In Tuition

Scared to Face the world, Complacent career Student, some people graduate but be still stupid.

This is exactly how I feel right now, before graduation tomorrow. I will be graduating from college, and be on my way to becoming, or in my free head, Staying a man. I think new things are on my way, a new job starting in august, a new expense card, new roommates, a new boss, a new tax bracket. I keep thinking about my old jobs, which pushed me up the wall, my current credit cards whose minimum payment is the maximum I can spend, reflecting on a credit score that does not impress. The roomates, who ive seen grow in and out of the gym, who see similarly but not the same life envisioned.  I think of my first boss who fired me, and wonder who makes more money, Professors who use all 5 letters for questions on scantrons.

One week has passed since Graduation, I woke up really early that morning with Rahul and we had decided to leave the Jack Daniel’s as it stood on the island. I tried to eat a bowl of cereal, but I just couldn’t finish it. After getting to school and witnessing firsthand the many people who are graduating, bringing in many more people to watch, I realized that it is a big day for some people. I also realized some people didn’t even care to walk. Graduation is a simple formality, or even better, an event to show your parents that you could get through 4+ years of higher education. I decided to walk because I became the first person in my Family to do it. So big ups to them for helping me set up for this. Paying my application fee in 2006, Paying for School in 2007, Letting me move out in 2008,  Giving me a job in 2009, Understanding I was never coming home, and I didn’t care if you didn’t support me in 2010, witnessing me transition in 2011, and coming to my graduation in 2012. I made it here safe.  I could really go on about memories, but whats great is I have mmany memories already  accounted for in the posts below.

I got a bunch of congratulations, which I accepted, and was applauded for graduating, which I find silly, because in all honesty , the last Four Five years have been a wild party, and an effort to look elsewhere besides studying. Sure there were some tests,(accounting) where I needed to study before the day of the test, and I witenessed stress. But to be honest, I was so priveledged to be in this position in the first place. To be able to study and make myself more valuble to the marketplace. How can I accept a congratulations, when there are people out there who diddn’t have it like me , My age and working as the manager of Sonic Burger. Is it time to look down upon them, now that your congratulating me for my accomplishments? No, they exhibit that strength to do well in the classroom. They have a life to attend to, and have built a work ethic and willpower that very few will see. It may be unfortunate that since I was so privileged by the time they are ready for an entry level jobs, they may have to go through me. Well I will always understand and remember what 10 dollars an hour felt like. The Hustler salary was neve about how much they made but more the time of the day it was done.  So again one time for those who bust ass but didn’t graduate, Your time will come and you will have a reason to celebrate. I on the other hand, did not have to worry about food for most of my college career, and when I did slip and fall, there were those who contributed to a speedy recovery. I want to thank you for that.

I really dont mean to Knock anybody in particular.

The polar opposite demographic, includes a cohort of students who, graduated, and had 3-5 sashes, stolls, medals, and flowers. Who graduated no better than in 4 years. They have 50 people coming to watch them walk, graduation parties that are catered by people like my parents, and thanks to you Facebook, you have been following their progress since they updated their status, in line at admissions and records, making it official that they applied to graduation. It then followed up with another update to inform us how they did on the EWP, and a countdown to graduation.  I wonder why I don’t feel what you feel, I mean, lets keep talking about graduation like it’s the finish line. I mean we worked so hard in that stupid accounting class, didn’t pass, and had to switch over to Comm. Some people had a job on top of that, and some, some really ambitious, worked at Disneyland. Maybe I don’t feel as though this is the finish line, because I was given a Full-time position, literally right after I started the victory lap. I found out that what I thought was the finish line was really a starting line.  I was overthinking this all the way up into they said my name on the loud speaker. I feel awkward, because it would be kinda mean to mention the future in a circle conversation, on the day of graduation.  It would kinda be like, so..”Who else secured a job like they were supposed to”?  Maybe not but I just gotta keep my eyes in my own lane.

At times, it got really stressful for me, and I traded stress for stress, I kept a happy face for so many reasons, through the process, for one, I always worked directly In front of my customer, and for another, I was really blessed from the get go. How could I celebrate this? A few words for Cal State Fullerton, thank you. You raised tuition but you also raised financial aid. You graduated like 9000 people, but how many are prepared for the real world? How is that even your fault?  When I first came to Cal State Fullerton, I was listening to Kanye West’s Graduation. The songs that really stuck out in 2007 are the ones I brought back for this years graduation. And I would be lying to say I didn’t have these banging for the last 5 years.

La, la, La la wait till I get my money right, then you cant tell me nothing aaite.

I guess is everybody’s theme song, but I loved it because I had an audience when I sang it, which included my competition, my ex girl, my old basketball coach and my parents. Im still listening to the song, and it still motivates me how it was put together. We all need a little motivation, and I was given rations through KanYe West’s Graduation.

Na na na that what don’t kill me, can only make me stronger, I need you to hurry up now, cuz I cant wait much longer. I know I got to be right now, cuz I cant get much wronger.

In second place comes the song that invented those annoying glasses we used to love.  In the last 5 years I feel as though I been broken inside, only to be built back. The Human body heals itself. And as I stand today, with cavities in my teeth that need attention, to the many small lines of credit that I treat like income,  the frugality of a white man, and the hunger of poor child, I am ready to fight student loan interest. I am stronger today, and equipped to fight it via fixed income.  I graduated to do what I said I was. I cant get much wronger, until August 15.  

And I wonder, if you know , what it means, what it means, And I wonder, If you know, what it means,  and I wonder, if you know, what it means, To find your dream. 

I’ve been waiting on this my whole life. And im not ready to celebrate it, because there is more. Some people say this is it, that student loans end here. I wonder. I really wonder. I wonder why real hard work is always looked over, replaced by those who graduated from college. Its not, and will never be equal opportunity, and as much as I want to raise independent, strong children, I know that this cycle began long ago, and the divide is only getting bigger. I really wonder what my generation, the first generation of college graduates are going to look like 5, 10, and 15 years from now.  In fact, I wonder what the Indian demographic will .Why I think about these things, because inside, im just really curious and competitive.  Anywho…

You can still be who you wish you is, it Aint happen yet, and that’s intuition is.

Little brothers, please pay attention to everything im doing, and talk to me often, I want the best for you, and hope you achieve far greater success through my hindsight. I will be there on your Graduation Day, with the big Camera.

I want to give myself a little pat on the back, but there is much more to be accomplished. I graduated, im on to the next, and I Love you Mom and Dad. But you don’t have to throw a Graduation party for me. Cater other parties, they and if you need my help, I’ll be here till August.

 

Then I promise that things are going to get better.  I Love You so much.