I forgot

cheers.

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the pledge

I pledge that this is the last beer I will drink in 2010 unless I hand in my test on Wednesday at 515 with no doubt I got an A. I really have to get that a because I don't wanna bthat sober knowing its the best for me.

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phew

I think they liked me. I hope they like me. we'll find out in a couple days. but the show must go on

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Hustle and flow

I feel like I am staring at the high dive. I came and I saw. I now see because I was a seeker. now its time to speak. I know Jesus has his angels looking after me. I guess the best thing for me to do for 20 mins is appreciate everything god has given me. to get me to sit here in front of corporate America. thank you. for every individual you have put before me. the talents I must now utilize. the magic. the miracles you have granted to my family. the empty pages and the pen voice recording, I have 2 hands and I will use one of them to write the other one to help keep my head up . thank you for making me struggle because I can see your there in my life and you really care. the opportunity. thanks for the opportunity. I promise to move through this world and sacrifice everything besides my integrity. I keep this badge on me in this progressive situation to remind me that I did start somewhere at the bottom. I hope my head stays the same size because its feeling great at where its at . I'm blessed. I hope I never forget where I came from. I really hope I don't because its so easy to do so. every body does it. but I'm not them.

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Shooting Myself in the foot.

Thank yous to the career center for letting me have the opportunity. 

Veni Vidi

This will probably be the hardest blog to date. Simply because i feel like a water balloon filled to its exact absolute. Faced with 2 decisions to either live life on the brink, or let go. I popped at around 1:30pm this Friday. Im not a water balloon though. I am a bit discomposed. Positively, because from 1:30 today and 1:30p.m. (on the Fuckin dot) Next Friday is the rest of my life before my first interview for an Accounting Internship.  I asked for it. I applied with that single piece of   electronic paper that is supposed to be represent every plasma, cell, and platelets that carry oxygen and nutrients that carry back the by-products. On that note i have a rapid heartbeat, and i don't think its going to ever go away.

Strategic decisions i have made since my change have end resulted in things like this. Opportunities. I finally feel like i am thinking clearly and heading in the right direction. Its innate now. I made a decision to stay for my 5th year in school. Now i have an internships interview. Causation. Opportunity. I love it. The challenge to me, and all im going to be thinking about for the next week leading up to friday is, How am i supposed to par with this interviewer. How honest? Staying positive is the name of the game, but what will tug is my internal love struggle . 

I have a certain "Lust" for life.  and I'm beginning to view human beings differently in terms of their intentions and I'm getting quicker to see somebody for being genuine. when you professionally network, you have an agenda. And thats not a situation i would like to be in. I want to make friends with somebody and land this internship, i think something has got to give in this situation.  Things have tottally changed in some "respects". I've always loved people. Always. But i used to respect alot of people. Thats changing day by day as im in search of a hero, A big brother to help make sure im heading in the right places. 

I look at the graduate students much differently when presented to me. i know a 27 year old who finished her Juris Doctor but has never worked a day in her life. She had the grades so i shook my head like yeah im impressed. Should i land this internship, my resume now has some relevant work expirience only to replace my sandwich making and dishwashing experience. and i know it means absolutely nothing to that girls mother, but its those jobs at the bottom that make me feel deserving of what's next. Its that core, its the real love that was at stake when i had so much on my mind. I was silent, and on friday at 1:30 i  get to speak. 

I came, I saw, 

(thats what she said)

,layS ihsiR raeD

 Dearest Brother

I knew you would do it. I hope your a successful young man when you reading this because your probably not going to seek it until a day a very far time from when i wrote this. Multiple years till we both seek to  speak on the synonymous. The levels of consciousness between you and me in 2010, especially seen from the outside are in a disparity. I started composing this blog, and it took over me. now it raises me. if i sit here for long enough, i reach a the New York state of mind.

You have coerced me to be proud of you. You understood what was missing in your life. Its always good to multitask, but when you focused on that one void.  That hollow that prevented you from being you. You lacked Happiness. Jealous, You saw it in your peers eyes.

I can see it in yours. 

Your story, though one in the small suburban community of Lake Forest, in a plausible basketball program such as El Toro High School, is enough to inspire any individual you can see under you. my question to you is, ( and its kinda directed toward myself) what happens  when you look up. what do you see. 

My Broken dreams.  My Castle in the air. Speculations of my past they will always be there. As i try to never live with regret, i never wanted to sit ad mist the trash and fellow Fans half heartedly cheering for the players that represented my school. Though our mom and dad you and jai never made it to one of my games as a family, believe me i will be bringing everybody to see your debut.  The truth is we don't always do the right thing. and each day as i fuck up, i will make sure it doesn't happen to you. 

im getting a taste of the real world. ive seen every avenue of my school and now have a new attitude on what it means to be educated. there is so much you get to have on your way up that wasn't presented to me . I don't know if that means if either of us will be further fulfilled, but i m going to make sure you don't make the similar mistakes i did. 

Complacency killed me. i was relaxed.After they cut me, it seems the same Jersey they took off my back in 2005 happened to fit you in 2010. they didn't wash it, and you weren't bothered. Tenacity that i can see in your every move as you let them know that your for real. You have it. You have the drive. we have the same heros. except for one, because i want to let you know that i think your my hero. The goal you set was almost unattainable.  you knew you were going to get there because you never took shortcuts to get there. It was your destiny to be in that program. 

It was great  while my stint lasted, but it barely lasted that i couldn't even sip my drink. There is nobody who i would rather be than Neil Syal, But sometimes i would take your 10 fingers as an alternative.  In lieu of my own body, as a matter of choice, if i had a flux capacitor. I let the biggest opportunity of my young 15 year life pass me by. Gone, and i started from the bottom at 15 years old making minimum wage.  Everything that i dreamed of went through the same game that still pumps oxygen  through the two lower chambers of my heart. When i got cut it left me without oxygen and to this day its pumping that carbon dioxide furiously. These ventricles will never stop because both my mind and whatever left in my heart are transmigrating into the next investment. 

I know this is what you want little brother., and i speak from somebody that knows there is so much to offer after basketball. but i will speak none of it to you. The moment. Your Moment is now and steady into the future that i hope you build from this. Fight. hit those weights. Tear it up. I cant wait to see you shine, and know these qualities in you will transform everything you come into contact with. 

Even though it pains. 

I cherish every opportuntity to redirect it.  

Your success is my success.

They will talk down to you. They will spit on you. Break you. Never. 

On to the next one

Your Brother and Friend

Neil 

I'm about to open up this badboy for the first time

The Depth of Intensity.

This video makes me tear up. 

aftermath

ill send an email to each of these cards pretending that I am so thankful. they will reply with a standard see you later and hope they remembered my brown face.

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