Lust for Life II

“The Difficulty lies, in finding out an exact Measure; but eat for Necessity, not Pleasure, for Lust knows not where Necessity ends.”-Benjamin Franklin

Danny Boyle’s Jamal is the young protagonist and his depicted journey is what inspired the name for this blog. My favorite review of it was done by “Time” magazine.
“Despite its elements of brutality, this is a buoyant hymn to life, and a movie to celebrate.” -Richard Corliss
I was thinking man. What is it going to take. For me to smile on my deathbed, with a similar lust for heaven, to look behind at my footprints, and describe my life to the tune of a buoyant hymn. Jamal knew it was not 20 million rupees on that game show. Overthinking the situation, I calculated that $436,020 on a game show would make for a great time, but there is something internally that would still need to be appeased. Danny Boyle’s pantomime within the last 15 minutes of the movie was sufficient to move your heart from the bottom to its culmination. That roller coaster ride which ended to the tune of A.R. Rahman would describe a life that I wouldn’t be prepared to lead. I’m just a weak American individual who grew up with too much money and no discipline. Enveloped was the description, the lust. “Buoyant hymn to life” is it too late for that? Am I too old to thrive? While I always Thank God for giving me what I have, sometimes I ask why was it given to me and not Jamal. Somebody so deserving. Why was I given both a Mother and Father, who served as training wheels to my bike. I can’t even ride the bike well and I’m damn sure I would lose in a race to those who learned the hard way. I can’t account for the last 21.5 years without trying to illustrate. Should I just move on, knowing that I had 3 square meals and a bed to sleep. I had the privilege of 2 younger brothers who filtered my clothes and shoes, who I could blame for fiascos, and who had my back. I cant explicate the great times and the wonderful friends without deciphering if they were necessary to my growth. And who is measuring this so called growth? Of the many biographical details that shaped President Barrack Obama. He explains in “Dreams From My Father” that none is more prominent that the absence of this father during his upbringing. It was difficult, more difficult than what I was placed on my pillow, but he attributed it to being good. Jamal, within the last 5 minutes of the movie, was certain of his destiny and accepted every defeat of the past as he knew the past never equaled the future.
Sometimes I just gotta step back from the microscope (I have annoying eyelashes that usually get in the way). Turn off the thermometer, take off my coat, but ill keep the pen. I need that to write and think really what this all means. I knew this domain name was like the keys to my tea laboratory. The keys lie in the same hanger, so I never lose them. This lab is a secret and I test and retest exclusively. Nobody disturbs me so I can keep my eyes where they need to be. I like it best to produce thoughts internally, though I draw from inspiration. I set up the rules only to hold them sacred to me. The unambiguous decision made to write was just to keep my mind sharp. Today that decision was necessary and I feel as I need every bit of my imagination to live.
I ask myself questions the same questions in greater detail in my 4th year of higher education. 2010 provided enough fodder to me to write volumes. I started this just to write nonsense, but this “Bullshit” serves as adequate provisions for my mind. I like to blog and things have not been the same. The reason I don’t write nearly enough as I am capable of is every word I right has an opportunity cost to itself. I’m trying to write the future, but the backstage deals done by producers attempt water down my stage show. I am chasing my dreams, and those happen to deal with human interaction and my lust to one day Love. There were a lot of great memories I will keep, but some of my widest smiles in 2010 came out of nowhere, when I was alone heart beating above normal and I am just looking at the floor. That’s what this blog did. I love helping people see their future, for better or for worse. I believe there are many people who don’t know their happiness potential and continue to lead life at half of what they truly want. Giving up. I don’t say it in any measurement not relative. Im not speaking in any parameter. Not everybody’s goal is to make money and I feel shallow for even bringing up the subject, but it is true that humans were given a wide range of decision making power that they take for granted.
This may sound really dumb, but one day I was thinking about nature. A tree lives up to its potential. EVERY TREE. Every branch and every leaf comes out to perfection and it lives a life that is 100%. I have yet to see a tree just give up on itself. There is a certain merit I take from that and it allows my lust to grow. I have a certain lust for life, to make my environment better for me and anybody who has an open heart. Any opportunity for me to think and grow is appreciated. I have 99 problems and I can use some more because I don’t see them as problems anymore. Though this was explained in blogs prior, I cant get too high or low in any situation.
I just moved into a townhouse in the best part of town. The old me would be going nuts right now, the new me is fighting not to do it. The last 6 months living with mom were great, and I feel like this townhouse does more than redeem myself for whatever I was missing out on. The game plan when I moved back to Lake Forest was to study and don’t look at girls. As I got my grades back and I am not satisfied. I created an algorithm for my growth. It was identified and I relived stress by reading a book I didn’t think I would ever pick up. I stumbled into my winter break with nothing. I was laid off from a job and I got the weekend I wanted. I didn’t want it so soon and for the first time in many years, there was more ink in the marker than was on my calendar. Am I supposed to be happy about this? I am going back to Fullerton with a lust for Balance. I need a little bit of the old and mix it with the new. Im not a new years resolutions type, but there is a lot I have to sort out and keep it moving with what is working for me.

