform us how they did on the EWP, and a countdown to graduation.  I wonder why I don’t feel what you feel, I mean, lets keep talking about graduation like it’s the finish line. I mean we worked so hard in that stupid accounting class, didn’t pass, and had to switch over to Comm. Some people had a job on top of that, and some, some really ambitious, worked at Disneyland. Maybe I don’t feel as though this is the finish line, because I was given a Full-time position, literally right after I started the victory lap. I found out that what I thought was the finish line was really a starting line.  I was overthinking this all the way up into they said my name on the loud speaker. I feel awkward, because it would be kinda mean to mention the future in a circle conversation, on the day of graduation.  It would kinda be like, so..”Who else secured a job like they were supposed to”?  Maybe not but I just gotta keep my eyes in my own lane.

At times, it got really stressful for me, and I traded stress for stress, I kept a happy face for so many reasons, through the process, for one, I always worked directly In front of my customer, and for another, I was really blessed from the get go. How could I celebrate this? A few words for Cal State Fullerton, thank you. You raised tuition but you also raised financial aid. You graduated like 9000 people, but how many are prepared for the real world? How is that even your fault?  When I first came to Cal State Fullerton, I was listening to Kanye West’s Graduation. The songs that really stuck out in 2007 are the ones I brought back for this years graduation. And I would be lying to say I didn’t have these banging for the last 5 years.

La, la, La la wait till I get my money right, then you cant tell me nothing aaite.

I guess is everybody’s theme song, but I loved it because I had an audience when I sang it, which included my competition, my ex girl, my old basketball coach and my parents. Im still listening to the song, and it still motivates me how it was put together. We all need a little motivation, and I was given rations through KanYe West’s Graduation.

Na na na that what don’t kill me, can only make me stronger, I need you to hurry up now, cuz I cant wait much longer. I know I got to be right now, cuz I cant get much wronger.

In second place comes the song that invented those annoying glasses we used to love.  In the last 5 years I feel as though I been broken inside, only to be built back. The Human body heals itself. And as I stand today, with cavities in my teeth that need attention, to the many small lines of credit that I treat like income,  the frugality of a white man, and the hunger of poor child, I am ready to fight student loan interest. I am stronger today, and equipped to fight it via fixed income.  I graduated to do what I said I was. I cant get much wronger, until August 15.  

And I wonder, if you know , what it means, what it means, And I wonder, If you know, what it means,  and I wonder, if you know, what it means, To find your dream. 

I’ve been waiting on this my whole life. And im not ready to celebrate it, because there is more. Some people say this is it, that student loans end here. I wonder. I really wonder. I wonder why real hard work is always looked over, replaced by those who graduated from college. Its not, and will never be equal opportunity, and as much as I want to raise independent, strong children, I know that this cycle began long ago, and the divide is only getting bigger. I really wonder what my generation, the first generation of college graduates are going to look like 5, 10, and 15 years from now.  In fact, I wonder what the Indian demographic will .Why I think about these things, because inside, im just really curious and competitive.  Anywho…

You can still be who you wish you is, it Aint happen yet, and that’s intuition is.

Little brothers, please pay attention to everything im doing, and talk to me often, I want the best for you, and hope you achieve far greater success through my hindsight. I will be there on your Graduation Day, with the big Camera.

I want to give myself a little pat on the back, but there is much more to be accomplished. I graduated, im on to the next, and I Love you Mom and Dad. But you don’t have to throw a Graduation party for me. Cater other parties, they and if you need my help, I’ll be here till August.

 

Then I promise that things are going to get better.  I Love You so much.

 

Red collar.

t's so inspiring to see this Kid. Who has school every morning at 7 am, goes to work at 6pm and comes home at 1:30am only to do it again the next morning. You see he is so exhausted he diddnt even make it to his bed.  And almost all the money he makes on rollerskates gets pumped into his flight crew clothing line. Wow. I thought I worked hard in high school I guess you outdid me. For that I shout you out. I start making 3 times you do sitting in a chair, I gotta figure out how I can match your hustle in a cubicle.

