Last.

Tonight i was one of the last people to leave the gym. I wish i was the final one, But i was pretty close. They did turn the lights off on me.

Stalemate.

What is a stalemate in chess? Is it worse than a checkmate? Its when you are in a safe zone, but you cant move in any sort of direction or you will lose. the game of chess is the game of strategy. for the smart people, while the others are playing checkers. i write before you in a stalemate, because tho im at a safe zone right now. Any move i tend to make outside of this lethargy seems to not please me. Im in lake forest california, where i first started my blog. sitting in the same position and hearing the same ducks on the same water. i try to clear my head but i still stand on a space looking at the oppositions pieces.

I ask them being my competitions, a healthy question?

And in a small geographic context i ask the question

Who goes the Hardest at Cal State Fullerton? Who goes the hardest?

Since this is my Blog, i guess i make the rules and we can set up an equation. i do have a few things to list on there, since were talking about this semester

12 units of Class

Approx 25 hours of Labor

8 hours of Student leadership (ASI)

Affiliations with Sigma Phi Epsilon

Historian of a resurging India International Club and Spearheading the Culture show. This seems to be taking too much of my time

Beyond that, I have prioritized going to the gym. which has been dipping into my reserve time. so that means i been sleeping about 6 hours a night in order to go to the gym, refine my jumpshot and hit that bench.

this morning i woke up in Lake Forest, Somewhere i dont usually wake up on a friday morning. I needed to kick it with my brother, i needed my mother. Today i was given news via Sigma Phi Epsilon, that im not going to get a lil bro. That really messed me up. Im really pissed actually. Im not even gonnna continue right now im pissed. im not gonna save this ill just pubilsh.

today

Today in 1933, FDR did his first Fireside chat in order to reassure Americans during the Great Depression.

Bring it.

Damn i can feel it.

Week number 7 of school. there are about 8 left so were at like the halfway point. I thought i was gonna be able to grasp it this time around. i thought i could get a hang of it, yet im choking for air, im hanging from my neck. I wanted to get a handle on this game of monopoly, but i chose the wheelbarrel and im sitting in it. I will never give up, nor make any excuses. I guess i just gotta take back what i learn in my dreams and refocus it. I look at myself in the mirror and see a successful man, this is marginally getting less and less fun. I dont want it to end like last semester, exasperated on the podium in a 3rd place finish. Every semester i tend to demand more out of 20 extremidies divided by 2 arms and legs. Every day i find new enemies whom internally i need to conquer. Every single morning i wake up and see a dormant roomate, whom i attribute to normal and use a guage to how successful i am both physically and mentally. The early bird gets the worm. On April 10th, its make it or break it. The following week is greek week, and i have to dominate where they ask me too. There are alot of people putting in work, so its best i do my part. Its so hard for me to relax. I must be burning alot of basal metabolic calories just living life. On top of that i maintain a healthy diet free of any red meat. Top of that you can find me in the gym shedding off fat, and additionally any stress. My to do list looks like article 1 section 7, my Calender is overly segregated, i liken it to a rainbow less a pot of gold. I miss my family, though we only express business at this point, my weekends are jam packed, but an escape from academia, My weekdays are the same, an escape from pioneer blvd and shaving my face. The middle ground aka Neil Time happens when i sleep and essentially escape. Another form of this manuever is held when i am cooking. The lakers have lost three straight, i think i know exactly how they are feeling. Tommorow is indeed a huge day for me. I have to complete promotional videos for the culture show, We are going over lipids in nutrition, and i have to mentally perpare myself for another intermural game. It starts at 8pm. i cant fuck this one up. The result of tommorows game will serve as a hypothesis for my mood for the rest of the week. I write this in sort of a sour one. Its no secret im not feeling at my high right now. I will always show it. I cant make any excuses because i know i put it on myself. I will never show the world this weakness. Im strong. A high point for me is looking at the scale and seeing i lost about 6 pounds in the last 7 weeks. I need to make progress on this show. Its a shame they dont see it like i do. I do what i do, because im Neil Syal, I refuse to be taken for an idiot. Im very competitive, i have business cards that i have to live up to. I have a few ex-girlfriends i need to avenge through my own fruition. I have a beautiful mother i need to impress and soon spoil, and 2 younger brothers i know who now fauxhawk their heads cuz i did it. I once made eye contact with Kobe Bryant, and it confirmed every fact i once predicted about the line between humans and whats beyond. If my idol dealt with certain struggles, only to resume victorious, i belive the same holds application in my life. Things will not get easier, and i may be heading toward exhaustion, but be happy for me, cuz deep down, thats what i asked for in the first place. I need to unpause this game, but before i get back to my life...

"Always remember that striving and stuggle preceed success, even in the dictionary"

-Sarah Ban Breathnach