Bring it.

Damn i can feel it.

Week number 7 of school. there are about 8 left so were at like the halfway point. I thought i was gonna be able to grasp it this time around. i thought i could get a hang of it, yet im choking for air, im hanging from my neck. I wanted to get a handle on this game of monopoly, but i chose the wheelbarrel and im sitting in it. I will never give up, nor make any excuses. I guess i just gotta take back what i learn in my dreams and refocus it. I look at myself in the mirror and see a successful man, this is marginally getting less and less fun. I dont want it to end like last semester, exasperated on the podium in a 3rd place finish. Every semester i tend to demand more out of 20 extremidies divided by 2 arms and legs. Every day i find new enemies whom internally i need to conquer. Every single morning i wake up and see a dormant roomate, whom i attribute to normal and use a guage to how successful i am both physically and mentally. The early bird gets the worm. On April 10th, its make it or break it. The following week is greek week, and i have to dominate where they ask me too. There are alot of people putting in work, so its best i do my part. Its so hard for me to relax. I must be burning alot of basal metabolic calories just living life. On top of that i maintain a healthy diet free of any red meat. Top of that you can find me in the gym shedding off fat, and additionally any stress. My to do list looks like article 1 section 7, my Calender is overly segregated, i liken it to a rainbow less a pot of gold. I miss my family, though we only express business at this point, my weekends are jam packed, but an escape from academia, My weekdays are the same, an escape from pioneer blvd and shaving my face. The middle ground aka Neil Time happens when i sleep and essentially escape. Another form of this manuever is held when i am cooking. The lakers have lost three straight, i think i know exactly how they are feeling. Tommorow is indeed a huge day for me. I have to complete promotional videos for the culture show, We are going over lipids in nutrition, and i have to mentally perpare myself for another intermural game. It starts at 8pm. i cant fuck this one up. The result of tommorows game will serve as a hypothesis for my mood for the rest of the week. I write this in sort of a sour one. Its no secret im not feeling at my high right now. I will always show it. I cant make any excuses because i know i put it on myself. I will never show the world this weakness. Im strong. A high point for me is looking at the scale and seeing i lost about 6 pounds in the last 7 weeks. I need to make progress on this show. Its a shame they dont see it like i do. I do what i do, because im Neil Syal, I refuse to be taken for an idiot. Im very competitive, i have business cards that i have to live up to. I have a few ex-girlfriends i need to avenge through my own fruition. I have a beautiful mother i need to impress and soon spoil, and 2 younger brothers i know who now fauxhawk their heads cuz i did it. I once made eye contact with Kobe Bryant, and it confirmed every fact i once predicted about the line between humans and whats beyond. If my idol dealt with certain struggles, only to resume victorious, i belive the same holds application in my life. Things will not get easier, and i may be heading toward exhaustion, but be happy for me, cuz deep down, thats what i asked for in the first place. I need to unpause this game, but before i get back to my life...

"Always remember that striving and stuggle preceed success, even in the dictionary"

-Sarah Ban Breathnach