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The Real World

I graduated yesterday. And haven't gotten straight about my despondent  feelings about changing a beautiful situation. A beautiful girl gave me the ultimate after graduation book and I'm on page 52. I'm with my parents who seem stressed but always remain positive. Im sitting close to, but seeing the same lake, tranquil enough to write. I'm twentysomething in the summer before I jetset into an entry level accounting gig. I'm confused, stressed, overjoyed and defined by anxiety. But Im 22 years old, with or without health insurance, 5 figures in debt but I have a goal to push past and fly. I accept inspiration like albertsons accepts cash. I guess money talks in this world, but I continue to write, I hope you will continue to listin.

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A Doctorate in Life.

For Your reading Pleasure: I graduated May 22, 2011. Started working full time June 22. Old people at work told me I could do anything right now cuz had no wifey mortgage bullshit. Gave my 2 week notice Oct.22 to pursue my real passion: People and the World. I came up with an idea called Generous Dream Project (GDP). April 11 I'm leaving for 27 countries in 9 months discovering dreams by photograph, video, and writing as I land, make friends, and live with locals. Everyone has a story to tell, but how often does one sit down to listen. The goal is to help fulfill the dreams of people who help me survive. That is the Generous Dream Project.

Meet Roshan.



AKA RoRo (@TellRoro) Knows what im talking about. He did everything right in school. Was a person I looked up to when I decided to encumber his position Representing the Mihaylo College of Business and Economics on ASI's Board of Directors. Outspoken, Friendly, and Brown, you just knew, seeing him in the halls, as well as around campus that he liked to do things unconventionally. A shoe-in as the speaker at CSUF's Marketing Graduation. As a Marketing Maestro,  He landed a Full Time Job, only to Quit after a few months because he was tired of doing things he kinda wanted to do. More concerned with being real with himself and his passions, and what I admire him for.. I will let him pitch GDP.

Credit: RoroDream.com

On April 11, 2012 we will venture thru the 27 countries over 9 months discovering dreams as I land, make friends, and live with locals. The goal is to help Fulfill the Dreams of people who help me survive by support from YOU, friends, resources, strangers, networks, acquaintances, and every strong willed person. I'm going alone, no plans, no money, no accommodation, no food, no contacts, no skills. If strangers help me overseas when I have nothing why not help them when we have everything here. Its not about me, its not about you, its about the World.

April 11-17 Saint Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands
April 18-20 Cancun, Mexico 1st Wonder Chichen Itza
April 21-27 Lima, Peru 2nd Wonder Machu Picchu
April 28-May 6 Brazil 3rd Wonder Christ the Redeemer
May 7-17 Dubai, U.A.E.
May 18-31 South Africa
June 1-6 Livingstone, Zambia
June 7-12 Nairobi, Kenya
June 13-24 Cairo, Egypt
June 25-30 Amman, Jordan 4th Wonder Petra
July 1- August 26 Greece, Italy 5th Wonder Coliseum, France, England, Ireland, Sweden, Poland
August 27- September 4 Tokyo, Japan
September 5-30 China 6th Wonder The Great Wall
October 1-31 India 7th Wonder The Taj Mahal
November 1-22 Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam
November 23-December 4 Australia
December 5-15 Auckland, New Zealand
December 16-21 Suva, Fiji 
Antarctica

I cant even begin to analyze April 11 to the end of the Year.

On my way back home from dropping off my friend RoRo off to his home, 3 days prior to taking off to the unknown, i realized on my drive home down chapman avenue, i had a view of the City of Fullerton, and many homes and apartments that occupy it. I look to my left and i see many office buildings, very occupyable and inviting to many people. There are so many people that are so near to me but yet i have never met, or interacted with. I see that they have lived many years here, and easily have crossed my path. I feel as though that we will never get to see all of them nor even bother. All those apartments, most of which inhabited, could hold the answers to the questions in my head.

Think. If you spent 30 mins reading a book, you could comfortably learn something.  Take the same 30 mins and speak to somebody, and you could uncomfortably learn something, or possibly a summary of his/her hours of reading and research. Maybe you just dont like people, and avoid them in general. introversion. I think things are changing in the post grad world so fast. It was not like this 10 years ago. I was just asked if I had applied to Grad School as yet! I look back almost bewildered, as if I was supposed to do that in order to Graduate. My response is that I haven't decided if i will even go that route to begin with. I think those who inquire about me, would even assume i want to study business related coursework. LOL As I examine The Post- Grad world 10 years ago. to be go to college, move out, explore, and explore some more get a job so you can explore. Now it seems that you go to school, move out, and move back home study for the GMAT, and Go back to Grad School, except you hated school, and now dread it. Except now its more expensive, and it delays the prospect even further as you did not have experience in the first place.