I'm motivated by this. This is what gets me most excited.


I met many people last year, including people who sought attention. I am beginning to understand this world and at this point nothing will come as surprise. Another individual was ready to stop utilizing her power to love as a result of not attracting similar emotions from the opposite sex. Another person lost his brother to a upcoming trial for murder. I met somebody that once attempted suicide, which excited my curiosity and commanded my attention. I keep thinking, what would lust me to the next life so prematurely? There are so many issues that we face, but they all lie powerless to issues abroad. Appreciation of life was my remedy. The other day my brother from Sigma Phi Epsilon lost his mother to the battle of cancer. He now lives without parents and I don’t know where he draws motivation. Many kids in India don’t make it to “Kaun Banega Crorepati”. I cant even explain what could being going through the minds of breathing children in Africa who have to taste the salt of tears. Their uncertainty is not an organic feeling to me.
The opportunity of life was given to me, and if I don’t make the most of its abundance, I would feel unfit to live. I already don’t feel like I deserve what I am getting, what’s worse is the hypocrite cant even face himself in his own blog. The problem is im on a path to make money. It made me real happy when I did get that internship, but it took a tole on my internal fire. I need to think outside of the box in order to make a fulfilling impact onto this planet.





I created this blog to simply scribe . Now I want to write my destiny. In the battle of free will and destiny I will try to have my say. Writing and doing are 2 things and I am always ashamed when I say something and don’t do it. I’m an accounting major and though that profession I want to be presented to as many people as I can. I want to be in their defense and help them lead lives with purpose. I hate quoting Minaj but
“Everybody Dies but not Everybody Lives.”
Forget me, because I have been too blessed. My family is beautiful and I will write about them later. I knew I was going to write about my lust for life because it is so real. I write because it will help me realize. Sometimes I need to step back and stop writing, look back and edit. I hate editing my blogs. I am not satisfied with any of them from the past, as I am the worst critic, but im happy that 2010 had many emotional timestamps and its there forever for my reference. History tends to repeat itself and I am about progression. This is my love story, but its not defined by the parameters of a male female relationship. I will say this. When the time comes, I will be ready for her, it could be tomorrow depending on the person, and I will never understand how spontaneously they could enter my life. I keep my eye out, but I will write, because when I find “it”, is when I find you.
To take every ounce of hate in my heart will take me where I need to go. After getting off the restaurant, the most important, and my favorite people in the world is anybody who is serving me. Gas station, retail store or restaurant, I feel you and I think so highly of you. I have my attitudes about restaurants, and honestly the restaurant business is not where I should be. It is hard to balance things especially if it involves ideals and money.
I stand here in 2011 more discomposed than I did exactly one year ago. I didn’t say it was a bad thing though. 2 brothers who are on the brink of young men, I need them to see what I am seeing, but I am afraid it won’t register. I used to do this for the beauty of my Macbook screen but little did I know that I was born to move in this direction.


On June 1st 1989 I was born a C-Section baby , The lust for life began as I thought outside the box.