Take all that, Multiply by Countries, Languages, Customs, Food, Religion, Animals, Seasons, Attire, and Behavior and in a nine month period you have learned, seen and interacted with more than you can have imagined. Wow. What will I think of. Not to outdo this, but he was so honest with himself to go out and quit a safe, comfortable atmosphere, with a fixed income. He chose this.  I ask myself, as I in august embark on my own Project. It is not very Generous or what I dream about but it takes care of me as I will be apart of those at risk for default in the pool of 1 Trillion dollars of Student Loans. This topic will come back as it is an Election Year. I couldnt do this, no, not if I were to be independent like I say I will. I have many too much on my mind with less than 1 month from Graduation. I ask myself, as it is already too late to do the speech. When am I going to step up to the podium, and scream my heart out? This blog is the closest I have done to that. I do like words on paper, and always mess up when its my turn to kick flows on the microphone. They Tell me to make money, I feel all sorts of pressure to do it. Im with it.  Though its finding my true calling is what I even came here for.

Preschool Elementary Jr. High High School College-------> Whats Next?

Another Element i wanted to mention is that people change their scene all the time. Many people who were set on Med School are studying for the GMAT. Other brown people look at me and think ill be fine because of something my parents have done. It makes sense right, Indian Boy=Parents Own Business= Never Had Job But Lied On Resume= They Pay for My School, Rent, Groceries, Jordan 3's= Work in their business but front like your the mastermind. I guess thats how im viewed. I will never bring up that topic in conversation, but nobody likes to be profiled. Little do you know, Me managing a restaurant is the Anti-thesis of the life i intend to lead. I never even think about it. There is no Escape for me, as I have to be my own man. I'm blessed with so many options, but really, Id enjoy life cutting hair and socializing all day.  The Doctorate in Life is what Roshan was going for. He diddnt want his masters, that costs far more than those plane tickets, and for what. To listin to professors, talk the same shit that went in and out of ears for 5 years as an undergrad. As much as I may take this back, I dont want my MBA. I wont Learn anything it will just be good if i want to lEARN more. But I think with what I have, and what I aim for, I will make enough money to clear my head of stress and figure out what needs to happen.  Roshan will be back, tanned, well networked, and ready to take on California.

D. All of the Above.

There are 3 ways to fly.  Grow Wings, Buy a Plane Ticket, or Increase your vertical jump through strength and plyometric drills. I intend to hit all of these. I set a date on May 31st 2011 to hit my first dunk by June 1st 2012. It was as if I did not really care about it until the start of this year, but I will be hell bent on its accomplishment by the end of this blog, or subsequently the death of my battery. I want it for many reasons, the intrinsic value of survival, cardiovascular health and physical prowess on the basketball court, to the extraneous value of showboating and technical fouls.  I want it because I am so close to the goal, that it attainable, yet difficult. I want it most because I said that I would do it, and nothing is as unsatisfactory as somebody who says something and does not deliver. To further increase the gravity in the room, I said it to myself, in writing, and even set a date. I must of predicted my resoluteness in a wager that will cost this blog post and everything before it. I true surmise if I mess this up. I Have put myself in a situation where I have to win, or I lose everything.

I wagered  precious memories. The desire doesn't just stop there. It started with getting cutfrom the basketball team. In some crazy sense that festers not at any potency outside my head, its redemption to the coaches who believed in other people. I have a hitlist with names on it. I still think about them everyday, and they still bother me. When I think of the Varsity Basketball Team, I am reminded of the lost childhood, but I smile because im forever inclined to never get cut again. I cut myself from taking the LSAT for the same reason I cant go to the dentist, because I am not a holder of proper health insurance. Im Broke and hope a bandage is enough for the cut above my eye given to me during battle.

I want it more than anything. I explained it briefly to my favorite girl. Who gives me encouragement but probably couldnt understand the immensity of the situation,  the debits to my desire, and the emptiness i will feel if I dont pull through. I dont know if you understand that it will be a similar emptiness than that of which comes if you were to leave me for another person. Probably worse, because i have made you no promises, yet have publicly promised myself I would get through this.  I do things like this, because in order for me to live, i need to grow. I can't sit here in one place. Some people encourage that life is about making alot of money, and i had to stand back and disagre. It makes me feel good to see progress. Sure making money is not a bad thing, but at what cost. I tend to keep myself at edge as I start with Parker on August 15th. What's left is that I have much time to fill and very little money to enjoy myself with. Until August 15th, I have to live basic, and when I say basic, all i mean is basic needs, Food, Water, Love and Basketball. I dont care about anything else. Dunking will make me feel better than any thing injected, ingested or released. I want to get into athletic shape for the right reasons, and If I achieve my goal, everything will fall into place.

On June 1st. 2012  67 days from right now.  I will demonstrate that there are are 3 ways to fly. I will be in the Midwest attending an orientation. I will increase my vertical leap, and through the fulfillment of my goals, I will have grown wings to help lift me into another level of Goal Setting. If you were to ask me why I want to Dunk, I would answer back politely..

D. It is Written.

The New Ipad

Its a flat piece of white plastic. but ima get one when i can afford it. I could probably kill you in draw something.

Love Shines All Times

 I know it has been a while since I been myself. I was gone and if I had to give a good excuse of why I havent been here, it would be the story of my (Descriptive Adjective) Life. I write like once a month, and to me, its a crime to write about the past using sober memory. I plan to finish my last blog, but my problem is I wait for a time where my innermost world is at peace with the outer atmosphere with a smooth surface conducted through either a beam or a sad face.  I should treat this like how they market Starbucks Coffee to the overproductive independent american woman; Just shut out the world and enjoy the expresso. I'd rather foster this earth, and I wanted to see how deep rooted my love for it can get. Sometimes in this country, especially through media exposure, I feel as though I can do anything I want, yet on paper it seems as though a dream. Capitalism is out here to destroy human conciousness, turning just under 500,000 of us into blind hedonists looking for pleasure and fast food. Am I just feeding this assembly line, or am I a free thinker? I try to avoid asking myself such hard questions and just appreciate what I have.  I went to India to remind myself that there is more out there. There are genuine smiles out there. There are people who cant read living day by day, in their own language, eating their own food that they grew, and loving the children who consume just enough. In fact, just enough is all they were given in terms of a conscience.  Essentially it is out of their consciousness to over consume anything. When Food, Water, and Education come at an asking price, you think sacrifice.

I face a lot of pressure to conform and be like my peers. My indefinite response is to be myself. I truely appreciate knowledge. I want to keep learning, and learn different things, most primitiveness through experience and human interaction. My goal as I have said before is to better understand my world by meeting everybody in it. The Bible says that to look at a woman with Lust is as bad as Adultery. Women today come to conclusions at eye contact, although I am forever just a student trying to understand the world through interaction. I think an education in Law would help me understand the world and unmask those in need. Another side of me just wants the challenge of it. The LSAT is a small price to pay for the next 4 months and 2 days along with the costs of a class and my time to see if this is really for me. Though the test will test me on not what I was taught in school, I remark in appreciation that I will learn something. Moreover I will go about this in a sense that there is no pressure to score at a certain percentage. 









Love always shines.

Lust for Life III

Im writing this one from the belly of the smelly. Home to one billion. Loud horns and crorepatis. The Slumdog Millionaire fantasy becomes all the more fantasy when you stand in front of where it was shot, your nose refusing to intake the smell, your eyes you want to close them, i turned around, told the taxiwala to take me hither. I should have written more this past year because I want to keep it with me without exhausting resources being taken captive by alcahol. This love story culminated on Christmas Day. When i crossed paths with a young child by the name of mahesh. The meeting point was a mumbai mall with arcade basketball. I mean what else? I guess he saw me playing having a nice shirt and a cool watch, shooting a basketball, tickets spewing out the machine meaning i actually play the game.he diddnt ask but seeing his excitement I gave him rs. 20 to play. He lit up like the christmas tree i knew he had never seen. Too young to be alone i wo der where his parents where. Not a beggar, but not much above. Seeing his appreciation me and brother decide to pool our tickets to get something for mahesh. We get him a set of markers and he litterally couldnt control his happiness. I was on the verge of tears as this kid represented Young brilliance. Content with life. The lust for life trilogy